What's funny is years later after this conversation with my mother, I find myself in the same situation. I have tried many times to pick up a fiction book, even one of my favorites, and I just cant seem to get into it. I doubt this will last forever (at least I don't think it will), I think it is just where I am at lately. I hunger for something more. And while there is nothing wrong with reading fiction I find myself wanting to read things of substance. I want to fill my heart and mind with good things, with His word and words that He inspired other believers to write.
For my birthday Bill got me a book by Amy Carmichael (I come quietly to meet you). Actually it's a devotional consisting of some of her writings compiled. At the end of each devotional there is a prayer (written by the person who compiled her writings). Anyway, I recently started reading the book and I have to say there is not a chapter that I have not loved so far. It is speaking volumes to my soul. So much of her writing is right where my heart is at. There have been some days where I am just speechless as to how perfect the devotional was for that day. I love how God uses His body to encourage and grow me.
This was one of the chapters that really touched me the other day.
Silent Song
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?...Deep calls to deep...By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me- a prayer to the God of my life. Psalm 42:5, 7-8
The son greatly wished to make a "Song of Lovely Things" to sing to his Beloved- but he could not find singing -words
He heard the voice of his Beloved saying, "You are walking on the road where all who love
But the son became full of grief, because there came a day when he could find no words to sing- neither his own, nor those of others. And yet he wanted with all his heart and soul and mind to ascend to higher places, to stand in the presence of His Beloved.
And He who is love eternal whispered, "then I, too, will approach you, silent in my love."
And the son entered into this silence, to meet the eternal Beloved there...
After a while there was a sound in the gentle stillness, a voice that whispered, "Even your silence is, to Me a song of lovely things..." (His Thoughts said...His Father Said p.30)
My Father, There are reasons why I could feel downcast. When I think about some parts of my life, it's hard to pray- even harder to worship in freedom...relationships that are difficult...dreams and goals that are crumbling...old hurts that wound me over and over...Some parts of me feel cold and wordless. Is the problem that I've buried some things deep inside? Are you patiently calling- through days and months- for me to open up to you at some deeper level? Today, Father, I trust you to go deeper.
~Chapter 6 from "I Come Quietly to Meet you"
