Grow old with you

The frustration and emotion had been building in my heart. I felt ready to explode. This happens when things are about to change for me...life changing things. I am getting used to the idea of life constantly changing and the never ending goodbyes that come with it. That being said it just doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

It's funny because when we first moved out here to MO I didn't want to be here.  I wasn't ready to give up everything and leave it all behind. It was a process to accept that which God is calling us and surrender to Him,  and even find joy in the midst.  So, as graduation was approaching and the realization that life as we have known it the last year and a half was coming to the end, I cracked. School was about to end for Bill and I.  I was preparing to starting homeschooling again. We are entering into a new phase of what we need to do that is out of my comfort zone.  All these realizations came crashing down on me.  I felt totally overwhelmed.  I started to doubt my abilities to teach the children and to care for my home.

This was the frame of mind I was in one evening a few weeks ago. I am not really sure what started it but I blew up at Bill.  I am sure it was over something silly.  I was upset with him and said something to the effect that "I do everything around here with no help" (so NOT true).  He took it all in stride.  He did not yell back at me (like he could have) because that's the kind of man he is.

He went out to run errands that evening and was gone for quite awhile.  It was getting late so I put the kids to bed.   After tucking them in I came down to see that Bill had just gotten home.  I walked around the corner and gasped. There on my kitchen table was a very sweet bouquet of flowers. He smiled at me, "I thought you could use some encouragement." Next to the flowers was a card.  It was full of beautiful encouraging words.

I was humbled.

What an amazing man to tell me that I am beautiful and a good mom and to encourage that I can do this...even when I had been so mean and ugly to him. He could see past my ugly layers. Past the fear to the places that he knows. He gets me.

My heart melted and I fell in love even more.

I kissed him and told him how sorry I was for how I had behaved.  He understood and acted as if there was nothing to forgive.

Sigh! I am blessed.

Looking forward to the days ahead and growing old with you by my side.

I love you Bill!

Celebrating 10 years!

10 years ago
June 3, 2000

And you only week 1

The beginning
-----------------------------------

Dreamy eyes sparkle. Smiles never end. Heart beats faster. Everything looks brighter. The room gets smaller and distractions fade away as he walks in the room. I remember as if it were yesterday. Cherished memories together when we were the only people that existed on earth. There is nothing so sweet as falling in love with the one that God has for you.

I remember the day he proposed. He caught me off guard, surprised me. His humble hands shook as he washed my feet and talked of his desire to lead and to serve me. My breath nearly stopped as my hand was drawn to his own. I felt like my heart would burst with happiness. I said yes, and dreamed of our future together.

I remember the way I felt the day I married Bill. Totally head over heals in love. I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. He made me catch my breath every time he looked at me. He made me laugh like no one else could. He was the smartest, most handsome, funniest, most God loving man I knew. I KNEW in my heart that this was THE man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The man that God had planned for me and that I had dreamed of from the time I was a little girl. In that moment I loved him the most. I loved him as much as I thought possible. I had heard that love grows and deepens over time but did not understand how that could be possible.

The honeymoon came and went. The first year was tough...harder then I thought it would be. I knew it would be an adjustment, and that it was. But they were still sweet times. We had a lot of fun the first year. We learned alot and grew as a couple.

2 weeks before our 1 year anniversary our first baby was born; our daughter Annaliese. She was a sweet blessing, and we were so excited to welcome her to our family. This brought another form of adjustment. We argued some (like most couples I think), but also grew closer as a couple, as "baby makes 3" took on meaning to us.

As time went on life got busy. Another baby, job changes, school, moving, ministries, friendships... In the busyness of life I started to feel a small void. I couldn't put my finger on what could possibly be missing. I still loved Bill with all my heart. I got caught up in serving my family that I hardly noticed that our "once upon a time" love story faded somewhat in the background. I started to become discontent. The things that I once loved about my husband, and that made him so uniquely Bill, had now turned into annoyances. It wasn't as if things were really wrong in our marriage, I just found myself becoming complacent. We had lost some of that "spark".

It was at this point in my life that God led a sweet lady into my life. I had prayed for years that God would give me a mentor that I could go to for godly wisdom. In His perfect timing he provided the person I needed. A woman named Lucy. Lucy and I tried to meet every week for a time of prayer and study. She encouraged me to really begin praying for my husband and strongly recommended I read "The power of a praying wife". I am embarrassed to admit that one of the reasons this all appealed to me was because I saw some things in Bill that I wanted changed (nothing drastic). Can you imagine my surprise when the author of the book said that the change wasn't to start with my husband but in my own heart. Woah! Conviction hit like a rock!

I knelt before the Lord and wept as I read these words,

Make me a new person, Lord. Give me a fresh perspective, a positive outlook, and
a renewed relationship with the man You've given me. Help me to see him with new
eyes, new appreciation, new love, new compassion, and new acceptance. Give my
husband a new wife, and let it be me. ~Stormie Omartian

"Yes Lord change me" I whispered from the depths of my soul.

The layers of sin and hardness that had built up in my heart unknown to me, began to crumble right there on the floor. I had no idea of the transformation that was about to take place in our marriage...

Happy 30th

30 things I love about you

1. Your smile

2. Your laugh

3. Your sense of humor...I love that things are so funny to you.

4. That you make me laugh

5. Your eyes

6. That you make me feel loved

7. I love that you pitch in and help around the house, even when you are tired from a long day at work

8. Your thoughtfulness and selflessness

9. That you kill all the spiders and centipedes :)

10.Your sweet heart, always offering to get what ever I need without me asking (even if it is a glass of water or tums in the middle of the night when I a pregnant)

11. that you do things "just because"

12. You make me feel secure

13. You smell good

14. That you wrestle with our boys

15. and snuggle with your girls

16. Your heart for the lost

17. Your desire to instill in our children a heart for the lost

18. Your passion for God

19. That you ARE the spiritual leader in our home

20. That you love me for who I am

21. That you always thank me after every meal and tell me how good my cooking is

22. That you work hard to provide for your family

23. But, while working hard you have your priorities right

24. You put your family first

25. You set a good example for our boys

26. And you set the bar for our daughters to find a husband someday

27. I love the way your mind works, and how you get things to work

28. That you are intentional about the way you live

29. That you share things with me about God's Word that excite you

30. That after 8 years of being married you still make my heart flutter

Happy Birthday Bill! I am so blessed to have you in my life. I praise God for you and the 30 years of life He has given you.

I love you!

30 days

In my desire to be more intentional about the way I live (I could write a post about that too), the Lord has laid something on my heart, an idea to spend time specifically dedicated to finding ways to love and encourage my husband. And in honor of Bill turning 30 (tomorrow Oct. 7th) I want to spend the next 30 days doing just that. I will be posting over the next 4 weeks (every Monday?) about life lessons the Lord has taught me thus far in my marriage. I am praying about ways I can love my husband more and honor him, so I will be posting about what the Lord is teaching me through this process.

Feel free to join me, whether on your blog or in your heart. I guarantee the next 30 days will be a blessing. I am excited to see what God has in store.

More to come soon...

A blessed wife

I just wanted to share something sweet that Bill did for me. Thursday evening, he came in the door as I was preparing dinner, and handed me a small box. I looked at him a little puzzled, "What is this?" I looked at him a little puzzled. He replied, "Open it." Inside the box was a 14 karat white gold necklace. I think I gasped. :)

"What is this for?" I said.

"It's just a small gift to show you how much I appreciate you. I know I don't say it often enough."

"It's beautiful. You didn't have to do that."

"I know but I wanted too...you deserve it. You do so much for us. You hold this whole family together."

I was so touched. Not because he gave me a gift (although I do love the necklace), but because he has a way of making me feel special. I love the thought and effort he took to pick something out for me (he picked something that was fitting to who I am and what I like, "simple and yet it sparkles in the light", that's what he said)...and the words he spoke...They were sweeter then honey.

Thank you for always loving me. For being the man that I can count on. For being there for me when I need someone to talk to or shoulder to cry on. Thank you for being my best friend. I consider it a privilege to be your wife and to serve you and our little ones. I find myself falling in love with you more with each passing day.

I am very blessed!

An evening to remember

Our date night last night was so great! After we dropped the 3 older kids off at church, to be watched by several loving families, Bill and I headed up to the bluff. We sat in the car, overlooking the lake, and reminisced while I fed Claire. We talked about our first date, first time we held hands, and other fun memories. In that moment all was right and perfect. I LOVE being with Bill. He is the one after 8 years of marriage I still day dream about. He still makes me laugh with the things he says. My heart still flutters when he looks at me! :) I will not pretend that we have a perfect marriage...we don't. We have our hard moments. But, I feel very blessed to have this man in my life. I am very much in love with my husband.

After I was done feeding Claire, we headed over to Bill's parents. They offered to watch Claire so we could go to the movies. We decided to see the movie Expelled. Not a romantic movie, actually it's a documentary, but we both really liked it. It was very interesting. I highly recommend it!

I would say we had the perfect night. It really wouldn't have mattered what we had done..any time together is great! I had Bill's mom snap a picture (of course Bill had to blink, and then the camera died so we couldn't retake it. :) ), to capture this monumental evening.

I am so thankful for the evening out. I love being together as a family, but time away as a couple was definitely needed!