What smells in here?

Being a mom is great! But it does have it's moments of uh....should I say smelliness?

Today James threw up. It really wasn't a big deal. It was more like a spit up. It didn't smell the best (duh) so I scrubbed the carpet. I thought I had it all cleaned so I went back to whatever I had been doing before he spit up.; but a few minutes later Anna pointed out a spot I had missed....so I scrubbed at that to. Anyway, like an hour later I notice the the living room still smells, so I sprayed the carpet with Fabreeze. That should do it I thought.

All night I keep getting this whiff of something that stinks. I can't figure it out. I thought maybe it would go away after I gave James his bath. I washed and lathered him up with that oh so good, Huggies baby lotion. Oh, I just love that smell. The sweet smell of freshly washed baby! :) I could just drink it in.

Ok, so problem solved? Nope! After we tucked the kids into bed I was sitting here on the computer still smelling something so gross. (It's not on my hands because those smell like baby lotion! :)) I looked around the living room, I cant see anything. I am getting really frustrated. I have considered that maybe it is on ME. But I looked several times and didn't see anything. FINALLY I spot it.... spit up on my shoulder! UGH! :) Mystery solved!

Ok so this is pretty much a pointless post, but I thought it was funny. I walked around all night with this horrible smell right under my nose but I couldn't see it. I could for sure smell it, but I couldn't find the root of the problem.

Hmmmm....makes me think of something else, something more spiritual. The stench of my own stinking rotting flesh when I choose not to walk in the spirit. I might walk around for a long time sniffing and scrubbing at what I think is the cause of the smell. I might try and cover it up with some nice body spray...but the stench still remains. The answer is so close, but so often I fail to see it. I sometimes have tried so hard to get rid of my smell not realizing that I can't get rid of it by covering it up. The answer to my problem lies in the cross...The other side of the cross.

To chose to sin is like bringing up a dead decaying carcase. Just as it would not make any sense for me to pick up my old stinky, spit-up on shirt and continue to wear it; it doesn't make any sense to chose to walk in sin. (but because we have a sinful nature we do) See, as a believer "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." Galatians 2:20 The other side of the cross comes in when I realize that I am dead to sin and resting in that truth. I cannot get rid of the smell by "Fabreezing" it up.

Here's the thing...ok so we believe that the only way to obtain salvation is through faith in Christ (faith alone in His finished work on the cross). So, why once we are saved do we think we have to "try" so hard to be good...try so hard to stop sinning? Just as we are justified by faith so also are we sanctified by faith.

Charles Trumbull said, " The effortless life is not the will-less life. We use our will to believe, to receive, but not to exhort effort in trying to accomplish what only God can do. Our hope for victory over sin is not 'Christ plus my efforts,' but 'Christ plus my receiving.' To receive victory from Him is to believe His Word that solely by His grace He is, this moment, freeing us from the dominion of sin. And to believe on Him in this way is to recognize that He is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves."

If we are not fully acquainted with the workings of the cross and the crucifixion of our flesh, then it only makes sense that we could misunderstand and think that growth somehow comes from our own efforts. At that point the best we can do is confess our sin. confession "takes care of the penalty of the product, but not the source"(Miles Stanford.) We need to allow the Holy Spirit to get at the source before the sin is committed. The answer to our source of sin is death to self. Rom 6:11 "Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus."

So getting to my parallel...just as I had to place a clean shirt on to get rid of the foul smell of spit- up; spiritually we are told to put on the new self. Eph 4:24 "And put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth." We put on the new self by reckoning that I am dead to sin and my life is hidden in Christ. So no amount of my own scrubbing at my rotting flesh will get rid of it...Only Christ...only resting to death truths...only realizing that I am alive to God...sin is no longer my master.

My point is simply this...God did not save us and them simply leave us to try and figure it out on our own. There is so much in His Word for us. The answers are there...the answers for growth and for life are all found in the cross.

So I leave you with that...food for thought. Hopefully it all makes sense!

It is late and I am off to bed.

Dirty laundry, lost temper, and forgotten snack

Ok, so have you ever had one of those mornings that you wish you could forget? Last Sunday was one of those for me.

Most Sunday mornings in our house end up being pretty crazy. I have actually taken measures to try and prevent this. I try and pick out what the kids and I are going to wear the night before. I try and have the diaper bag packed and ready to go. Make sure we know where our shoes are (I don't know if anyone else ever has this happen, but I have spent way too much time running around at the last minute looking for a stray shoe.). Anyway, I don't always get all that stuff done the night before but I try. aside from all the stuff I just mentioned, I think one of my biggest battles on Sunday morning is my attitude. I HATE being late. So, anytime we are running behind (which is almost every Sunday) I tend to pick a fight with Bill. We tend to snap (ok mostly just me) at one another.

So knowing all this and how I tend to be, I decided to be prepared. I did EVERYTHING I thought I should. Kids stuff ready, my stuff ready, I got up at a decent time. I got into the shower determined that this morning would be good. I committed the day to the Lord and asked for His help and strength. I asked Him to help me have a good attitude and to control my tongue no matter what. Well, maybe the Lord decided to put me to the test...I don't know. If it was a test I got a big fat stinking 0. :)

Bill got up after I was showered and I had the kids mostly ready. I was not upset that I had done most of the work to get our family ready (he really is a very helpful husband). I know that Bill works so hard during the week juggling work and school and he really needs all the sleep he can get. So if I can help him out by letting him sleep in an extra half hour I will try and do that. Anyway, all was right in my world until...Bill went to get dressed and asked,

"Where are my pants?"

"Uh, I don't know." I replied, "Did you look in your drawer or in the basket of clean clothes in our room?"

"Yes, they aren't there." He returned. "I can't wear the pair I had on yesterday because they are dirty."

Uh oh!

I suddenly realized that the 3 loads of laundry that I did a few days ago did not include any of Bill's pants.

I don't remember exactly what we said to each other in the next few minutes but I know that I did NOT bite my tongue. I was actually really disgusted with myself and my inability to be a good wife that I took my failures out on Bill and started an argument. And to top it off Anna says, "there goes mom and dad fighting again."

Ahhh...the guilt.

After a few harsh words were said (out of my mouth not his) I went down stairs to start the laundry. Bill had to stay home and finish the laundry in order to go to church later. I left with the kids to go to Sunday school by myself. When questioned as to where Bill was I just replied that he was home...no explanation. How could I? How do you say, "Ummm yeah, I'm a bad wife and did not make sure my husband had clean clothes. I take care of everyone else but not him." I knew what people would say to that. Things like Bill can help, Bill can do his own laundry and make sure his clothes are clean, He is a grown up. While all of those things are true, the thing is the laundry is my responsibility. Bill can help, but I do the laundry. I stay at home. I have said I will do my part in this family and the laundry is one of those ways that I help. Bill does help me out A LOT but not usually with the laundry. I didn't want to give the impression that I am married to a helpless chauvinistic man, he is not. Far from it in fact. Anyway...

To make my morning even better, Ryan refused to go in his class (thankfully that was quickly resolved.) and, I suddenly realized after I sat down in my own ABF (Adult Bible Fellowship) that I was supposed to bring the snack to our class. "Oh my word." I blurted out, "I was supposed to bring the snack." Just one more thing to add to my long list of things I am incapable of doing.

Bill came in a few minutes after church service had started. His pants were still a little bit damp from having to remove them prematurely from the dryer. He looked at me and smiled and I knew everything was ok. For whatever reason my husband loves me and accepts me in spite of all my short comings. I leaned over and whispered that I was sorry. "it's ok." He said. We moved on and put it behind us. A few days latter and it actually seems funny now! :)

I don't know if I really have a point in sharing all this (to all of about like 4 people who probably ready my blog :) ). Maybe it's just that we all have those mornings, mornings that we want to forget. I messed up! I didn't respond the way God would have wanted me to. God pointed out to me that I have not gotten past struggling with my failures. I have a hard time accepting His grace. I still expect to be able to do it all when in fact I can't. I sit here and beat myself up about what I didn't accomplish, when in fact I am wasting my time. God's already forgiven me so I don't need to obsess about it. And that's not really the issue here (what I did and did not accomplish). I think God says,

"ok you messed up. You blew up at your husband and took your anger out on him. Confess it and move on. I accept you and I forgive you (past present and future sins). My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in your weakness. Rest in me and allow me to help you. Be still and know that I am God. Behold Me. Don't try and be like me, just behold me and allow me to work in you. I love you, my beloved daughter"

Oh God, I fall so short of where I think I should be. I am beginning to see that where I think I should be isn't always where you think I should be. Thank you God for your grace. Please help me to understand your grace. Thank you for you forgiveness and that I can move on. Thank you for working in me even though most times it is so humbling. Help me Lord not to forget those rough mornings, but to learn from them...not to beat myself up about it, but to press on. Thank you so much for the husband you have given me; he is so patient and understanding. You are such an awesome God.

If anything else in sharing this, I hope my mess ups can encourage someone else out there!

The Good Shepherd

He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm,

and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young. Is 40:11

When I was younger I loved lambs; still do in fact. I used to dream that I could raise one. They just seemed so sweet and vulnerable and often helpless. I had friends who had a few in their barn so I would go and visit them every once in awhile. I loved the earthy smell of the hay and the dirt that surrounded these creatures. I would pick up the little lambs and snuggle them close.

The picture Christ used so often to portray Himself as the Good Shepherd and us as His sheep, is one that I could identify with. I love the picture of Him carrying me close to His heart. That He knows me by name, He cares that I am in His fold, He picks me up and carries me over the rough terrain. He feeds me and provides shelter from the storm. He is always standing guard to make sure no harm will come. Even when I think I am "alone" and don't feel His presence His eye is always on me.

I think that's why when I came across this verse in Isaiah that it really hit home. Not only is God all those things that I mentioned, He also cares about me as a mom. He gently leads those that are with young. Wow! I have always known that but I guess to see it in print in front of me just touched my heart. Some days being a mom is so tiring. I have come to the end of myself and thought at times I am just too warn out to go on. But then God is there tenderly picking me up and carrying me when I am to weak to walk.

Thank you God for giving this mommy encouragement. Thank you for caring about me as a mom. Please help me to rest in your arms and allow you to carry me. Thank you for guiding me and giving me comfort when I need it. Thank you Father for reminding me that I need your Word to restore my soul.

Easter Sunday

A 4 year olds prayer

When Bill and I put the kids to bed at night we always have prayer time as a family. We each take a turn praying for different things. Lately the kids have been in this rut of just praying the same thing every night. We have been trying to encourage the kids to think of different things to pray about. I guess so prayer doesn't become just some ritual where we repeat the same things over and over. We want them to understand that praying is actually talking to God. Ryan usually just parrots what ever Anna says. So, last night Anna prayed and then it was Ryan's turn. He surprised us by thinking of something on his own. He prayed, "Thank you God for raising from the dead, Aman!"

Sweet words to hear from my 4 year old. It warms my Mommy heart. My prayer is that my children will understand about the cross and place their faith in Christ's finished work at a young age. It encourages my soul when they say things like this; or to see Anna's excitement to explain to Ryan the reason we celebrate Easter.

I am so thankful for my precious little ones; and thankful for glimpses into their tender hearts.

Make My Life a Prayer

Make my life a prayer to You

I want to do what You want me to

No empty words, no white lies

No token prayers, no compromise

I want to shine the light You gave

Through Your Son You sent to save us

From ourselves and our despair

It comforts me to konw You're really there

Well, I want to thank You now for being patient with me

Oh, it's so hard to see when my eyes are on me

I guess I'll have to trust and just believe what You say

Oh, You're coming again, coming to take me away

I want to die and let You give

Your life to me that I might live

And share the hope You gave me

The love that set me free

I want to tell the world out there

You're not some fable or fairy tale

That I've made up inside my head

You're God the Son, You've risen from the dead

I want to die and let You give

Your life to me that I might live

And share the hope You gave to me

I want to share the love that set me free

by Keith Green

Three Priceless Treasures!

I read something that I thought was very profound. It was an article by Gregg Harris on the reason his family had chosen to home school. I found myself agreeing with alot of what he had to say, but the one quote that really stood out to me was:

"C.S. LEWIS ONCE OBSERVED that God is not so much offended that we want too much as by the fact that we are satisfied with so little. Though He offers us the highest of adventures in our Christian life, we settle for the stale mediocrity of our lukewarm religious routines. The parental counterpart to this idea is that most mothers and fathers actually want too little for their children - they settle for success in this world's terms. But God would have us aim higher, not like an ambitious stage mother pushing her mildly talented children into the spotlight, but like a fine jeweler making the best possible use of each bit of gold, silver, and precious stone he has. My children are priceless treasures, and I want God's highest and best for them."

Wow! Putting things into that perspective really made me think. What is my desire for my children's lives? I certainly don't want to settle for anything less than what God desires for them.

Today was a pretty rough day. It was one of those days that made you doubt every decision. I was tired from having to get up 3 times last night with Anna. And I think all of the kids were tired from that as well. (Because they all share a room, when one wakes up it often causes disturbed sleep for the others.) So, needless to say emotions were running a little high.

In the midst of all the chaos, something happened to cause me to reflect. Anna did something that was disobedient. It was actually something that was dangerous and could have caused her great harm. I was feeling quite annoyed. Arrrg!! I thought I have told her over and over NOT to do stuff like that. Shouldn't she know better? After all she is 5 now...nearly a grown up (in her mind anyway. :) )

In that moment I was faced with two options, 1.) deal with the disobedience with swift action; or 2.) reprimand her and then carry on with the day. Even though I was tired I chose the first option. I KNEW this had to be dealt with. It was a good teaching moment for both of us.

The reason this caused me to reflect was because I know there have been so many times when I have gone with option number two. Sometimes that is all that is needed; but I am referring to the times when it is direct disobedience and I simply choose not to deal with it. Sometimes it is just too hard being a parent and I choose to be lazy

There is a perfect example of this in the Book of Samuel. Eli the priest chose not deal with the sins of his sons,

"And the LORD said to Samuel, Behold, I will do a thing in Israel, at which both the ears of every one that heareth it shall tingle. In that day I will perform against Eli all things which I have spoken concerning his house: when I begin, I will also make an end. For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not." 1 Sam 3:11-13

Proverbs says to train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. It is my responsibility as a mom to train and instruct and discipline my children when necessary. It is NOT an option. To act as Eli did is negligent. It is not always easy to do the right thing. Sometimes it is easier for me to say, "ah, not that big of a deal.' or "I'll deal with it later." In doing this I am passing up opportunities to teach my children valuable lessons and the oppertunity to participate with God in shaping their character.

I know that grace is a factor in all of this. That is why I have to come before the Lord and ask Him to give me the wisdom I need for disciplining. And, oh how I need wisdom. Sometimes I really blow it. (I have talked about that before.) But, as I walk in the Spirit and rest in the truth that I have from His word, I know He is going to give me the strength I need.

My children are priceless treasures. God has entrusted them to me...what a privilege! I can't believe that the God of the universe would choose me and bless me with these precious gems.

Oh God, help me to remember what Your Word says about my children. The responsibility is so great, sometime overwhelming! Bill and I cannot do it alone. Thank you for Your Word and for putting godly people in our path to remind us of what You want. I pray that I will not become lazy in my parenting. I am so tired sometimes. It is so tempting to choose the easy path. But Lord, I know that is not what you desire for me. My children's souls and lives are at stake here. Thank you Father for loving me, and guiding me. I am in awe of you.