Dirty laundry, lost temper, and forgotten snack

Ok, so have you ever had one of those mornings that you wish you could forget? Last Sunday was one of those for me.

Most Sunday mornings in our house end up being pretty crazy. I have actually taken measures to try and prevent this. I try and pick out what the kids and I are going to wear the night before. I try and have the diaper bag packed and ready to go. Make sure we know where our shoes are (I don't know if anyone else ever has this happen, but I have spent way too much time running around at the last minute looking for a stray shoe.). Anyway, I don't always get all that stuff done the night before but I try. aside from all the stuff I just mentioned, I think one of my biggest battles on Sunday morning is my attitude. I HATE being late. So, anytime we are running behind (which is almost every Sunday) I tend to pick a fight with Bill. We tend to snap (ok mostly just me) at one another.

So knowing all this and how I tend to be, I decided to be prepared. I did EVERYTHING I thought I should. Kids stuff ready, my stuff ready, I got up at a decent time. I got into the shower determined that this morning would be good. I committed the day to the Lord and asked for His help and strength. I asked Him to help me have a good attitude and to control my tongue no matter what. Well, maybe the Lord decided to put me to the test...I don't know. If it was a test I got a big fat stinking 0. :)

Bill got up after I was showered and I had the kids mostly ready. I was not upset that I had done most of the work to get our family ready (he really is a very helpful husband). I know that Bill works so hard during the week juggling work and school and he really needs all the sleep he can get. So if I can help him out by letting him sleep in an extra half hour I will try and do that. Anyway, all was right in my world until...Bill went to get dressed and asked,

"Where are my pants?"

"Uh, I don't know." I replied, "Did you look in your drawer or in the basket of clean clothes in our room?"

"Yes, they aren't there." He returned. "I can't wear the pair I had on yesterday because they are dirty."

Uh oh!

I suddenly realized that the 3 loads of laundry that I did a few days ago did not include any of Bill's pants.

I don't remember exactly what we said to each other in the next few minutes but I know that I did NOT bite my tongue. I was actually really disgusted with myself and my inability to be a good wife that I took my failures out on Bill and started an argument. And to top it off Anna says, "there goes mom and dad fighting again."

Ahhh...the guilt.

After a few harsh words were said (out of my mouth not his) I went down stairs to start the laundry. Bill had to stay home and finish the laundry in order to go to church later. I left with the kids to go to Sunday school by myself. When questioned as to where Bill was I just replied that he was home...no explanation. How could I? How do you say, "Ummm yeah, I'm a bad wife and did not make sure my husband had clean clothes. I take care of everyone else but not him." I knew what people would say to that. Things like Bill can help, Bill can do his own laundry and make sure his clothes are clean, He is a grown up. While all of those things are true, the thing is the laundry is my responsibility. Bill can help, but I do the laundry. I stay at home. I have said I will do my part in this family and the laundry is one of those ways that I help. Bill does help me out A LOT but not usually with the laundry. I didn't want to give the impression that I am married to a helpless chauvinistic man, he is not. Far from it in fact. Anyway...

To make my morning even better, Ryan refused to go in his class (thankfully that was quickly resolved.) and, I suddenly realized after I sat down in my own ABF (Adult Bible Fellowship) that I was supposed to bring the snack to our class. "Oh my word." I blurted out, "I was supposed to bring the snack." Just one more thing to add to my long list of things I am incapable of doing.

Bill came in a few minutes after church service had started. His pants were still a little bit damp from having to remove them prematurely from the dryer. He looked at me and smiled and I knew everything was ok. For whatever reason my husband loves me and accepts me in spite of all my short comings. I leaned over and whispered that I was sorry. "it's ok." He said. We moved on and put it behind us. A few days latter and it actually seems funny now! :)

I don't know if I really have a point in sharing all this (to all of about like 4 people who probably ready my blog :) ). Maybe it's just that we all have those mornings, mornings that we want to forget. I messed up! I didn't respond the way God would have wanted me to. God pointed out to me that I have not gotten past struggling with my failures. I have a hard time accepting His grace. I still expect to be able to do it all when in fact I can't. I sit here and beat myself up about what I didn't accomplish, when in fact I am wasting my time. God's already forgiven me so I don't need to obsess about it. And that's not really the issue here (what I did and did not accomplish). I think God says,

"ok you messed up. You blew up at your husband and took your anger out on him. Confess it and move on. I accept you and I forgive you (past present and future sins). My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in your weakness. Rest in me and allow me to help you. Be still and know that I am God. Behold Me. Don't try and be like me, just behold me and allow me to work in you. I love you, my beloved daughter"

Oh God, I fall so short of where I think I should be. I am beginning to see that where I think I should be isn't always where you think I should be. Thank you God for your grace. Please help me to understand your grace. Thank you for you forgiveness and that I can move on. Thank you for working in me even though most times it is so humbling. Help me Lord not to forget those rough mornings, but to learn from them...not to beat myself up about it, but to press on. Thank you so much for the husband you have given me; he is so patient and understanding. You are such an awesome God.

If anything else in sharing this, I hope my mess ups can encourage someone else out there!