Melts my heart!

A recital by Ryan.

My random busy days

I am tired tonight. I have been trying to get our family back to a more normal routine before school starts next week. Bill started his new job this week (Yea, praise God). It is going good so far. The dive isn't as bad as we had originally thought. He does have to leave the house a little before 7 a.m. though. So, I have been getting up early. I help get him ready and make his lunch. Then I make myself a cup of coffee and have my quiet time. I just love the early morning when everyone is still asleep. I am not a morning person by nature, but now that I am starting back on a routine I really enjoy it. I really need that fresh start to my day. Time to be with my Savior, and the oppertunity to cover my family in prayer as the day is just beginning.

I am trying very hard these days to keep on top of the housework. I want Bill to come home after a long day at work to a peaceful clean home. I know that won't always be possible, but I pray for the strength and energy to attempt it.

James keeps me pretty busy. Today he decided he wanted to "help" me with the laundry. He at least had fun taking the clothes in and out of the basket. (BTW, the garbage bag behind James is full of my clothes that no longer fit because baby #4 is starting to grow more.)


He also decided to crush these boxes for me before they went into the trash. He has seen us doing this, so I guess he thought it would be fun.My days have been so full of cleaning, preparing lessons for Anna and Ryan, chasing after a busy little man, reading stories, playing games, making meals, etc... I wouldn't trade it. My job is 24/7 and exhausting but I am so thankful for the opportunity I have to do all this.

Thank you God for everything you have blessed us with; for our 3 precious little ones. Help me to be the mom you want me to be, and to rely on You and not myself. Please give me the strength to greet tomorrow. Thank you that Your mercies are new every morning! Amen.

And now I am off to bed. Tomorrow is another busy day.

Heart lessons part 1

This is something I wrote last November on our family blog. I have been thinking a lot about it. This summer has been hard. It has not been our usual fun filled activity summer. I have felt so tired (due to being pregnant) and not been able to do as much as normal. I have been wrestling with guilt as a mom. I have felt like I am not doing enough, not being a good enough mom for my little ones. I needed this reminder that Christ's power covers my weak places and makes me strong...I need to learn to rest in that!

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"This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:8-9

Recently the Lord taught me a lesson...One I pray that always stays fresh in my mind.

The day started out good. I was able to get up and spend quiet time with the Lord before the kids were awake (which doesn't always happen). I felt really refreshed. I read from the book of Joshua. Little did I know that this book (which is about having courage) was going to come in handy.

I got the kids up and had them fed and dressed at a decent time. I was excited to start school. Well, things were going smoothly at first than Anna started to become stubborn. Every instruction I gave her she fought me on. So I decided we needed to take a brake for a few minutes. When I said this Anna decided to throw a huge fit. I put her on time out as she continued to scream at me that she hated me. I went into my room and cried and then prayed and then I called a good friend of mine. She was able to give me the encouragement that I needed. I needed to do the right thing. I could not let her get away with disobedience and sassiness. When Anna calmed down I sat down with her and we talked. I explained to her what the Bible says. I began to cry and tell her how much my heart was broken because of her disobedience. I disciplined her and then I held her and affirmed her of my love and we cried and prayed together. Anna asked for forgiveness and for God's help and I prayed for wisdom and strength to always do the right thing.

The thing about all of this is, Anna has been disobedient before but it really affected me this time. Why? I felt like the Lord was teaching me, "This is how I feel when you choose to walk in sin and choose not to abide in me." I saw in Anna myself and how the Lord must view me....With sadness because He desires my fellowship and obedience. My love for Anna was never weakened, in fact I felt I loved her more and all the more reason I felt I had to deal with her sins.

The Lord is so faithful to teach us. He has promised to those who have placed their faith in Him, "...That he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil 1:6) It amazes me how He can use our small children to teach us such valuable lessons. The Lord has been teaching me how important it is for me to be daily in His Word. I need Him. I have often felt discouraged in my day to day life and I have come to understand the reason why. I have not been relying on Christ, I have relied on myself far to often. The key to successful parenting is to realize that you cannot do it. Sounds kind of dismal doesn't it? But I can do nothing apart from Christ. I might try for a little while but I will always get burned out. It's usually around my lowest place that I will remember this. I have to keep coming back to God and admit that I need Him.

In her book "Tender Mercy for a Mother's Soul" Angela Thomas says, "In motherhood, I have come to know the weakest parts of myself. I see where other moms are more and I am less. I feel the weight of wanting to be all and struggling to be in part. There are more hardships and difficulties than I could have ever anticipated. To love my family, care for a home, and pursue my passions is to be confronted with the truth of my weakness. I am not enough. I cannot possibly do it all. But then Jesus speaks and says, 'There-right there in the weakness of motherhood-there is where My power is perfected. My grace in you will be more than enough .' [paraphrase from 2 cor 12:9] And I can rest. I can breath a deep sigh of relief and rest. The power of Christ covers my weak places and supernaturally makes me strong."

So there it is, in my weak places Christ takes over. In my moment of weakness with Anna when I was feeling like I couldn't do it; I felt like I couldn't be the mother I was supposed to be because it was too hard. The Lord gently reminded me of two things: 1.)I need to rely on Christ and to be daily, hourly, minutely abiding 2.)That my choosing to rely on myself rather than Him is a sin. It hurts Him just like it hurt me that Anna was so disobedient to me.

"It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassion's fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

We truly serve an awesome God!

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I have more thoughts to come on what the Lord is teaching me in reguards to ministry and my family...

Fearfully and Wonderfully made

Ultrasound taken at 11 weeks and 4 days old. It's not very clear, but you get the idea!

Thank you God for this sweet little miracle!

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16

After the rain

For the moment the rain has ceased. The sun has come out, the clouds rolled back revealing the rainbow...a promise...

On Thursday Bill had an interview. He has had so many interviews this summer but gotten no offers. Well, this Thursday Bill got offered a job with S.C. Johnson. Of course he accepted it. (They gave him an 18 month contract through the temp agency. There is a possibility that it could turn into a permanent job) Not only is it a job, but he will be doing something that he is excited about. It is a job in the field he went to school for (M.I.S. it's an SAP programing job). Never mind that it is an over an hour drive...I am just thrilled for him. This is such a great opportunity for him. Wow! We have been waiting and praying, and waiting and praying....after 6 months of looking, finally a job. God's timing is always so perfect. Bill will start on Aug 27th.

This summer has been long and weary, but it was been good. God has been so faithful to us. He has drawn us so much closer to Himself. I love that we are never closer to Him as when we are walking through the fire, the refining process. Sometimes it really hurts, but the joy of knowing that He is holding my hand cannot be replaced.

I am truly humbled at how the Lord has blessed our family. We are so unworthy of anything good, and yet in His grace He pours out His love to us still. I will never cease to be amazed. I am just standing in awe of my Creator...at being able to sit here and watch Him work. It is truly amazing.

I know that there are plenty of storms yet to come in this lifetime. Jesus said that in this world we would have trouble...but for now the rain has stopped. We have tucked our umbrellas away, not waiting anxiously for the next storm, but basking in the goodness of the Son.

Thank you God for this rainbow!

In the midst of it...

I sat in the room by myself, waiting. The answer came..."how are we going to do this" I thought. A tear slid down my cheek. "It's just not the right time." I stood up and went into the other room to talk to Bill. He needed to know...

It has taken me awhile to get to writing this post...and now that I am sitting here, I'm not sure what to say. Life has taken an unexpected turn for us. I've shared some of what has been happening here. The ups and downs we have had, have been overwhelming at times. But, we have felt God's presence through it all. We know that God is in control even when things have seemed so chaotic.

Well, The Lord in His grace has seen fit to give Bill and I a blessing that we are totally unworthy of...so unworthy. He has decided to add another member to our family. We are going to have another baby around the middle of February.

This came as a surprise to us. We were not expecting this right now. And, not to sound ungrateful (because we aren't) it just seemed to us that the timing could not be worse. My first thought was, I don't want to tell anyone. I am so ashamed to admit that. I was so worried about what others might think. I was afraid of being judged, that people would think we were irresponsible. But...God has made it clear to us that we need to share our good news (and yes it is good news) with everyone, and not worry about what others think.

After wrestling with fear and surprise, God really laid it on my heart that this baby is a promise...a promise that He has not forgotten us, a promise that He is going to provide. I feel so overwhelmed with love for my Savior. He has blessed me beyond what I deserve. He is such a wonderful God. I know that I can trust Him.

The day before father's day was when we found out about our little gift. So, that is what Bill got for Father's day!

The timing to us seemed to be less than perfect, but it was God's plan, and His plan is ALWAYS perfect. So tonight, we praise God for new life! We lay all our hopes and fears at His feet and choose to rest and rejoice .

Praise the LORD.
Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.

Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.

Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and lyre,

praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,

praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.

Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.
Praise the LORD. Psalm 150

Fun day at the beach

Today I met a few friends at the beach. Yeah, it is pretty nice to live so close to such a nice beach! It was the perfect day to be out; 78 degrees and beautiful! The kiddos and I had such a blast. James rediscovered his love of water. I could not keep him out. He was a little crazy man...no fear! Anna and Ryan had fun playing with their little friends.

I am so blessed to be able to stay home and get to do this kind of stuff with my little ones. Today was a good day full of cherished memories. Thank you God for my little ones and for opportunities such as this. You have blessed me so much!

Anna loves to explore and learn!

Ryan is getting so big and so brave! James is definitely a water baby!

James' little footprints in the sand. Be still my heart!

My Manna

The other night I felt like complaining. Things were just building up and I was feeling as though I have had ENOUGH!! In my heart I grumbled to the Lord. "I can't do this any more. I am soooo tired." It has felt as though there has not been much of a break in our circumstances...and, at that moment I found justification for my complaints. I told the Lord my feelings and asked Him to change our situation...

A moment of weakness, a moment of doubt, mixed with anger and fear...translated into a grumbling heart. There was no joy found in that place, only sadness, only unrest.

Then a thought quietly came to me...

"You are acting no different then the wondering, complaining Israelites; taking for granted the 'Manna' that God has provided for You."

"But now we have lost our appetite; we never see anything but this manna!" numbers 11:6

It is so easy to read that verse and think, "ah, how could they complain? God sent them bread from Heaven. What an amazing thing. How could they possibly take the blessing from God for granted?" But, isn't that exactly what I am doing in my own heart by complaining about my circumstances? I love how the Lord gave us all these examples in scripture to teach us, and to show us that our hearts are no different.

I am always trying to teach my children to be thankful; to not complain when food is set before them. To always express gratitude when something is given to them. I feel so rebuked to realize that I did the same thing before the Lord. I was feeling ungrateful for the many blessings He has given to us, for our own 'manna', and complaining about the things that I do not have.

He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. Deut. 8:3

What the Israelites didn't realize was that God allowed their circumstances to serve as an example to us. To reveal God's glory and power, and also to show that "food" (earthly things) are not so important. We cannot always see the big picture, it is easy to get discouraged and give into the temptation of feeling ungrateful...just like the Israelites. We need the Lord. He sustains us. He is the bread of life and will make us complete.

I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world." john 6:51

Jesus said many times in the Gospels that we are to come to Him with our burdens. We are to lay them down at His feet.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34

What can I possibly have to complain about? My Creator loves me and has given me the "bread of life". I will rest in that and let Him take care of everything else.

Thank you Father, for teaching me, for showing me my wrong heart attitude. Thank you for everything you have blessed us with. Help me to be content in you. Thank you for saving me and making me Yours. Thank you that I can have fullness of joy in Your presence. I love you Father. Thank you for this time that I can learn to lean on you.

"You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever." Psalm 16:11

Missing them

My sister Allie is on the far right holding her son Gage. This was taken when we went out for my brother's wedding last Oct.

With everything that has been going on in our family, I am starting to feel so far away. My sister and her husband are in Ohio, and my brother and his wife are in PA. My sister had knee surgery yesterday and is doing well. My dad flew out there to be with her...but I wish I could be there to help too. I am more then happy and content where the Lord has us right now; in fact most days I don't want to move away from here. I love our church and our friends. I just miss my family so much today!

A fun List

Four Jobs I Have Had:
*Walmart Jewelry department
*Faith Hills Camp in Donelly Idaho
*Worked as a receptionist for a law firm
*Nanny

Four Films I Can Watch Over and Over:
*Pride and Prejudice
*Sweet Home Alabama
*The Princess Bride
*13 going on 30

Four Places I have lived:
*Pennsylvania
*Michigan
*Idaho
*Wisconsin

Four Favorite TV shows:
*Heroes!!! yea! Totally addicted and can't wait till it returns
*Lost
*Gilmore Girls (used to)
*American Idol

Four Favorite Foods:
*Cheese
*Chocolate
*Little Caesars pizza
*Mexican food

Four Websites I visit Daily:
*Gmail (used to have Yahoo, but switched over to Gmail...I've never looked back! I love the chat!) :)
*Blogger
*BibleGateway.com
*Google Reader

Four Places I Would Love to Be:
*In the mountains, in a cabin with my husband!
*Camping
*Old Navy! :)
*Anywhere my family is

Engough Light for Today

Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path. Psalm 119:105

Today I am resting in God's Word. He gives me the strength I need for today. His Word illuminates my path. Right now our family is totally overwhelmed with what to do with our mother. She was released from the hospital yesterday. Her kidneys started functioning better after a few hours. We are not going down there as of yet. But, she had no one to take care of her since Joe died. She cannot live alone.

Last night Allison (my sister) and I decided to take the night off and not think about stuff. Right now there is no solution. None of us can get down there. We are just having to entrust our mother's life into the Creator's Hands. We are praying for wisdom and for God to work in this impossible situation.

I wanted to share something that I thought was very fitting for my life right now. I read this book several years ago in a Bible study. At the time this didn't mean much to me. I came across this a few days ago and marveled at the timing of reading it again. God is so good! All praise belongs to Him!

Just Enough Light
Sometimes only the step I'm on,
or the very next one ahead,
is all that is illuminated for me.
God gives just the amount of light I need
for the exact moment I need it.
At those times I walk in surrender to faith,
unable to see the future
and not fully comprehending the past.
And because it is God who has given me
what light I have,
I know I must reject the fear and
doubt that threatens to overtake me.
I must determine to be content where
I am, and allow God to get me where I
need to go.
I walk forward,
one step at a time,
fully trusting that
the light God sheds
is absolutely sufficient.
(taken from the book...Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On, by Stormie Omartian)

Waiting for the next step...the next little bit of light...