Crumbs on my back

I think when it really hit me was a few weeks ago.  We had to do a photo shoot with our graduating class...Like I actually had to be IN a picture. I had to go out and buy an outfit because almost 6 months postpartum I still can not fit into any of my clothes {sigh}. I found an outfit that I felt was somewhat flattering. I did my hair (which I don't always have time to do) and put make up on (never do). I thought I looked relatively okay.  However when we got the group picture back a few days later I was horrified. I guess because I am never in pictures and maybe I don't pay much attention when looking in the mirror.  Seeing that picture made me realize that I really need to get myself into gear. It was the motivation I needed. Also buying a scale (I hadn't been weighed since Kaitlyn was 6 weeks old) and seeing that I have only lost 2 pounds since her birth was another motivating factor. :)

I have never been good at sticking with any kind of work out plan or diet. I always start out with good intentions and then it quickly fizzles out. I want to work out but I let other things get in the way and I don't make the time.  In all honestly I really despise working out. It is HARD.  Especially right now when I am So out of shape.  I do LOVE how I feel after I work out though.  There is such a sense of accomplishment.  I have started a work out routine. I do have high hopes of sticking to it this time around. There are two reasons for that. First, I have never been this heavy this long after having a baby. I have always just lost the weight easily (with the exception of my first baby...took me a long time to loose weight), but not this time.  Maybe it's because I am getting older? Second, I realize I am getting older and the need for me to get/stay in shape increases. I have a long family history of health issues (Diabetes being one of them).

I have thought about this a lot. Maybe years ago it would have just been about me loosing weight and looking/feeling good. While I can't lie and say that isn't something that I still desire, the need for me to live a healthy life is what is driving me. Bill and I have made a decision to walk a difficult but, oh so rewarding path, so for the sake of what God has called us to I want to be healthy and strong. Exercise is just one more tool for me to use towards that goal.  The goal is not self preservation, it's about being a good steward of what God has given me. I know that my body is a temple for the Holy Spirit so I need to do what I can to take care of this body that I have right now.

I have had to start slow. It has been a long time since I have done anything. I tried to start a routine a few months ago but because of school and the amount of homework I had (and the fact that I had a newborn who still got up at night) I wasn't able to do it for more then a week.  I was just too exhausted and lacked the motivation to try and force it.  Life has started to slow down a bit these days so this was a good time to start back up. The first time I worked out I was so so sore.  I had to wait 3 days before I could work out again. I thought I could just push past the pain but Bill told me (from his past experience of weight lifting) that I should wait and let my muscles heal. The next time I worked out I only had to wait two days, and now I am up to the point where I can work out every day. :)

I know it's going to be tempting to quit, especially when I don't see the results that I want. It is going to be tempting to skip when I feel tired and just don't.want.to.do.it! But, I know I can do it this time and I need to.  I don't want to let this become something I obsess about or worry about, it just needs to be apart of my daily life. If that makes any sense.

So while I have crumbs on my back tonight (from working out on my dirty floor of course) at least they're not on my face! {grin!}