On the eve of childhood

My eyes are heavy from a long full day. I should be crawling into bed right now because morning will come early. I just can't seem to force myself to go though...not quite yet anyway. I am not ready to wake tomorrow.

My baby is going to be one!

 

I am trying to articulate all the emotions swirling around my mind. This day has crept up on me. It has been a day mixed with tears, both sadness and joy.  I wanted that time would slow down just a little this year. I wanted to enjoy each day, and honestly I  have. I have enjoyed getting to know her and watch as her little personality emerges. She fits her name well...pure joy. It's what she is.

I wanted to hold her a little closer and nurse just a little bit longer.  I have and I will.

But the days are fleeting.

I am excited to see who she will become and what God has planned for her. But I am not ready for her to stop being a baby just yet. She is my last and it is so bittersweet.  Some days more bitter then sweet, but I taste the good in what is to come.

Oh sweet one, I will close my eyes tonight and continue to thank God that He blessed us with you (our surprise gift). You were a good thing from above.

Tomorrow when we wake we will celebrate you and the life He has given. I will soak up every last moment until the day is gone. And when the next day comes we will hold on and look forward to what your childhood will bring.

But just so you know, my heart won't let go...you'll always be my baby!

When words are few

"When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.”

~Ansel Adems

I have always been a writer.  As a little girl I spent  hours thinking and dreaming.  I wrote many stories, some real some not. It was just how I created. My mom encouraged me to follow that strong desire.  She even allowed me to keep a pen and paper next to my bed because I would often awake in the middle of the night with thoughts and ideas that I just had to record because I might forget them.  I have always been better at expressing myself through written word. I can't always articulate when I talk but if you give me some time to think I can usually come up with something with pen and paper (or laptop). I process life through writing.

 

Sometimes I find myself at a loss for words. I'm not sure what it is. I guess it goes in cycles. Sometimes I have a lot to say and sometimes I don't. Sometimes there is so much going on in my mind that I can't seem to untangle it all and get it out. There are almost always thoughts but sometimes they just get stuck...or I just don't have the time or desire to record them.

Over the last 3 years taking pictures has become another form of writing for me. When I don't have the ability to express words I use my camera to do it for me. Sometimes a photograph says it better then I ever could. Instead of a pen in my hand, my camera writes our story down. Capturing spontaneous  emotion and life just as it is happening has become a part of how I process. I wouldn't say that photography has replaced writing, hopefully it has just become a tool to enhance it.

 

But sometimes still communication fails me and recording life falls by the wayside. I find myself content with life and just living it. No need to process. Pens and cameras and laptops aside. Just living in the moment and finding my way in the quietness of life.

 

Friends forever

This morning as I was nursing Katie, Claire came over to be near us. At the sound of Claire's voice Katie stopped eating and looked over at her. They both smiled at each other.

"Katie, you are so fluffy." Claire exclaimed laughing. Katie responded by laughing. "Why is Katie fluffy?" I inquired. "Because she has so much hair." was Claire's response.

Already I can see a friendship blooming between these two. Right now they adore one another. I just pray that through the ebb and flow of their relationship over the years that they will remain close.

Friends forever.