Loosing it

My body has seen better days.

After having 5 babies things just aren't the way they used to be. I'm not sure what it is but after having each of my girls I have had a hard time loosing weight. With my boys I lost all my baby weight (and then some) right away. Right now, after having Katie I am the heaviest I have been (non pregnant). I still have about 15-20 pounds to loose. I have wanted desperately to get into a good exercise routine but have struggled to find the time (and energy) to fit it in. I know it sounds like excuses, and maybe it partly is but it is what it is. Exercise has been anything but consistent in my life the past 10 months. I feel bad about it yet I continue to not do much about it.

Until recently.

I decided that I just needed to take one day at a time. There are a few baby steps that I have taken over the last two weeks.  Nothing earth shattering or new just small things to get myself going.

~I sat down and made a daily schedule. This was very helpful to see how I should order my day and best be able to fit in the things that need to be there.

~I made time in my day for the most important thing...quiet time with the Lord.

~I am getting up earlier. I am not much of a morning person but this seems to be helping me get off to a good start.

~I eat a healthy breakfast like oatmeal when I feed the kids. Often I used to skip breakfast and just drink tea, but then I end up snacking on unhealthy foods all morning.  Eating a filling healthy breakfast has helped me to feel energized so I don't have the urge to sack.

~I drink LOTS of water. This is something that I have always done but I consider this to be so important.

~I have come up with more creative ways to get some exercise in.  This sounds really lame compared to some of my friends who go to the gym several times a week or spend hours a day working out, but in this stage of my life this is what works for me.  I have been doing things like playing baseball with my kids. Instead of having the kids be the ones to fetch the stray balls I am continually running after the balls.  This gets my heart going. We also play basketball or kick a soccer ball around.  Sometimes I walk laps around the church we live next to while the kids play in the yard. I also try and go for walks by myself, but this still doesn't happen nearly as often as I would like.

~I have cut out snacking in the evening.  I think this is possibly the biggest thing for me. Bill and I will often sit and watch a favorite show in the evening (after the kids are sleeping) and eat a bowl of popcorn. Now if I feel hungry at night I drink a glass of water and the desire to eat goes away.

~I have decided that I can do this!  I just realized that I have it in me (with Christ's help) to do this.  It is such a wonderful feeling. I decided that I need to be more positive (not just about weight loss) and choose to have joy in everything. This is something that the Lord has been working on me for years. It is so freeing to choose to have a positive outlook on life. Honestly, I believe that having joy  is one of the biggest steps you can take to becoming a healthy person. Scripture even says so, "a joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones." Provers 17:22

And guess what? This week I lost 3 pounds!! This is HUGE for me.  My scale has not budged in months.  I am so excited. I really do feel like a new person and it's not just about the weight loss.  I believe all these changes will add up to a healthier, happier me. :)

Chubby

Found this picture in my archives. Taken back in February. I just love my chubby baby. Some day I am going to miss those sweet cheeks.

10 months

What a beautiful sunny day we had today. I had to take to opportunity to get some outside pictures (since we were already outside playing). Kaitlyn was 10 months on the 16th so these are a little late. I doubt she changed too much in those couple of days. :) Hard to believe that in just 2 months my baby girl is going to be a year. Oy! Not sure if I can handle my last baby growing up.

I just love her hair! And those cheeks!

Silly girl! She loves to smile and make funny faces at us.

I just can't resist those beautiful eyes!

So thankful she is mine.

Resting in Him

Sometimes you hear a song and it touches the very core of your heart. I came across this song for the first time the other day and it reached down deap into what I feel.


Restless
You dwell in the songs that we are singing
Rising to the Heavens, rising to Your heart, Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between and frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You

Oh, speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me, whisper in the dark
'Cause I know You're more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless, tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I wanna rest in You

Still my heart hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry

Still my heart hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, let me rest in You
I'm restless, so restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I will rest in You

Conversations with Claire

A conversation with Claire today,

Claire (looking at me) "Ewww, I don't like that shirt." referring to what I am wearing.

Me  "That's okay you don't have to like it. What's wrong with it?"

Claire "I have no idea I just don't like it.  Change it."


Hahahaha.  That's our little fashionista who attempts to change her clothes multiple times a day (although we have put a stop to that). She definitely already has her own sense of style. It makes me wonder what she will be like when she is older. :)

(I think I should make this a regular section in my blog. Claire says the funniest things.  I need to write them down so I don't forget.)

Oh boy

Being a mom to little boys makes life so interesting.  The things they say and do melt me, make me laugh and sometimes make me cringe (in an, i don't understand why he did that because I'm not a boy, way).

This afternoon  I was reading a Star Wars book to James. I found it really dull but he thought it was very interesting. :) Anyway, all of the sudden I got a whiff of something quite stinky. It wasn't a toot kind of stinky, it was something different, I remarked, "Eww, what is that smell?"  James looked at me for a second and and then replied, "My bottom was itchy, I had to scratch it." Obviously he smelled it too because he knew what I was referring to. So gross!

I quickly told him to wash his hands.

We had a little chat about wiping better after we go potty (and not scratching with our bare hands afterwords).

hahahaha


Boys!

Self Portrait

Experimenting with my tripod and camera remote. :)

Go deeper

I have loved to read ever since I was young.  I almost always had a stack of  fiction books with me where ever I went (This must be why Anna comes by her love of reading so naturally). I remember my mom, who was an avid reader herself, always reading some sort of non fiction.  At the time I didn't really enjoy too many non fiction books (unless they were told like a fiction story...if that makes sense). I loved action and drama and mystery.  I loved being able to escape into a story and imagine myself as a part of what I was reading.  One day I asked my mom why she never read fiction.  She told me that she used to read a lot of fiction books, but later in life they didn't seem to hold her interest.  I couldn't imagine it.

What's funny is years later after this conversation with my mother, I find myself in the same situation.  I have tried many times to pick up a fiction book, even one of my favorites, and I just cant seem to get into it. I doubt this will last forever (at least I don't think it will), I think it is just where I am at lately.  I hunger for something more. And while there is nothing wrong with reading fiction I find myself wanting to read things of substance. I want to fill my heart and mind with good things, with His word and words that He inspired other believers to write.

For my birthday Bill got me a book by Amy Carmichael (I come quietly to meet you). Actually it's a devotional  consisting of some of her writings compiled. At the end of each devotional there is a prayer (written by the person who compiled her writings). Anyway, I recently started reading the book and I have to say there is not a chapter that I have not loved so far. It is speaking volumes to my soul. So much of her writing is right where my heart is at.  There have been some days where I am just speechless as to how perfect the devotional was for that day. I love how God uses His body to encourage and grow me.

This was one of the chapters that really touched me the other day.

Silent Song
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?...Deep calls to deep...By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me- a prayer to the God of my life. Psalm 42:5, 7-8

The son greatly wished to make a "Song of Lovely Things" to sing to his Beloved- but he could not find singing -words

He heard the voice of his Beloved saying, "You are walking on the road where all who love

But the son became full of grief, because there came a day when he could find no words to sing- neither his own, nor those of others. And yet he wanted with all his heart and soul and mind to ascend to higher places, to stand in the presence of His Beloved.
And He who is love eternal whispered, "then I, too, will approach you, silent in my love."

And the son entered into this silence, to meet the eternal Beloved there...

After a while there was a sound in the gentle stillness, a voice that whispered, "Even your silence is, to Me a song of lovely things..." (His Thoughts said...His Father Said p.30)

My Father, There are reasons why I could feel downcast. When I think about some parts of my life, it's hard to pray- even harder to worship in freedom...relationships that are difficult...dreams and goals that are crumbling...old hurts that wound me over and over...Some parts of me feel cold and wordless. Is the problem that I've buried some things deep inside? Are you patiently calling- through days and months- for me to open up to you at some deeper level? Today, Father, I trust you to go deeper.
      ~Chapter 6 from "I Come Quietly to Meet you"

Oh yes Lord! That is the prayer of my heart. Open those closed up places, the dark and empty and that need filled by you. Help me Lord to surrender to you. Thank you for meeting me where I am...even in the silence. 


I want to go deeper with you!

Spring

This picture just makes me think of spring. I love the color yellow, it makes me feel happy! It symbolizes freshness and clean starts.

I smell change in the air, and I have a feeling it isn't just seasonal. The air of life is about bloom into new things. Things may seem so uncertain right now, but I know that God is in control so I am excited to see what He has in store. I am watching and waiting to see what He grows in this season of life.

Spring is just around the corner. :)

Where I am

This space here has been pretty quiet. Busy life has taken over recently. It became a whirlwind when things opened up for us to move back to WI a month ago. We packed up our place in a week and left MO. Needless to say there has been no shortage of things to do. Just within the last week life is finally starting to settle down (with the exception of some yucky stomach bugs we have had) and we are adjusting to yet a new normal. Homeschooling is going okay, although I am still trying to find my way and find things that work for us. 

We moved back here just in time for some fun winter weather...so much snow everywhere! We have spent most of our days at home.  I have been enjoying some quiet afternoon activities when the littles sleep. The other day I made a patchwork strap for my camera.  I am loving how it turned out.  I also made a diaper bag with a bunch of baby things to go inside it for Claire's baby doll...her birthday is tomorrow, she turns 3.

That's about it for now.  I have lots of thoughts floating around my mind but haven't really been up to writing them down. Maybe sometime soon.

Until then...

7 months

7 months old on the 16th.

~She has 2 little teeth.

~is now rolling all over the place to get what she wants.

~still does not sit up unassisted yet, but we are getting there.

~loves to chew on everything.

~loves her little blankie. She grabs it every time I put her in bed and snuggles it close.

~Very curious about everything.

~I have to nurse her in the other room away from people because she won't eat otherwise. She has to know what is happening around her.

~Thinks playing with her feet is fun.

~Draws a lot of attention whenever we go out.

~Is still smiling all the time.

I need to redo these pictures when she doesn't have chapped cheeks, but I still thought they were too cute not to share. :)

Grow old with you

The frustration and emotion had been building in my heart. I felt ready to explode. This happens when things are about to change for me...life changing things. I am getting used to the idea of life constantly changing and the never ending goodbyes that come with it. That being said it just doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

It's funny because when we first moved out here to MO I didn't want to be here.  I wasn't ready to give up everything and leave it all behind. It was a process to accept that which God is calling us and surrender to Him,  and even find joy in the midst.  So, as graduation was approaching and the realization that life as we have known it the last year and a half was coming to the end, I cracked. School was about to end for Bill and I.  I was preparing to starting homeschooling again. We are entering into a new phase of what we need to do that is out of my comfort zone.  All these realizations came crashing down on me.  I felt totally overwhelmed.  I started to doubt my abilities to teach the children and to care for my home.

This was the frame of mind I was in one evening a few weeks ago. I am not really sure what started it but I blew up at Bill.  I am sure it was over something silly.  I was upset with him and said something to the effect that "I do everything around here with no help" (so NOT true).  He took it all in stride.  He did not yell back at me (like he could have) because that's the kind of man he is.

He went out to run errands that evening and was gone for quite awhile.  It was getting late so I put the kids to bed.   After tucking them in I came down to see that Bill had just gotten home.  I walked around the corner and gasped. There on my kitchen table was a very sweet bouquet of flowers. He smiled at me, "I thought you could use some encouragement." Next to the flowers was a card.  It was full of beautiful encouraging words.

I was humbled.

What an amazing man to tell me that I am beautiful and a good mom and to encourage that I can do this...even when I had been so mean and ugly to him. He could see past my ugly layers. Past the fear to the places that he knows. He gets me.

My heart melted and I fell in love even more.

I kissed him and told him how sorry I was for how I had behaved.  He understood and acted as if there was nothing to forgive.

Sigh! I am blessed.

Looking forward to the days ahead and growing old with you by my side.

I love you Bill!