Grow old with you

The frustration and emotion had been building in my heart. I felt ready to explode. This happens when things are about to change for me...life changing things. I am getting used to the idea of life constantly changing and the never ending goodbyes that come with it. That being said it just doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

It's funny because when we first moved out here to MO I didn't want to be here.  I wasn't ready to give up everything and leave it all behind. It was a process to accept that which God is calling us and surrender to Him,  and even find joy in the midst.  So, as graduation was approaching and the realization that life as we have known it the last year and a half was coming to the end, I cracked. School was about to end for Bill and I.  I was preparing to starting homeschooling again. We are entering into a new phase of what we need to do that is out of my comfort zone.  All these realizations came crashing down on me.  I felt totally overwhelmed.  I started to doubt my abilities to teach the children and to care for my home.

This was the frame of mind I was in one evening a few weeks ago. I am not really sure what started it but I blew up at Bill.  I am sure it was over something silly.  I was upset with him and said something to the effect that "I do everything around here with no help" (so NOT true).  He took it all in stride.  He did not yell back at me (like he could have) because that's the kind of man he is.

He went out to run errands that evening and was gone for quite awhile.  It was getting late so I put the kids to bed.   After tucking them in I came down to see that Bill had just gotten home.  I walked around the corner and gasped. There on my kitchen table was a very sweet bouquet of flowers. He smiled at me, "I thought you could use some encouragement." Next to the flowers was a card.  It was full of beautiful encouraging words.

I was humbled.

What an amazing man to tell me that I am beautiful and a good mom and to encourage that I can do this...even when I had been so mean and ugly to him. He could see past my ugly layers. Past the fear to the places that he knows. He gets me.

My heart melted and I fell in love even more.

I kissed him and told him how sorry I was for how I had behaved.  He understood and acted as if there was nothing to forgive.

Sigh! I am blessed.

Looking forward to the days ahead and growing old with you by my side.

I love you Bill!