Heart lessons part 1

This is something I wrote last November on our family blog. I have been thinking a lot about it. This summer has been hard. It has not been our usual fun filled activity summer. I have felt so tired (due to being pregnant) and not been able to do as much as normal. I have been wrestling with guilt as a mom. I have felt like I am not doing enough, not being a good enough mom for my little ones. I needed this reminder that Christ's power covers my weak places and makes me strong...I need to learn to rest in that!

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"This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:8-9

Recently the Lord taught me a lesson...One I pray that always stays fresh in my mind.

The day started out good. I was able to get up and spend quiet time with the Lord before the kids were awake (which doesn't always happen). I felt really refreshed. I read from the book of Joshua. Little did I know that this book (which is about having courage) was going to come in handy.

I got the kids up and had them fed and dressed at a decent time. I was excited to start school. Well, things were going smoothly at first than Anna started to become stubborn. Every instruction I gave her she fought me on. So I decided we needed to take a brake for a few minutes. When I said this Anna decided to throw a huge fit. I put her on time out as she continued to scream at me that she hated me. I went into my room and cried and then prayed and then I called a good friend of mine. She was able to give me the encouragement that I needed. I needed to do the right thing. I could not let her get away with disobedience and sassiness. When Anna calmed down I sat down with her and we talked. I explained to her what the Bible says. I began to cry and tell her how much my heart was broken because of her disobedience. I disciplined her and then I held her and affirmed her of my love and we cried and prayed together. Anna asked for forgiveness and for God's help and I prayed for wisdom and strength to always do the right thing.

The thing about all of this is, Anna has been disobedient before but it really affected me this time. Why? I felt like the Lord was teaching me, "This is how I feel when you choose to walk in sin and choose not to abide in me." I saw in Anna myself and how the Lord must view me....With sadness because He desires my fellowship and obedience. My love for Anna was never weakened, in fact I felt I loved her more and all the more reason I felt I had to deal with her sins.

The Lord is so faithful to teach us. He has promised to those who have placed their faith in Him, "...That he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil 1:6) It amazes me how He can use our small children to teach us such valuable lessons. The Lord has been teaching me how important it is for me to be daily in His Word. I need Him. I have often felt discouraged in my day to day life and I have come to understand the reason why. I have not been relying on Christ, I have relied on myself far to often. The key to successful parenting is to realize that you cannot do it. Sounds kind of dismal doesn't it? But I can do nothing apart from Christ. I might try for a little while but I will always get burned out. It's usually around my lowest place that I will remember this. I have to keep coming back to God and admit that I need Him.

In her book "Tender Mercy for a Mother's Soul" Angela Thomas says, "In motherhood, I have come to know the weakest parts of myself. I see where other moms are more and I am less. I feel the weight of wanting to be all and struggling to be in part. There are more hardships and difficulties than I could have ever anticipated. To love my family, care for a home, and pursue my passions is to be confronted with the truth of my weakness. I am not enough. I cannot possibly do it all. But then Jesus speaks and says, 'There-right there in the weakness of motherhood-there is where My power is perfected. My grace in you will be more than enough .' [paraphrase from 2 cor 12:9] And I can rest. I can breath a deep sigh of relief and rest. The power of Christ covers my weak places and supernaturally makes me strong."

So there it is, in my weak places Christ takes over. In my moment of weakness with Anna when I was feeling like I couldn't do it; I felt like I couldn't be the mother I was supposed to be because it was too hard. The Lord gently reminded me of two things: 1.)I need to rely on Christ and to be daily, hourly, minutely abiding 2.)That my choosing to rely on myself rather than Him is a sin. It hurts Him just like it hurt me that Anna was so disobedient to me.

"It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassion's fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

We truly serve an awesome God!

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I have more thoughts to come on what the Lord is teaching me in reguards to ministry and my family...