Growth

Wednesday afternoon I had an unexpected visitor. I had just put James down for his afternoon nap, Claire was sound asleep in her crib, and I turned the TV on for the older two, so I could hop in the shower real quick. I had only been in there for about 5 minutes before Anna knocked on the bathroom door to say that Miss Sandy was here. :) I quickly finished up and got dressed. "Miss Sandy" as the kids call her is our neighbor, a dear friend, and one of my mentors. I couldn't have been happier to see her (never mind that James had gotten out of bed, dumped out a big box of toys, and that there were dirty dishes on the counter, and laundry EVERYWHERE). I KNOW that she understands the state my house was in, as she raised a houseful of children years ago; and I am past most of my pride about what my house looks like. If you stop in unannounced, my house will most likely not be in order. Anyway, she had stopped because she had promised to help me with a project sometime this week. I was not ready for this project, we were going to plant tomatoes together, and I hadn't gotten to the store to pick up the plants. I do NOT have a green thumb and I wanted to learn. She said that she was stopping to watch the kids so I could get out by myself and pick out the plants. Of course I jumped at the change. I had 45 minutes to get to Wal-mart and back...plenty of time...and refreshing to get a break! :)

When I got home Sandy had Anna and Ryan washing all the dishes for me, and the house looked a lot better then when I had left. The kids were all excited to see what I had brought home, and Sandy assured me that the plant I had picked looked strong and healthy. Then we all promptly went out back to plant it. I know this is silly, especially for those of you who have done it before, but it was so easy, and fun.

This seemingly small task is actually an answer to prayer. I have been praying over the last several months that God would help me to be a good steward of what He was given to us. My time, our kids, our money, etc. I have been going over ways that I could help our family eat healthier and be as frugal as possible. I was thinking that it would be so wonderful to have a garden, but that is just not possible. We don't get any sun in the back yard, and since we don't own the house we live in, we can't just cut down trees to remedy the situation (not that I would want the trees to go). I was tempted to lament the situation, if only we had...then we could...God could use us more if...but I knew better then to stick around those dangerous thoughts. Then an idea came to grow tomatoes in pots, maybe that would work. Since we don't know how well it will go, we decided to just grow one pot this year.

Looking at my humble little tomato plant fills my heart with joy. I get excited when I look out at it's green leaves stretching and swaying, ever so slightly in the breeze. It symbolizes so much more to me then the ability to (hopefully) watch it bear fruit. It represents things that are bigger, are extraordinary in my ordinary life....contentment, peace, joy....growth! This past year has been a year of growth for me. I feel like I am starting to understand, in the smallest way, what it means to be content. To long for the things that have eternal value. To learn what having joy means, and the choices that go along with that. I am experiencing it in my marriage, in my attitude with raising my children, and even in my perspective in those around me.

There was a time when I would have given in to the temptation of ugly thoughts and dwelt in unhappiness. Not to say that my mind never goes there but, I am realizing more and more how unhealthy and damaging that is...and the ability to recognize when my thoughts are going down that path. There was a time when I would not have been happy with "just" one tiny tomato plant. I can honestly say that I AM content at the moment. It has nothing to do with me. I did not not change myself. As I submitted myself to the Lord and He began to peel back the many ugly layers, things started to change to take on a new form. My eyes were opened. The process has been painful at times, but the outcome is blessing beyond belief. God's grace is so beyond what I can grasp, and yet I can see a small portion of it wrapped around my life. I know I have a long way to go but looking at my tiny plant gives me hope. I am reminded of everything good that God has done and is doing in my heart. Thankfully He NEVER gives up on me.

"being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6