Decisions on homeschooling

I've been struggling with guilt lately.  We have a lot of big decisions to make, many of which revolve around our kids. One of the biggest decisions is regarding homeschooling curriculum. When we pulled the kids out of public school this past December I just did a mix of curriculum with Anna and Ryan. It wasn't  the most organized system but it got us through the rest of the year.  I knew at the beginning of summer that I was going to want something more organized. We began praying months ago for wisdom in this area. But, here we are just 2 and a half weeks before school starts and we still have not ordered anything.  Every time I have sat down to research or pray about it I just feel this huge weight and then I feel paralyzed in making any kind of decision.

I think the problem is, I have this ideal of homeschooling.  I have thoughts about how I think it should go and what I want it to look like. I love the whole Charlotte Mason approach to homeschooling. I want to be more hands on. I want to understand my kids better and teach in way that is effective for each of their learning styles. I want to be involved. However, because of us moving overseas (hopefully in the next year) we need to find something that doesn't require so much planning and teaching on my part. Bill feels strongly about getting the kids in an online charter school, at least for the next few years. We want to try it out this year and see how it goes before we got overseas.  The reason for doing this is because the first few years in another country are going to be very busy and stressful for us as we learn the language and culture. We still feel strongly about homeschooling, so it looks like for now this is our best option.

This decision has lead to even more guilt on my part. I couldn't put my finger on why I was feeling so much guilt until the other night when I was talking it out with Bill. I realized that it's because of the ideas I hold of homeschooling.  A few months ago I went to a homeschooling seminar. It was while Bill and I were in training and it was geared towards people like ourselves who are going to be homeschooling overseas. One of the biggest things that struck me about that seminar was when one of the speakers said, "homeschooling will look different overseas then it does in the states." It sounds like a duh statement but I had never really thought about it. Oh course it is going to be different.  I keep thinking about that and realize that I need to come to grips with it.  I have to get rid of some of my ideals and learn to be flexable.  At least for a time.  For my sanity and stress level, we are going to have to do things differently over there.

I was talking to a new friend of mine recently and telling her my concerns with the curriculum that we are deciding on. She looked at me and said, "You know, you can make anything work. It's all in your attitude and how you approach it."  I really appreciated her saying that to me.  Yes we may find that we don't care for what we have chosen to use this year, but we will work with it and learn from it and adjust things as need be. And who knows we could find that we absolutely love it, this new way of schooling and it could radically change my my ideas about homeschooling. I don't want it to sound like I  expect our experience this year to be all negative. I just know it's going to be different. It always takes me awhile to adjust to change.

I have also come to realize over the last few days that I don't need to feel guilt.  Guilt does not come from the Lord so it is not something that I need to succumb to. I am still my children's teacher (no matter if they are using an online teacher to teach their subjects to them). I will still be proactive in teaching my children character traits and what God's Word has to say. Those are the lessons in life that are the most important.

We are going to be making our final decisions about curriculum this weekend, and ordering all of our materials. I will come back once we do and write about what we end up with.  Looks like it's going to be and interesting adventure this year. :)