Learning to Love

"Perhaps everything terrible is, in it's deepest being, something that needs our love" - Rainer Maria Rilke I read this quote the other day and it really struck me. It seemed fitting to what I was going through right now.

Today was a hard day. One of those days where I felt like a failure. My oldest child is having major issues with her attitude, and issues with obedience. I feel like I am constantly have to discipline her. We have had lots of long discussions lately. I pray a lot for wisdom and to keep calm to be able to handle the situation rationally. I am trying not to take it personally when she says she hates me and then packs her bag to run away (later changed her mind because realized she didn't want to go hungry living out on the streets. :) ).

Some days I think I understand how it must feel to God to look upon me and see me walk in sin. It breaks my own heart to see one of my children choosing to go on the wrong path. In my sadness though, I feel such love for them. I want to teach them to understand that God's ways are the best. Choosing to side with God in obedience brings so much joy. Oh how my heart aches to have them understand. I love them so much and want them to see the truth.

I need strength to stand strong on these hard days. To know when to say yes and when to say no. To love my children more in the way they need to be loved. To understand that sometimes behavior is a cry to be loved.

I love being a mom. I wouldn't want to do anything else. But some days are just hard!

God, I cry out to you for help. I need your strength and your wisdom. Help me to love more, to love selflessly, to love each child the way that they need. Help me to show your grace. I pray that I would choose to walk in the spirit and You would shine through my selfish flesh. I pray for my children that they would understand the importance of obedience and that they would come to love you. Oh God I need You. You have blessed me so much with my little ones. I pray that you would step into the gap...take me out of the picture and fill me with your love. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness. Thank you that you gently lead those that have young. Thank you Lord for renewing my strength and showing me how much I desperately need you to guide me.
In Jesus name, Amen

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Cor 13:4-7