Today the phone rang...the call came as we have been waiting for...Bill did not get the job. Bill knew in his heart by Monday that he did not get it. I however secretly held out some hope. Memories from last summer flashed through my mind when Bill told me the news. I felt my heart sink. I looked into the face of the man I loved, trying to hide my own disappointment, I said "It's ok." This wasn't the right job. We have been praying that God would give him a job that would be best for our family, and that would also bring God the most glory. I saw the discouragement cloud Bill as he explained WHY they said they didn't hire him. For the first time it wasn't the fact that he doesn't have a lot of experience, it was just they they didn't care for him. They said he wasn't enthusiastic enough. I think that hurt the most. And then seeing my husband second guess himself for answers he had given, for wondering what he could have/should have said differently. Even though I know that it wasn't the right job, it still bothers me that they didn't want to give him a chance. I know what a great man he is, hard working and dedicated...but they will never know that.
I tired to be an encouragement to him, even as I pushed back the lump in my own throat. I prayed that I wouldn't cry until he had left the room. I don't want him to think that I am disappointed in him...I am not. I am so proud of him. I am just sad tonight. I know that God has something else planned. I do wonder how long we will wait this time. How hard will things get? How many times will I have to watch Bill get rejected? How many times will I have to feel my heart break for the man I love, as he tries so hard to provide for our family. I guess there isn't much use wondering, because that will only lead me down a path of worry...and I'd rather not go there. I know my mind is already so tempted to travel that way. I can feel it trying to creep in and it sucks the breath out of me, and puts a heavy cloud of darkness on my soul.
I know that everything will be ok, but tonight I am not ok. I will be, but just not right now.
7 comments:
No words to say to make you feel better, I'll just be praying for you!!!!!!
Praying for your heavy heart to be encouraged during these tough times! You're an amazing wife and mother!
I'm sorry...:-( Praying that God will provide the right job for Bill SOON--and give you the strength and courage you need to get you through until then...
Your family is in our prayer's as well!!! If you need anything...please, please let me know!
I hope he gets the right job soon. You are a wonderful wife!
I actually got all teared-up just reading about your disappointment, and your desire to be an encouragement to your husband. You are such a good example of strength and patience & a quiet, gentle spirit.
I'm praying that God will provide an amazing job opportunity for Bill and that He will comfort both of your hearts! Love you!
Even as I read the heartache in your story, I feel a strong peace deep in my soul that God will provide something for Bill. Keep your eyes above - do not lose sight. Praying for you and your family.
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