Beauty

(Apple tree in bloom at my in-laws house)

There is so much beauty around us. if we only take the time to notice it. You can make a conscience effort to look for the essence and therefore develop an appreciation for the beautiful things in life. Your days will seem a lot less harried, I promise you. Beauty has a way of totally capturing our senses, making us forget the fact that the car stalled on the way to work this morning, that the kids spilled chocolate milk on the carpet, that the workload keeps piling up. For a few brief shining moments, nothing else seems to matter. And the wonderful thing about beauty is that we can store it in our minds to be played over and over again. ~Lucy Swindoll

Looking for beauty in the daily simple things. Sometimes it's hard not to get swallowed up in mess and forget to have my eyes opened to the things I should. Thank you God for reminding me of the beauty all around!

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end. I know that nothing is better for them then to rejoice and to do good in their lives. Ecclesiastes 3:11-12

You Capture: Sweet

It was 85 degrees here today, so I thought I'd grab my baby and head outdoors to capture some "sweet". We've been spending lots of time outside these days actually. Yeah!!

I had to use this picture because you can actually see her hair...the little bit there is. :)

Claire really is a sweetheart.

Anna loving on her sister. Doesn't get much sweeter then that!

Head over to Beth's blog to see how others captured sweet!

What's cooking?

Primavera Light

16. oz. Spiral (whole wheat) or other pasta, dry

5 cups (about 1 pound fresh) Cooked vegetables

1 packet/1 oz. Ranch Salad Dressing & Seasoning Mix

1 cup Chicken broth

1/2 cup Grated Parmesan cheese

Cook pasta according to package directions; drain and combine with vegetables and chicken in large skillet. Stir seasoning & salad dressing mix into broth; pour over vegetable mixture. Cook and stir over low heat until hot. Sprinkle with cheese; serve immediately.

This is a huge hit with our family, and it feels pretty healthy too.

Emotions

I sit here staring at the screen. I want to write, so many thoughts go through my mind but I'm not sure I can accurately explain the depths of my feelings. I have shared some with friends, but kept most in my heart. Always pondering, pensive at times, wistful at others. Life seems to be full of emotions for me these days. Emotions that at times, I am not sure how to even handle. It comes and goes. Some days are ok but some days are just plain hard. It's like a roller coaster...I knew when we stepped on it that it was going to be full of ups and downs, I just didn't realize how twisted my heart would get in all of it.

I glance at the calender on the wall. It tells me today that we have just a little over 12 weeks before we leave the comfort of our familiar surroundings and head to Missouri. I can't believe it's been six months already since the Lord made it clear that this was to be the path we should follow. 12 weeks isn't a lot of time....

Most days I feel as though my heart is being squeezed until I can barley breathe. I knew it would be hard to leave, but I just didn't know it would hurt this much. Maybe I am just being a bit dramatic but it's how I feel. My eyes brim with tears as I think about leaving those we love for the next 2 years, not knowing when/ if we will get back here over those years to visit. So much is changing. Babies will be born that I will miss. Friendships will be formed that I will miss. Everyday miracles and transformation of the hearts of those we love will take place, and we won't be here. This is the way life works. People move all the time, but I just don't want to miss what I know we will.

I fear being forgotten. I know how life goes. I know people get busy. I know life goes on. It's not that I think I'm so important. It's not that I want friends to sit around and pine for me. Maybe it's all selfish. I know that the world doesn't revolve around me. It's just nice to know that in some way you will be missed.

I want to spend the remaining days we have here enjoying and being around the ones we love...however that doesn't seem to happen much. The summer is a busy time for all, and so I fear that the quality time I desire is already gone. Those days have been spent. Change has begun already, and I don't like it. On the other hand, I don't want to have my eyes so fixed on what I am going to miss when we leave that I do miss opportunities that are right in front of my face. Confused yet? Yeah! That's just a glimpse into my mind.

So much to do so little time....

We are going through our lifetime of belongings. Deciding what to give up and what comes with. Most has to be given up. I have never been that attached to "things". I am finding though that this task is bigger and much much harder then I thought. We decided the other night that we shouldn't hold on to all the baby clothes or gear (that we aren't currently using). We are happy with our family but unsure if the Lord will lead us to expand it. I assumed that we would keep baby things "just in case". But, after praying about it we decided to give it away to someone who can use it now. My heart was NOT prepared for that. I sat in the bathroom and cried and cried. I don't know where all the tears came from but they didn't want to stop. With every piece of clothing I pick up I see one of my babies in it. Just another rip to my already breaking heart.

The mess we are living in right now consumes and overwhelms me. There are so many boxes around. I can hardly stay on top of normal everyday things like my laundry and dishes, so added to all the chaos of moving...you get the picture...and it isn't pretty!

I'm treading...and barely staying above...

I started running again. I feel restless. It helps. I feel calm when I run. I feel peace. It helps to work out the frustrations, confusion, anger, grief, and any other emotion I feel but don't even realize.

I try and have my quiet times in the morning. I read, I pray. It feels like it's just a routine. I tell God my heart and thank Him for His goodness and bring my requests to Him. But He remains so silent. I don't feel close to God. I want to grow but I feel so dry. I know though, that I can't rely on my feelings, especially these days because they seem to be tossed by the wind. I rely on the fact that God IS there and IS working and does love me even if I don't feel it. I just long to hear His still small voice again.

I feel weak admitting my inability to deal with the change that is happening. I feel guilty. I even fear sharing my heart. What if it's not normal? What if I shouldn't be feeling what I do? I should be stronger. I shouldn't cry so much. I mean really, it is ridiculous. I cry about everything. It seems to be my main response to anything. I have always been strong. I am NOT an emotional person. But not these days. I am no longer strong...

It just occurred to me as I sit here that maybe...I think... just maybe, He is breaking me! A broken and contrite heart is what He desires. He wants me to lay aside my pride, the pride that I can control my emotions. "Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered..." (Psalm 51:17 The Message) I guess maybe I need to let it go and let Him work in me. I want to be changed. The process just hurts. I have to become weak so that His strength can work through me.

Why do I share the depths of my heart that I have kept a secret, here with you? Two reasons. one, I want to remember what God has taught me. The good and the hard things. I want to look back and see His faithfulness, and how even when it doesn't feel like it, He is always working. I don't want to be negative but I do want to be real. I want to remember what I felt as I walked the path He has set before us. I only pray that it is done in such a way that is honoring to Him. The second reason being, I wanted to set false impressions aside. If you are under the impression (and I doubt you are) that our following the Lord onto the mission field is easy...no I don't mean easy...if we are doing it because it is something that we always dreamed about...you are wrong. I know I have said going on the field was something that we thought we would always do. But the idea did not originate in and of ourselves. Our only desire has been to be used by the Lord for His glory...and this is how He is seeing fit to use us. Please don't mistake the things I feel for me not wanting to follow God's lead. I have no doubts that what we are doing is what He wants. It just doesn't make this transition any easier on my heart.

"My soul, wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be shaken. On God my salvation and my glory rest; The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah." Psalm 62:5-8)

You Capture: colors

I had another idea that I wanted to do for this weeks challenge, however I wasn't able to get pictures of what I planned.

Sooo...this is what I can up with.

Anna is my little artist. She loves to draw and paint. We always puts lots of colors into what she makes.

Check out Beth's blog to see how others captured colors.

Wordless Wednesday-planting

Our friend and neighbor Miss Sandy invited us over to plant some flowers in her garden (since we don't have one). The kids were very excited about this. She gave them a little outdoor lesson on plants.

For the love of reading

This is my spring/summer reading list

FOR FUN:
~The Twilight series, by Stephanie Meyers

Yes I jumped on that bandwagon. :) Totally not the kind of book I would usually read, and never thought I would read it. However I just finished the first one and I really enjoyed it. I borrowed it from a friend, but it is one that I wouldn't mind owning! It did take me about 2 and a half weeks to finish it (unlike most of my friends who read it in a day or two) because it is so hard for me to find the time to read. I am starting the next book in the series (New Moon) tonight. :)


~The Shack by William Young

This one is the next book to read on my list. My mother in law read it (and several others I know) and said I HAD to read it. I have heard mixed reviews about it, so I am interested to see what it is all about.





SPIRITUAL GROWTH:

~Hinds Feet on High places by Hannah Hannard

This is a book that has been sitting on my bookshelf for YEARS and I have never read it. I have been wanting to for a long time, and now seems to be the right time to do it for whatever reason.




~The complete Green Letters by Miles Stanford

I have read parts of this book over the years...first reading it in Bible school...but I have never finished it. I decided this summer to do a Bible study with a few other woman at church using this book. I HIGHLY recommend it.




CLASSICS:

~Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen

I am a big fan of Jane Austen, my favorite being Pride and Prejudice. I thought this would be a good read to add to my list this summer.


I make a list like this every summer. Last summer I hardly got through any of the books that I wanted to read. I don't know how well I will do this year, but these are my goals. It may not seem like a lot (and trust me I would LOVE to read more), but I know this summer is going to be crazy busy...so we'll see how far I get.

How about you? Have you read any of these? What did you think? Do you have a list of books for the summer (or any time of year)? Do you have an good recommendations? What have you read recently?

Let me hear your thoughts!

Mother's day

The 4 reasons why I am called mom. I am very blessed!

What a wonderful day it was. Donuts for breakfast, flowers, homemade card, daddy-made lunch, a 2 hour nap for me (YAY!!), and a fun evening at grandparents. Couldn't ask for anything more perfect. :)

You Capture: Expression

I happened to catch this look of sadness on Anna's face (she didn't know I was there). She was upset with me because I was going out for coffee with a friend. I almost never go out, but she apparently didn't like it that I was. *Sigh* I think she survived! :)

She is definitely very good at expressing herself. My little drama queen, back turned to show her displeasure.

Ah, now here is the smile that I know and love!

Check out Beth's blog for other captures of expression.

A scary day

But in hindsight it could have been so much worse.

Did you see this story in the headlines? A 3 year old little boy disappears from his home in MO on Monday. He merely slipped out the back door, unnoticed. Bill and I watched a CNN news report about the missing child tonight. This hit REALLY close to my heart tonight. The reason being, this could be us...

This morning I was doing an art project with the kids at the kitchen table. James grabbed a piece of construction paper and said he wanted to color. Since I hadn't gotten the crayons out yet James asked me to help him. I asked him to wait a minute because I was in the middle of helping Ryan cut something out. James got down from the table and went out to the back porch where we keep the art supplies. He was out there for a few minutes when Bill called from the other room, "where's James?" I replied the he was on the porch getting crayons. Little did I know that this was NOT the case.

A minute or 2 later, the doorbell rang. I gasped, thinking it must be James but wondering how in the world he got out the door because he doesn't know how to get it open. I quickly ran out there. It wasn't James I saw but a stranger woman standing there. I opened the door to see 2 woman actually, standing there by MY James.

"Is this your son?"

"Yes" I replied scooping him into my arms. I was totally bewildered. Then the woman explained that they had seen James running across the highway...not once but twice. They pulled over and approached him. When they did, he led them back to our house (which was across the street). I thanked the woman (who by the way explained this in a less then friendly manner. She had a very angry disgusted look on her face.)

I took James into the house, still stunned that this had actually happened. Bill and I talked to James who seemed totally oblivious to what he did...like it was no big deal. I melted into a puddle of tears. I have been officially rewarded "Worst mother of the year". I didn't even know he was gone until the rang the doorbell. The time frame of all this was actually only 5 minutes. It happened so fast. I knew as soon as those two woman walked away that the cops would be the next to show up (of course they reported me). Sure enough 10-15 minutes later a cop is at our door.

Of course my house was messy from a morning of teaching the kids. Toys on the living room floor from Claire and James, art stuff all over the table, and dirty dishes on the counter. The first thing out of his mouth was, "Are you running a daycare facility here." Um no...these kids just all belong to me. He then took my name asked me what happened. I told him the whole thing. He took the the names and ages of all my kids. Talked to Bill. He then told us that he is required to report this to social services. Then he said don't sweat it, I'm sure everything will be fine. (Whatever, "don't sweat it", I've just been told that I am being reported to Social service, and now they may just show up at my door!). He then found an excuse to walk through the house (he said he wanted to see the backyard), I'm sure so he could see if our house was trashed. I explained that the reason for the boxes and bags of stuff on the back porch is because we are moving in a few months...I don't want him thinking we live like slobs. Ug! He left shortly after talking to James and telling him not to run away again.

What a nightmare! I still feel sick thinking about it. I think of all the what ifs. As I tucked James in tonight and kissed him on the cheek, I thanked God for this little boy, for protecting him. After hearing the story about the 3 year old today who is still missing, I feel so grateful that my boy is sleeping soundly in his bed. My heart aches for those other parents. I know how quickly things can change. Life could have taken a much worse turn for us today. I am praising God it didn't, but praying for the parents who's lives will never been the same.

Wordless Wednesday-Sunset

On a walk with a friend the other night, and this was our view!

Where Grace Lives

I wanted to share an excerpt from one of my favorite mom books, "Tender Mercy for a Mother's Soul" by Angela Thomas. I pray you will be as encouraged by it as I was.

How to Know Where Grace Lives

~ All the neighborhood kids want to hang out at the house where grace lives. There is more dirt to be swept, there are more snacks to be made, and the grass doesn't grow outside the back door or under the swing. But the kids show up, hang out, and get loved where grace lives

~ There is always enough for one more where grace lives....one more for dinner....one more to sleep over....one more hug....one more kiss.

~The dust may be a little thicker on top of the TV, and the closets a bit cluttered, but hearts have been tended where grace lives. Family management has become the tool instead of the goal. Schedules matter, but souls matter more.

~The lights are on late where grace lives. Grace stays up to listen, hug in the dark, and wipe away tears of disappointment and pain.

~ You can see people dancing where grace lives, because moms hang up the phone, turn up the music, and dance over victories of their children. Sometimes the children just watch from behind their cereal and "catch" the grace of a silly mom.

~You can hear things like, "Please forgive me, I was wrong....I'm disappointed, but I love you...You are my treasure...You are a blessing...let me pray for you."

~ The eyes of the children where grace lives shine with joy and anticipation. They have not been wounded by impossible expectations. They have not been distanced by rejection. They have been embraced and accepted and loved.

~ The moms at the house where grace lives are just regular, everyday moms, but God lives inside them. By His power, they are becoming holy and righteous and good. They stumble but recover quickly. They make mistakes but say, "I'm sorry." They get blown by the winds of heartache and adversity, but their hearts remain tender toward God.

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Oh how I pray daily that our home would be one full of grace and God's love. I know I blow it often, but thankfully I have a God who is there when I do and reminds me not to live in self condemnation. I have been forgiven and because of that I can go on and His power in me enables me to show grace to my little ones. Thank you God for Your goodness!

My first wedding shoot :)

I had the privilege of taking pictures at a wedding Thursday morning. When my friend called to see if I would take pictures for her daughter's wedding, I was just a bit excited. :) Although WAY out of my league as I am new to all this picture taking stuff, I felt honored that they would ask me to help out.

It was small and intimate ceremony. Just the bride and groom's parents, grandparents and siblings. The groom was leaving for military training the next day, so they decided to get married before he had to leave.

Seeing this young couple brought me back to my early days of being in love.

The Bride's grandparents reminding us that you are never too old, or been married too long to hold hands! :)

After the ceremony it is often a tradition to go to a bar, but since this isn't a bar family, they went to Starbucks, where the bride works. It seemed a fitting atmosphere for this young, fun, hip couple.

It certainly was a "new day" for the happy couple!

After Starbucks, they headed over to a beautiful club to enjoy some lunch. What a joy it was for me to watch as the bride and grooms families laughed, told stories, and celebrated the uniting of a new family.

The bride's parents.

A private moment together.

Congratulations M & K. May God bless you in the years to come. I pray that the love you have for one another now will only continue to grow and mature. Thank you for allowing me to share in your special day with you.