Waiting

We have been waiting for a long time. (or so it feels) In fact, waiting has been something that Bill and I are getting really good at. I would venture to say we are even becoming pros. :)

Hurry up and wait. It's the name of the game.

We wait on the Lord to reveal His will.

This is a big week for us. Tomorrow is the 16th. A final decision is going to be made about our future. There are days when it has felt like it ALL hangs in the balance, but we know this isn't true. He has a plan, no matter what the decision is.

It's like opening a package on Christmas morning. I know that whatever is in that box is going to be good...because it was given to us by the Giver who gives good gifts.

So we wait with anticipation and hope...no matter what this weeks answer will bring.


Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary. Is 40:31

Naming rights

This is a re-post from 10/08/07. I was pregnant with Claire at the time (I did update the picture and use one from this pregnancy). My thoughts on this issue are still the same, and I thought it would be appropriate to post it again now as we are thinking and praying for a name for this little one. Although the meaning of the name of this sweet girl will be different the process is still the same.
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Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. Gen. 2:19

The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man." Gen 2:23

The kids and I have been reading through Genesis. The other day the details of the creation account just struck me in a different light. God gave naming rights to Adam, it says clearly in Gen, 2:19. God told Adam to name all the animals, and whatever name Adam gave them, that was what they were to be called. He was also given the right to name Eve. God very well could have done all that Himself, but instead He choose to let Adam be a part in this aspect of creation. Interesting...

Now that we know what we are having, the search for a name begins. I have been praying for this little one since we found out that she would be joining our family. We knew that this baby was a gift, a promise of the Lord's provision. I have been praying that the Lord would impress upon us what this baby's name should be. Something full of meaning, something that will show the goodness of God and His love for us during a trying time. I want, when people hear and know what the name means, that they will not be able to help thinking about the faithfulness of God. I feel like the name is like an offering. He is giving us this child, and I want to give her a name that will reflect Him and bring glory to Him.

Naming our children has always been special. Each of our children's names have meaning to us. They each fit their names perfectly. I think it hit me more as we were going though Genesis, what a gift the Lord has given us in allowing us to choose. Just as Adam was given naming rights, the same is true of our children. A name is something that is so important and special, and we have been blessed with the privilege. Maybe it sounds silly, but I was just so struck by what a beautiful thing that is that God allows us to participate in. Not only do I get to participate in the miracle of a growing baby inside me, but we have the honor of naming something that rightfully belongs to God. Wow! Thinking of it that way, just makes it seem so sacred.

I don't feel stressed or pressured to find the perfect name because I know that God already knows what it is. This baby's days have been recorded even before she came to be. I know that in His timing He will make it clear to us. While we are given the right and the privilege to call our baby what we want, we are looking to Him for wisdom. I am so excited about it! Isn't it so amazing to just sit back and watch God reveal His plan? He just amazes me!

God's craftsmanship

The heavens proclaim the glory of God.
The skies display his craftsmanship.
Day after day they continue to speak;
night after night they make him known.

They speak without a sound or word;
their voice is never heard.
Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,
and their words to all the world.

God has made a home in the heavens for the sun.
It bursts forth like a radiant bridegroom after his wedding.
It rejoices like a great athlete eager to run the race.

The sun rises at one end of the heavens
and follows its course to the other end.
Nothing can hide from its heat.
Psalm 19:1-6

Beauty

(Apple tree in bloom at my in-laws house)

There is so much beauty around us. if we only take the time to notice it. You can make a conscience effort to look for the essence and therefore develop an appreciation for the beautiful things in life. Your days will seem a lot less harried, I promise you. Beauty has a way of totally capturing our senses, making us forget the fact that the car stalled on the way to work this morning, that the kids spilled chocolate milk on the carpet, that the workload keeps piling up. For a few brief shining moments, nothing else seems to matter. And the wonderful thing about beauty is that we can store it in our minds to be played over and over again. ~Lucy Swindoll

Looking for beauty in the daily simple things. Sometimes it's hard not to get swallowed up in mess and forget to have my eyes opened to the things I should. Thank you God for reminding me of the beauty all around!

He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end. I know that nothing is better for them then to rejoice and to do good in their lives. Ecclesiastes 3:11-12

Unity

How good and pleasant it is
when brothers live together in unity!
Psalm 133:1

A not so good day

Yesterday was NOT a good day. In fact it was pretty awful, one of the worst we have had since we started school. Or at least it felt like it was. I had attitudes, a toddler who trashed the house little to no time and seemed determined to do something that required my immediate attention every few minutes and an unusually fussy baby. (It is not abnormal for the house to get trashed while I am teaching. I let him get out coloring books and lots of different teaching toys to spark his interest. But yesterday the mess just got to me). And to top it off the bookshelf on the sun porch where I keep all our school stuff collapsed, spilling stuff EVERYWHERE!! I totally lost my temper and yelled at the kids. I just couldn't take it anymore. I broke right there.

As I sat in the kitchen with my (throbbing) head buried in my hands, crying and feeling as if I could not do this, James placed his chubby little hands on my arm and asked, "What's wrong mommy?" His big brown eyes looking at me with concern. Before I could respond he ran off to play in the other room. I sat there wondering too, "What IS wrong with me?" Then it hit me...

Ryan is having surgery tomorrow morning. It is actually not THAT big of a deal. It is out patient. The surgery itself takes about an hour. We know several others who have had this same surgery and have all been fine. But the thought of my baby boy having to be put under makes me feel a little scared and just upset. I realized that most of my emotion from the not so unusual chaos, stemmed from the feelings I have about Ryan's procedure. The stress of his impending surgery had caught up with me. I was letting fear and anxiety creep in and affect how I responded to every situation from that morning

Later in the afternoon I was able to squeeze in 5 minutes of quiet (which wasn't really quiet, HA :) ) time. I read this,

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber...
Psalm 121:1-3

That was just wanted my spirit needed. The reminder that my help comes from the Lord. I need to keep my eyes on Him. He is my maker. He loves me. He will not let me slip. He watches over me and never for a second am I out of His eyesight. It is amazing how dwelling on that passage of scripture helped me to overcome my anxiety. It is hard to explain but it had felt like there has something pressing on me making it hard to breath. As I talked to the Lord He removed that feeling, showing me that He is in control. All my struggles from the day just unfolded. He helps me to be the mom that He wants me to be. He helps me to control my temper and to love. He helps me to lay my anxiety at His feet...He is my help!

If you think of it please be in prayer for us in the morning. Ryan will be in surgery at 10:00 am (central time). My dad is here for the weekend to help out, which is such a blessing. We are going to be laying low this weekend.

His Word

I am having trouble finding a quiet space to be with the Lord. This morning as I was praying and going about my daily duties, the Lord brought this passage of scripture to mind. I have been thinking and meditating on it. I LOVE it! He has filled my heart with joy! God is good to give me the Word that I needed at that moment.

Shout joyfully to the LORD, all the earth.
Serve the LORD with gladness;
Come before Him with joyful singing.
Know that the LORD Himself is God;
It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
Enter His gates with thanksgiving
And His courts with praise
Give thanks to Him, bless His name.
For the LORD is good;
His lovingkindness is everlasting
And His faithfulness to all generations.
Psalm 100

These are some of my thoughts after reading:
~See serving the Lord (by serving my family) as a pleasure, a joy, a delight
~make a joyful noise (I'm pretty sure yelling at my kids is not a joyful noise :) )
~Set aside pride
~He is in control not me
~I am His
~Let my Words speak of His goodness
~Give thanks for His lovingkindness and His faithfulness that is for everyone for all times

Run

Let your eyes look directly ahead
And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.
Watch the path of your feet
And all your ways will be established.
Do not turn to the right nor to the left;
Turn your foot from evil.
Proverbs 4:25-27

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, author and perfecter of faith...
Hebrews 12:1-2

I'm back

I am enjoying the moments I have found with my Savior, which isn't as much as I would like, but still so refreshing. He is doing a lot right now in my heart and in our lives. I cannot share everything at this moment, we are waiting until a few things are official. But know that things are good, because God is good and faithful to prove Himself so.

I want to share a few scriptures:

Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God...

Psalm 4:4...search your hearts and be silent.

I have trying to listen for God's voice in the silence. I enjoy this Nooma video, and hope you will be encouraged by it.

By the way, the video goes black for a few seconds after the intro...it is then followed by words that are flashed across the screen, just so you know and aren't wondering what's wrong with the video. That's just that way it's supposed to be.

Thinking outside myself

I had arranged to meet another mom from church at the park last Wednesday for a play date. We had this planned for a few days. I don't know her very well, and Anna has been asking me to get together because she wanted to play with her daughter. It's always a little awkward getting to know someone better (at least for me) and it just happened that we got the call about Bill not getting the job a few hours before the play date. I didn't feel like going anywhere or being with anyone other then my husband, especially someone I didn't know very well. I considered calling to cancel. But, I knew I couldn't because the kiddos would be so disappointed, and something in my gut told me that I should go.

We got to the park on time (how did that happen?) and our new friends were not there. I wondered if I was at the wrong place. Within a few minutes they showed up. She apologized several times (hey, I'm not judging...I am usually late), and then explained why she had been late. She had gotten some unexpected news that was very upsetting. The kind of news that changes your life...and not in a good way. She told me that she was going to call and cancel with me, but then decided that she should still come. We spent the next hour and a half getting to know each a little better. It turned out to be a good thing for me. It got me out of the house, when I was tempted to sit around and feel sad. It got my mind off of me.

It also got me thinking. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own hurts and disappointments, or just my daily life, that I forget to look around at others. I need to think outside myself, and pray for opportunities to be an encouragement. I don't know that I was much of an encouragement to this other mom, but I listened, I told her I was sorry for what she was going through and offered to pray for her. At the moment I didn't have any words of advice...and I don't think she needed that from me. I think she just needed someone to spill her heart too. I know God had a reason for us to meet there that afternoon, and if nothing else it was to teach me. God showed me that sometimes I need to set aside my own pain to listen to someone else.

God has called us to love one another and to bear each another's burdens.

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Gal 6:2

"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves." Rom 12:10

Above myself...hmmm...I wonder how many times I have overlooked anothers hurts because I couldn't get my mind off of me?

I think I'll chew on this lesson for awhile.

Satisfied

Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men!

For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.
Psalm 107:8-9

Tonight I am trying to dwell on God's Word. My heart has been anxious. He has been tugging at my heart and beckoning me to lay at His feet. Praise Him that He satisfies my soul. Thank you God for the reminder that You alone are all I need. You provide for everything physical and spiritual. Thank you for filling me with good things! Thank You God that You are good all the time, no matter what!

O give thanks unto the LORD, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever. Let the redeemed of the LORD say so... Ps. 107:1-2

Deep roots

"May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love really is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God." Ephesians 3:17-19

I love this scripture. I love the picture that it paints. I am trying to wrap my mind around it today. The God of the universe loves me more then I can even fathom. I want to be "filled with the fullness of life". I want to fill my mind with Scripture and dwell on His truth...that is what I am choosing to do today!

Beautiful Feet

How beautiful on the mountains
are the feet of those who bring good news,
who proclaim peace,
who bring good tidings,
who proclaim salvation,
who say to Zion,
"Your God reigns!"
Is. 52:7

Encouraging thoughts

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lam 3:22-23

I needed to read this (Beth Moore's blog) today. God is good even when I'm having a hard day!

Cravings

I am totally craving something right now...but not what you probably think. It's not the kind of cravings I had when I was pregnant...not the food type. I am craving my BED!! Having a newborn and not getting as much sleep as my body would like makes me crave my bed...literally. I can feel it, it's like an ache...my body longs to curl up and go to sleep! :) My bed has never been so comfy as it is now (even though our mattress has got to be over 20 years old and desperately needs to be replaced.) When I do finally get to lay down, sleep is sweet and comes fast. I think I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. Psalm 127:2 says, "...for he grants sleep to those he loves." I really feel that is true for me right now!

I am not complaining. I just think it's kinda funny how much I think about my bed these days. :) Claire actually does pretty good at night. For example, if I feed her at 11:00 p.m. She doesn't usually wake until 3 or 4 a.m. So, I can get about 3 hours of sleep. And then I spend an hour feeding her in the mid morning hours and go back to sleep for maybe another 2 hours. So, on average I get about 5 hours of sleep a night. I think that's pretty good for having a newborn. Although, I would LOVE to get 8 straight hours of sleep...I will take what I can get right now.

I really think it is God's grace that I get such deep sleep when I do lay down. I feel a little more refreshed then I normally would after only getting 5 hours of sleep. God is good because He gives me the strength I need to take care of my little ones during the day!

Speaking of cravings, my soul has been craving time alone with the Lord. I have not had the time I desire to be in His Word. I miss it. Hopefully soon we can get into the groove of things, and find a new normal. Spending time in the Word needs to be a part of that normal. I know that I can not be the wife and mommy that the Lord wants me to be if I am not clinging to the life source. Not only is sleep essential to feeling refreshed, so is God's Word.

Even the Darkness...

"Even the Darkness Is Light to Him"

Even the darkness is light to Him

And night is as bright as the day,

So you are safe though the light grows dim

For even the darkness is light to Him

The Father above does not slumber or sleep

He wakefully watches our ways.

Then there's no reason for you to weep

For the Father above does not slumber or sleep.

So dry your eyes of angel blue

And trust the one who died for you.

Would not Jesus safely keep

The little ones He loves asleep?

by Michael Card taken from Psalm. 139

This is one of my favorite lullabies. I think it is a good reminder that we can entrust our children to Him at all times. I remember those first days with a newborn are always hard to leave them "alone" especially at night. You want to be there to hear every sound and make sure that they are still breathing. It is comforting that we have a Heavenly Father who loves them even more then we do and that "...he who watches over you will not slumber." (Psalm 121:3) So I can close my eyes knowing that God who is light watches over my family even in the darkest of nights.

Refreshed

The other day was just a hard day. We all have days like that I'm sure. I'm still feeling emotional about some stuff, but it has been better. I was able to spend 1 hour and 20 minutes of uninterrupted time with the Lord, after I wrote that last post. That in and of itself is a miracle for having been in the middle of the day. James slept for 3+ hours and Anna and Ryan played quietly in their room so I could spend the time I needed with my Savior.

In my quite time I have been studying 1 Peter, and also reading through the Psalms. I prayed that the Lord would open my eyes during my reading, and help me to understand His word. This is part of Psalm 68 that I read during my quite time the other day.

3But let the righteous be glad; let them exult before God;
Yes, let them rejoice with gladness.

4Sing to God,sing praises to His name;
Lift up a song for Him who rides through the deserts,
Whose name is the LORD, and exult before Him.

5A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows,
Is God in His holy habitation.

6God makes a home for the lonely;
He leads out the prisoners into prosperity,
Only the rebellious dwell in a parched land.

7O God, when You went forth before Your people,
When You marched through the wilderness, Selah.

8The earth quaked;
The heavens also dropped rain at the presence of God;
Sinai itself quaked at the presence of God, the God of Israel.

9You shed abroad a plentiful rain, O God;
You confirmed Your inheritance when it was parched.

18You have ascended on high, You have led captive Your captives;
You have received gifts among men,
Even among the rebellious also, that the LORD God may dwell there.

19Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden,
The God who is our salvation. Selah.

20God is to us a God of deliverances;
And to GOD the Lord belong escapes from death....

32Sing to God, O kingdoms of the earth,
Sing praises to the Lord, Selah.

33To Him who rides upon the highest heavens, which are from ancient times;
Behold, He speaks forth with His voice, a mighty voice.

34Ascribe strength to God;
His majesty is over Israel
And His strength is in the skies.

35O God, You are awesome from Your sanctuary
The God of Israel Himself gives strength and power to the people
Blessed be God!

I read all this and just sat in awe at the goodness of God. He reminded me of His character and His love for those who belong to Him. He DAILY bears my burdens. He provides rain when I am spiritually dry. He restores my soul and gives me strength. What an awesome God He is! He is my all in all, and my heart can rejoice because of that.

Thank you dear friends for your much needed prayers. I have been so blessed by your comments and e-mails. My heart overflows with how God uses His body to be an encouragement.

Choosing joy

You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever. Psalm 16:11

I sat in the driveway, not ready to get out of the car. My eyes closed, spilling brimming tears down my face. So many emotions pulsing through my mind. A battle raged within, leaving me no choice but to fall at the Father's feet. My eyes had been opened to see, and now a choice must be made...a choice that my flesh wanted to give into...or the choice that would bring peace. I prayed silently for the strength to obey, and for once to be able to bite my tongue.

I don't know how many times a scene like this has played out before me. Whether it was feeling angry with my husband or with my children...or feeling hurt or frustrated or unappreciated. This particular instance I was upset with Bill, and it was nothing big. I was just frustrated with him for what I felt was his failure to meet my expectations. That morning I had been studying scripture and it had just hit me about the choice I have when in a situation. I can choose to give in to my (usually selfish) emotions, or I can choose to surrender to the Holy Spirit. I decided at that moment that I needed to surrender...to lay my anger and disappointment and the Lord's feet, and just let things go. I needed to choose to have joy. The next thing that happened was amazing...I felt such peace. And, when I talked to Bill we discovered that we had just miss-understood each other, and we both apologized.

I am learning more and more in my time in the Word that having joy is a choice. In order to have joy I have to make a choice, one of surrendering my emotions, what I think is right...taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10:5). I can choose to have the joy of the Lord fill me. To set my mind on things above. To choose to set aside selfish desires and serve my family with joy. It is also so easy for me to get caught up in serving that I forget to choose joy. I can fail to see what a pleasure it is to raise my little ones....what a delight it is to love my husband. God is so good to give me grace, and to faithfully remind me. Amidst the chaos I can, and HAVE to choose joy. And oh, the peace that follows!"

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Phil 4:8 My mind needs to dwell on truth! It is hard to choose joy if my mind is in the wrong place.

These are the thoughts that have been running through my mind:

Set your minds on things above. (Col 3:2)

Pick up your cross (Matthew 16:24)

Lay down your life for a friend. (John 15:13)

Sacrifice

love

obedience

joy

Peace (Isaiah 26:3)

Quite a list, I think! It can feel overwhelming at times....and impossible. I guess that's because, apart from Christ I can do nothing. (John 15:5) I cannot even say that "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit. (1 Cor. 12:3) To have joy is a choice...but I must take that one step further. In order for me to have joy, I must first of all choose death.

"The chance to die, to be crucified with Christ, was not a morbid thing, but the very gateway to life."--Elisabeth Elliot Wow...wrap your mind around that statement if you will...It seems so contrary to our natural thinking. The gateway to life is death.

John 12:24 says, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." There is no fruit, there is no life unless death occurs. "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." Gal 2:20 I need to realize my position. I died with Christ....but I have also been raised up with Him. I am a new creation. He empowers me with the ability to choose to do the right thing.

There are so many thoughts in my mind...and I don't know if they will make sense to anyone other then me. :) My desire is to live a life full of joy...I feel as though my heart has been opened to see what a wonderful process that is. I know it is not always an easy decision to make, but the peace that ensues is so rewarding.


So, tonight I am choosing the path of joy!

Naming Rights

Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. Gen. 2:19

The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man." Gen 2:23

The kids and I have been reading through Genesis. The other day the details of the creation account just struck me in a different light. God gave naming rights to Adam, it says clearly in Gen, 2:19. God told Adam to name all the animals, and whatever name Adam gave them, that was what they were to be called. He was also given the right to name Eve. God very well could have done all that Himself, but instead He choose to let Adam be a part in this aspect of creation. Interesting...

Now that we know what we are having, the search for a name begins. I have been praying for this little one since we found out that she would be joining our family. We knew that this baby was a gift, a promise of the Lord's provision. I have been praying that the Lord would impress upon us what this baby's name should be. Something full of meaning, something that will show the goodness of God and His love for us during a trying time. I want, when people hear and know what the name means, that they will not be able to help thinking about the faithfulness of God. I feel like the name is like an offering. He is giving us this child, and I want to give her a name that will reflect Him and bring glory to Him.

Naming our children has always been special. Each of our children's names have meaning to us. They each fit their names perfectly. I think it hit me more as we were going though Genesis, what a gift the Lord has given us in allowing us to choose. Just as Adam was given naming rights, the same is true of our children. A name is something that is so important and special, and we have been blessed with the privilege. Maybe it sounds silly, but I was just so struck by what a beautiful thing that is that God allows us to participate in. Not only do I get to participate in the miracle of a growing baby inside me, but we have the honor of naming something that rightfully belongs to God. Wow! Thinking of it that way, just makes it seem so sacred.

I don't feel stressed or pressured to find the perfect name because I know that God already knows what it is. This baby's days have been recorded even before she came to be. I know that in His timing He will make it clear to us. While we are given the right and the privilege to call our baby what we want, we are looking to Him for wisdom. I am so excited about it! Isn't it so amazing to just sit back and watch God reveal His plan? He just amazes me!

By the way, the picture taken of me above, was taken by Anna. We did some photography for art class today. She wanted to take pictures of me and the baby. I think they turned out pretty good. I am not all that fond of my picture being taken, but it was a fun project for us. I was going to post all the pictures that we worked on today, but I felt kind of funny about it. If you really want to see them, you can go here to the baby's blog.

Magnify the Lord!

I read this during my quiet time this morning. I love this verse, especially after our science lesson talking about magnifying the Lord....very timely. I love it when He does that!

Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You;
Let those who love Your salvation say continually,
"The LORD be magnified!" Psalm 40:16