Grow old with you

The frustration and emotion had been building in my heart. I felt ready to explode. This happens when things are about to change for me...life changing things. I am getting used to the idea of life constantly changing and the never ending goodbyes that come with it. That being said it just doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

It's funny because when we first moved out here to MO I didn't want to be here.  I wasn't ready to give up everything and leave it all behind. It was a process to accept that which God is calling us and surrender to Him,  and even find joy in the midst.  So, as graduation was approaching and the realization that life as we have known it the last year and a half was coming to the end, I cracked. School was about to end for Bill and I.  I was preparing to starting homeschooling again. We are entering into a new phase of what we need to do that is out of my comfort zone.  All these realizations came crashing down on me.  I felt totally overwhelmed.  I started to doubt my abilities to teach the children and to care for my home.

This was the frame of mind I was in one evening a few weeks ago. I am not really sure what started it but I blew up at Bill.  I am sure it was over something silly.  I was upset with him and said something to the effect that "I do everything around here with no help" (so NOT true).  He took it all in stride.  He did not yell back at me (like he could have) because that's the kind of man he is.

He went out to run errands that evening and was gone for quite awhile.  It was getting late so I put the kids to bed.   After tucking them in I came down to see that Bill had just gotten home.  I walked around the corner and gasped. There on my kitchen table was a very sweet bouquet of flowers. He smiled at me, "I thought you could use some encouragement." Next to the flowers was a card.  It was full of beautiful encouraging words.

I was humbled.

What an amazing man to tell me that I am beautiful and a good mom and to encourage that I can do this...even when I had been so mean and ugly to him. He could see past my ugly layers. Past the fear to the places that he knows. He gets me.

My heart melted and I fell in love even more.

I kissed him and told him how sorry I was for how I had behaved.  He understood and acted as if there was nothing to forgive.

Sigh! I am blessed.

Looking forward to the days ahead and growing old with you by my side.

I love you Bill!

They call him dad

You guide our little ones and they look up to you and follow

You cherish and find joy in them and they adore you.

Your strong hands protect, encourage, and love...and they trust and love you in return.

I am so thankful that our children have such a godly man to call daddy.

Happy Father's day Bill!

You Capture: Fun

Beth at I should be Folding Laundry Hosts "You Capture", a weekly photo challenge. Since I love a good excuse to take pictures I thought I would join in. This weeks challenge is "fun"

Tonight as I was getting Claire ready for bed she nearly jumped out of my arms to be with Daddy. She just adores Bill.

Making silly faces.

Giving Daddy kisses.

Snuggling in for a goodnight hug!

I'm not sure who had more fun, them or me. :) I just love to see Bill with our little ones. It melts my heart every time.

Happy 30th

30 things I love about you

1. Your smile

2. Your laugh

3. Your sense of humor...I love that things are so funny to you.

4. That you make me laugh

5. Your eyes

6. That you make me feel loved

7. I love that you pitch in and help around the house, even when you are tired from a long day at work

8. Your thoughtfulness and selflessness

9. That you kill all the spiders and centipedes :)

10.Your sweet heart, always offering to get what ever I need without me asking (even if it is a glass of water or tums in the middle of the night when I a pregnant)

11. that you do things "just because"

12. You make me feel secure

13. You smell good

14. That you wrestle with our boys

15. and snuggle with your girls

16. Your heart for the lost

17. Your desire to instill in our children a heart for the lost

18. Your passion for God

19. That you ARE the spiritual leader in our home

20. That you love me for who I am

21. That you always thank me after every meal and tell me how good my cooking is

22. That you work hard to provide for your family

23. But, while working hard you have your priorities right

24. You put your family first

25. You set a good example for our boys

26. And you set the bar for our daughters to find a husband someday

27. I love the way your mind works, and how you get things to work

28. That you are intentional about the way you live

29. That you share things with me about God's Word that excite you

30. That after 8 years of being married you still make my heart flutter

Happy Birthday Bill! I am so blessed to have you in my life. I praise God for you and the 30 years of life He has given you.

I love you!

A blessed wife

I just wanted to share something sweet that Bill did for me. Thursday evening, he came in the door as I was preparing dinner, and handed me a small box. I looked at him a little puzzled, "What is this?" I looked at him a little puzzled. He replied, "Open it." Inside the box was a 14 karat white gold necklace. I think I gasped. :)

"What is this for?" I said.

"It's just a small gift to show you how much I appreciate you. I know I don't say it often enough."

"It's beautiful. You didn't have to do that."

"I know but I wanted too...you deserve it. You do so much for us. You hold this whole family together."

I was so touched. Not because he gave me a gift (although I do love the necklace), but because he has a way of making me feel special. I love the thought and effort he took to pick something out for me (he picked something that was fitting to who I am and what I like, "simple and yet it sparkles in the light", that's what he said)...and the words he spoke...They were sweeter then honey.

Thank you for always loving me. For being the man that I can count on. For being there for me when I need someone to talk to or shoulder to cry on. Thank you for being my best friend. I consider it a privilege to be your wife and to serve you and our little ones. I find myself falling in love with you more with each passing day.

I am very blessed!

Full hands, Full heart

Happy Father's day Bill! You are an amazing husband and father. Our family is so blessed to have you! We love you!

Disappointment

You would think we had waited a year with how anxious I have felt. It has only been 6 days since Bill's interview. It's so hard to wait when you know the answer, whatever that answer will be, will change life. Every time the phone has rung I felt my heart leap only to be let down...oh that's not them yet.

Today the phone rang...the call came as we have been waiting for...Bill did not get the job. Bill knew in his heart by Monday that he did not get it. I however secretly held out some hope. Memories from last summer flashed through my mind when Bill told me the news. I felt my heart sink. I looked into the face of the man I loved, trying to hide my own disappointment, I said "It's ok." This wasn't the right job. We have been praying that God would give him a job that would be best for our family, and that would also bring God the most glory. I saw the discouragement cloud Bill as he explained WHY they said they didn't hire him. For the first time it wasn't the fact that he doesn't have a lot of experience, it was just they they didn't care for him. They said he wasn't enthusiastic enough. I think that hurt the most. And then seeing my husband second guess himself for answers he had given, for wondering what he could have/should have said differently. Even though I know that it wasn't the right job, it still bothers me that they didn't want to give him a chance. I know what a great man he is, hard working and dedicated...but they will never know that.

I tired to be an encouragement to him, even as I pushed back the lump in my own throat. I prayed that I wouldn't cry until he had left the room. I don't want him to think that I am disappointed in him...I am not. I am so proud of him. I am just sad tonight. I know that God has something else planned. I do wonder how long we will wait this time. How hard will things get? How many times will I have to watch Bill get rejected? How many times will I have to feel my heart break for the man I love, as he tries so hard to provide for our family. I guess there isn't much use wondering, because that will only lead me down a path of worry...and I'd rather not go there. I know my mind is already so tempted to travel that way. I can feel it trying to creep in and it sucks the breath out of me, and puts a heavy cloud of darkness on my soul.

I know that everything will be ok, but tonight I am not ok. I will be, but just not right now.

Moment captured #8

I snapped this picture this morning as Bill was heading out the door. He looks a little goofy in the pic because he was laughing at me. He had to shave the beard last night in order to start the interview process. He looks so young now. I am praying for him right now as he heads to his interview! Love you babe! You look smokin. :)

The Peace that follows

After I posted about my fears a month ago, I was totally blown away by everyone who reached out to me through comments, e-mails and phone calls. The prayers that have been prayed for us have meant so much to me. Thank you friends for loving us and taking time to care.

God is so good. Although I still don't have any idea what is going to happen with our family, and we don't know where and when God will provide a job, I have total peace at the moment. I know that this is only from God. I walked through 2 weeks of complete fear. I let it consume me. I lost hours of sleep. It overtook me and literally made me sick. I realized that it was a sin on my part to get so caught up in worrying about something that might or might not happen. I had to surrender to God and lay my burdens at his feet.

The job in AZ didn't work out. Can I say I am happy about that? :) That however doesn't mean that Bill still won't have to take a temp job away from here. We just don't know. However he does have a job interview here on Thursday. So I am praying for God's will. In my mind this job would be so great. It's a permanent placement, and it's close to home. I am trying NOT to get my hopes up...I know that this could be a long road. He may not get the first job he interviews for. I am resting in the moment and trusting that God does have a plan...and His plans are always perfect. I don't need to fear anything!

If you think of it, please pray for Bill Thursday. His interview is at 9 a.m. This is the biggest interview he has ever had. It's 5 hours long!!

And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:7

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3

Didn't see that coming

If you read this post, you might not think this incident that I am about to tell is so strange...just another day in the life of Bill.

Bill and I use Gmail chat to communicate with each other while he is at work. I have really enjoyed being able to do that. It's fun to be able to send each other random thoughts and keep each updated on what is going on throughout the day. I usually sit down by the lap top in the morning while I feed Claire and chat with Bill or other friends who happen to be on. A few days ago I received this message from Bill,

Bill- I was getting into my car this morning, when all of the sudden I felt something hit me. I looked down and saw a squirrel rolling away.

Me- What?

Bill- Yeah! A squirrel fell on me! It fell out of the tree and landed on me.

Me- Oh my word! I can't believe it! Only you Bill. :) What is up with that?

Bill- I don't know. God threw a squirrel at me.

Me- Maybe He is trying to get your attention.

Bill-LOL

Me- LOL :)

What are the chances of that happening? A squirrel slipped and hit Bill on it's way down out of the tree, just as he was about to get into the car. Seriously...only Bill! :)

The thought of this makes me laugh. I only wish I could have seen it for myself!

An evening to remember

Our date night last night was so great! After we dropped the 3 older kids off at church, to be watched by several loving families, Bill and I headed up to the bluff. We sat in the car, overlooking the lake, and reminisced while I fed Claire. We talked about our first date, first time we held hands, and other fun memories. In that moment all was right and perfect. I LOVE being with Bill. He is the one after 8 years of marriage I still day dream about. He still makes me laugh with the things he says. My heart still flutters when he looks at me! :) I will not pretend that we have a perfect marriage...we don't. We have our hard moments. But, I feel very blessed to have this man in my life. I am very much in love with my husband.

After I was done feeding Claire, we headed over to Bill's parents. They offered to watch Claire so we could go to the movies. We decided to see the movie Expelled. Not a romantic movie, actually it's a documentary, but we both really liked it. It was very interesting. I highly recommend it!

I would say we had the perfect night. It really wouldn't have mattered what we had done..any time together is great! I had Bill's mom snap a picture (of course Bill had to blink, and then the camera died so we couldn't retake it. :) ), to capture this monumental evening.

I am so thankful for the evening out. I love being together as a family, but time away as a couple was definitely needed!

Thanful

We have managed to make it this cold and flu season without really getting sick. Ryan had a bad ear infection a few weeks ago, but that has been the only sickness in our house so far...until now that is. Anna and James came down with a cold Sunday night...and now germs have been passed on to me. Ugh, I really want to rid the house of sickness before the baby is born. So we are trying to rest and drink lots of fluids. Resting is hard for me to do. I like to stay busy. I really do like to stay on top of my housework (not always accomplished, but I try).

Last night, seeing that I was worn out and sick, Bill offered to help with everything. He and the kids picked up the house, put supper away, did the dishes. Anna also folded all the towels that I had washed and she vacuumed the living room. Here I was worried about how things are going to go after baby girl comes...Bill sweetly reminded me that I have all of them to help out.

I am so thankful for the loving helpful husband I have; and for my little ones who at this point love to help around the house!

So, today I am concentrating on getting better, not worrying about what doesn't get done, and letting Bill help out where it is needed. :)

Wonderful man

Bill's new job has been going pretty good. The only thing bad I would say about it, is that he gets home pretty late. I am not complaining about this. I know many families are used to the dad not coming home until 6:30 or 7:00. This has just been an adjustment for us. Some days get really long...for all of us. Bill doesn't get as much time with the kids during the week as he used to. But, we do try to enjoy the evenings together.

One thing I LOVE about my Hubby is that he plays with our little ones. The kids all look forward to him coming home at night. After dinner he usually spends some time wrestling with them. Never was there a home so full of laughter and happy noises!!! Last night being no exception. I just sat there and enjoyed watching his time with our kids.

I am so thankful for the man God has blessed me with. For the hard worker he is, the loving husband who takes care of me, and the fun dad who always makes time to play! What a wonderful man he is!