The was sun shining and a cool breeze blowing on my face, I took it all in...Ahh, perfect! Glimpses of newness, of hope, of good things to come. Even though I knew it was only a teaser, I couldn't help but be so thankful for this fleeting time. Spring is still a little ways off in our part of the country. We still have a bit of cold winter left. But being able to soak up a few short days of fresh air was so refreshing.
As enjoyable as the weather has been lately, it also brought with it bittersweet feelings for me. The thought that spring is on the way is very exciting. But as I was driving home yesterday from an appointment I was overcome with a sense that with the change of season, there is going to come a change of life for us. One I totally did not see coming. On one hand it is not surprising because we serve a God who is full of mystery and wonder. But on the other hand I really thought that this change was something of the past. A dream, a "calling" that was long since reconciled. I know that doesn't make sense to some of you. So let me just back up a bit. I think I might just have to go all the way back to the beginning...
I grew up in a Christian home. It was a home that was far from perfect, but my parents did their best I believe. When we were young it seemed that if the church doors were open, our family was walking through them. We were very involved, and I loved it! My parents had a desire to teach us God's Word and expose us to as many godly influences as they could. I remember my parents opening up our home on many many occasion to missionaries that our church or my parents supported. It was through all these influences that I came to know the Lord. I was young when I trusted Christ as my Savior. I remember one afternoon my mom reading me a children's book about the man who had to
carry the cross for Jesus. The book covered Jesus death, burial and resurrection. We talked about the reasons why Jesus had to die on the cross. Suddenly my eyes were opened. I knew in that moment that I was a sinner and that there was nothing I could do to save myself from my sin. I needed Jesus blood to cover my sin. My sins had put him on the cross. I placed my faith in His shed blood and trusted His word that I would now be able to spend an eternity with Him.
Even though I was just a small child, I felt this passion, this urge to tell everyone the Good News. I knew that God had called me to spread His Word to a dying world. Not because I was anything special but because I was His and I had been entrusted with this gift. As I grew so did my desire to serve Him. I told the Lord that He could use me. I was willing.
After I graduated High school I decided to go to New Tribes Bible Institute in Jackson MI (how I ended up there is a long story in and of itself...I'll save that one for a rainy day :) ). Bible school was the most amazing experience I ever had. I soon realized that I knew hardly anything about God's word. My mind was blown away by the richness of what His Word contained. After my first year in Bible school, I felt led to go on a
Short Term missions Trip To Papua New Guinea with New Tribes. While there the Lord worked in my heart in a way I was not expecting...isn't that usually the case?! :) Something I wrote during that time,
Sunday August 9, 1998
I am so thankful that God has given me the opportunity to come to PNG this summer. I have learned so much, I feel like I could fill a book with everything. The funny thing is, I didn't learn what I had expected to. I guess God has a way of doing that! :)
I think when I left for PNG I expected to figure out for SURE one way or the other what God wanted me to do with my life. I wanted God to spell it out in black and white. That was a pretty silly expectation to have because God doesn't always work that way. One thing I learned right away was that I don't need to try and figure out God's will for my life. God's sovereign will is sure, and will be accomplished no matter what. We make plans but it's the Lord's purpose that Prevails (Prov 16:9). The important thing is not figuring out His will, it's my relationship with Him and my obedience to His Word. God's will is not something we need to struggle with.
While being here I know that my eyes have been opened to the obvious need around me for the Gospel. My heart hurts for the lost, I want them to have the same joy and promise of eternal life that I have. But as I take my step toward the mission field I must remember that a passion for God and obedience to Him must be my driving force, not the need. I want to have that passion for God that I see in the lives of the missionaries here. I know that must be the only thing that keeps them going.
As Paul W. spoke in church today I was again challenged with all these things that God has been showing me these past 6 weeks. One thing I realized was that this whole time I have been living to see my desires accomplished. Every time I struggle with going on the mission field it's because I am afraid to let go of the things that I want. It is impossible to do God's will when we are focused on our own desires. When I think about the fact that Jesus died, He gave up His will, everything for the sake of seeing His Father's will accomplished, I should be willing to say, "After what you did for me, there isn't anything that I wouldn't do for you."
Luke 9:23-24 ..."If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it."
Die to self and my desires, and follow Him. Even if it means going on the foreign mission field [alone], I will go.
~Elizabeth at age 19
One thing that I was struggling with (that I didn't spell out in the journal) was my desire to be married and raise a family. I wanted so much to find a godly man and to serve with him. But over the course of time, the Lord revealed to me that He wanted me to give up those desires, to lay them at His feet. And so I did. Those 6 weeks, the Lord whispered to the depths of my soul to follow Him, stop worrying about the future. I had never pictured myself serving overseas while single, but I knew that if that was what God wanted, I would do it.
I just love how God works. After my trip to PNG I went back for my last year at Bible school. This is when
I met and fell in love with Bill (who came in as a freshmen that year). We formed a friendship which eventually (2 years later) lead to marriage. As we stood before God and many witnesses to pledge our love and commitment to one another, we proclaimed our desire to go to the ends of the earth to peach the Gospel. Things seemed to finally come full circle for me. I stood amazed at God's goodness. He had blessed me with a husband, and now it seemed that we would be serving the Lord together on the mission field, where both of our hearts were burdened for.
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Well, as most of you know we didn't go, as I sit here typing this in my little house in the big woods...not from the ends of the earth. :) So what happened? And what does this have to do with the change that is coming soon? You are just going to have to stick around for the rest of the story. :)
To be continued...
Yep that's right, it shattered all over the place.
Ug! I can't believe I did that. Not only did I bust my Pyrex dish, but I ruined a whole pan of chicken. I had to toss and start over...meaning an extra 40 minutes until dinner time. In the process I burned my fingers on the hot dish and cut my hand on a glass sliver. And to add more drama to it all, I managed to burn the chicken (the first pan that was still in the oven). I wasn't sure whether to laugh of cry. :) 
Bill was so sweet when he came home and I burst out that I had ruined this special dinner. He ate it anyway, and said it still tasted wonderful and not to worry about it. :) What a good man.
