"Ice cream" on the mind

Sometimes in midst of it, in the throws of motherhood the Lord speaks ever so gently...so soft that if I don't stop for a minute I might just miss what He is trying to say...

At one point last week I sat down with Anna and had a long heart to heart. She had been giving me such a hard time all day...all week for that matter. It seemed that no matter what I said or how I disciplined her she hardened her heart towards me and became more stubborn. I finally reached my breaking point and sat down on the floor next to her. As I began to pour my heart out to her my tears began to flow. I explained that I didn't understand her actions and that it broke my heart to see her in such disobedience. I told her how much I loved her and that I truly don't enjoy having to discipline her. I also admitted that I make mistakes too, we all do, but I have to answer to God when I am disobedient to Him...just as she has to answer to me. I talked for a few more minutes, she sat directly in front of me, head down seeming to be full of sorrow for her actions. When I was done speaking, I placed my hand lovingly on hers and said, "Tell me what you are thinking. What is going through your mind." She looked up at me with sad eyes and replied,

"Ice cream!"

I sat there stunned for a second. That was NOT the response I was envisioning from her. I have to admit I was a little bit disappointed that she apparently did not even see my heart or understand anything I said. The tears I shed were genuine (and if you know me, you know I don't cry all that often), they were not shed to make her feel guilty, but I did feel that they had now been shed in vain. I gave her a hug and reminded her of my love and told her she could go back to what I had called her from. A sigh escaped my lips as she left the room. Now what?...

And then He whispered.... "Don't you see the comparison?"

Um, what? No! Comparison of what? She was only thinking of ice cream the whole time I was talking and trying to show her the right way to go. She is only full of her own thoughts and has no regard for my words. I just want to love her and have a right relationship with her, but we can't because she insists on thinking only of herself and doing things her way. I want to give her the desires of her heart. I want her to be happy. But her thoughts need to me in line with mine!" Suddenly my thoughts trailed as I realized what He was trying to show me.

How many times has the Lord tried to show me the way He wants me to go or to speak to my heart, only for me to miss the point because I was too full of my own thoughts or ideas. How often has my mind been on my own desires, and not had the mind of Christ? It really gave me much to ponder. I found myself relating more and more to the situation. I am pretty sure that I have had "ice cream" on the brain too.

The Last few months the Lord has been working on my heart. I had in mind the way I thought my life was going to go. I was excited about some things that the Lord had brought into my life...good things that I thought were from Him. But, life took an unexpected (isn't that always the case?) WAY different turn. I have sort of struggled to understand why it appeared God was directing me one way and now has changed it (obviously I have issues with change! :) ). Proverbs 16:9 says, "The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." It is so amazing to me how true this is! I have seen this over and over in my life, and yet here I am learning it all over again as if for the first time.

In these hard motherhood moments, I am thankful that the Lord reaches out to teach me. And I am thinking that maybe just maybe this time, this lesson was meant for me more so then for my daughter.