Various and Sundry...Ryan

I am taking a break from all the doom and gloom on my blog. Thought I'd share a few random things that I found amusing.

A few nights ago after our bedtime prayers with the kids we started taking about how you get to Heaven. And we talked about what happens if you don't place your faith in Christ. We talked about the Lake of fire (first time we talked about this with Ryan a while back, he said he wanted to go there to see the fireworks!) and how it is not a place you want to go. Ryan said, "Yeah, I can go there with Luigi (you know Mario and Luigi? From Nintendo.) he can swim in the water."

"Ryan there is no water in the lake of fire. It is a very scary place."

Ryan looked very thoughtful for a moment then said, "Well, I can fly out."

"Oh no you can't do that Ryan."

His response was, "Well, Jesus can make me into a unicorn."

At that point Bill and I realized that Ryan has no grasp on reality! We were trying so hard not to laugh. Not because he didn't understand, but simply because he is so childlike. Everything is a video game or movie to him. :) He is a very sweet and VERY imaginative child.

I asked him the other day what He wanted to be when he grows up..."Spider Man."

I guess we'll see how that works out! :)

This is just a random assortment of toys that Ryan was playing with one day....several of which belong to his sister. Notice the Star Wars. There always has to be a Star Wars guy among the group! :)

the past 5 days..

This was been sort of a strange week so far. Actually it started on Thursday. We had a bad storm that evening. It was one of those storms that felt really close. There was a lot of lightning. It was still going pretty strong when we put the kiddos to bed, but it wasn't bad enough that we needed to go to the basement. Anyway, Bill and I came downstairs. I went over to the stove to do something (I don't remember what that was right now). As soon as I stepped over to it, there was a bright flash outside....the noise was SOOOO loud! The smoke detector went off. I knew what had happened...the house had been struck! Then I noticed smoke coming out of the vent fan on the stove. I screamed, the Kids were all screaming. I went and got all of them and brought them into the living room to comfort them, and Bill went to investigate. Thankfully the house was NOT on fire, it had burned out the light on the stove and cause d the smoke. We still had our power, but we did loose our main computer. The one where I have ALL of our pictures stored. :( I am praying that we can at least retrieve all the files. I would be very sad to loose all of our pictures. Wish I could say I had a back up...but I do not...lesson learned.

We went to a birthday party Friday evening. On the way to the party our car stalled out several times so we had to turn around and go home and grab the other car. Bill said we probably shouldn't drive it until he had a chance to fix it.

Ok, so while we were at the party I got several phone calls from my family. My sister , my brother and my mom had all called. (Since the party was outside I didn't hear my phone) I KNEW something was wrong when I checked my phone on the way home. They never all call on the same night unless something is up. Turns out it was about my mom's husband...he had gone home to be with the Lord. He died on Wednesday night, but she didn't get around to calling us until Friday night. I was on the phone with my mom for 2 hours. She is a mess, understandably. I mostly just listened, I didn't know what to say. Mom had known for a long time that Joe was going to die, but I don't think knowing that can ever prepare you for the loss of someone you love. There is more to this story, and I will blog about it another time. I don't want to seem like I am making light of it...it will just take too much thought to go into right now.

Most of the weekend was pretty uneventful. Although, on Sunday Bill had a conversation with his parents that we were not expecting to have yet. But it turned out for the best. (I will expound more on that later too).

Monday our credit card number was stolen...so we had to cancel our cards. What a pain! I had planned on going to the grocery store, and I needed to order all of our school books for Anna online on Monday. That will have to wait until later in the week. I am thankful that our bank notified us that someone had stolen the number before more damage could be done.

Ok, and the latest thing that happened, this morning I get a call from New Mexico (which is where my mom is). My mom is in the hospital, her kidneys are shutting down and we have been advised that we need to get down there as soon as possible. (She went into the ER late last night). Except, that's not even possible right now. My sister is having surgery on Thursday, my brother can't get more time off work, and Bill and I...well...if you have been following my blog you know why that would be difficult for us. I have no idea how that is going to work out. My mom's husband's funeral is today and doesn't look like she is going to be able to make it to that.

The funny thing about all of this is...I feel peace. I do feel a little overwhelmed, but I feel like all these things that have happened are totally out of my control. I know that God will work something out. We serve a God who can calm any storm!

I wonder what tomorrow is going to hold?...

My prayer

When we put the kids to bed at night we always sit around on the floor and pray together...even James now. He has learned to sit quiet with his hands folded while we each take a turn praying. Ryan is always the last to pray.

One particular night not too long ago, after Ryan had said, "Amen." He looked up at exclaimed,

"I don't love Jesus."

Inwardly I cringed but responded calmly, "Oh really Ryan? Mommy and Daddy love Jesus very much. That's why we talk to Him and read the Bible."

"Why don't you love Jesus?" Bill questioned.

"Because I don't know Him." Ryan said matter of factly.

Now, this isn't because Bill and I haven't talked to our little ones about God and Jesus. We talk all the time. We read stories, sing songs, pray...God is the biggest part of our lives. It's just that Ryan has not come to the point in his young life where he understands. He is so right...he does not love Jesus because he does not know Him.

My only desire is that my children would come to know Christ and love Him. I love Him so much! I want my kids to know the peace and joy that comes from having a personal relationship with the King of Kings. And I want my children to be able to spend an eternity in the presence of their Redeemer.

Oh Father, I just pray for each of my little ones, that they would come to know You. That they would see their need for a Savior and come to a saving knowledge of Christ. Help them to see that they can be saved by Your grace, and nothing from ourselves. I pray that you would give them each a desire to serve You. Please burden them with the Gospel message. I pray for mailable, obedient hearts towards You. I entrust them to You Father, they are Yours to use. I pray that my children would bring glory to Your name.

Our little Curious Geroge

You wonder what goes through their little minds sometimes. "Hmmm looks good, I think I'll try some sand." I think he put his hand in his mouth at least 3 times. :) Silly boy! James definitely loves the outdoors and doesn't mind getting a little dirty.

And so it begins...

Reality is setting in. Friday was Bill's last day at work. By the end of the day I had sort of an, "oh no what do we do?" moment. It just hit me that this is it...this is where things could get difficult. I would be lying if I didn't admit that I don't have moments of fear....I do. I have moments of panic. My emotions are sometimes up and sometimes down. Thankfully God is the same yesterday, today and forever. He will never change...so I will not rely on my feelings, which often seem to be carried by the wind.

Right now I am experiencing a peace like no other time before. I am a worrier by nature (my sin nature that is)...so it is only by the Grace of God that I am not consumed by my own thoughts. When I start to feel overwhelmed by thoughts of how things are going to change, I have to take a step back, glance upward and decide to dwell in in the Truth. I praise God for everything He has blessed us with...and I know by His Word, and His track record to our family that He will provide.

Tomorrow begins a new chapter in our family. We were all looking forward to the day Bill graduated from Collage and we could move on...he would get a job and things would be ok. You would think that by now I would have learned to NEVER put my hope in earthy things...like an education. :) It would have been far too easy, and maybe we would have overlooked God's hand in it all if things had gone according to "our" plan. No matter what happens to our family, God WILL get all the glory. I am so thankful He is the one in control...I can rest in that.

I want to share 2 quotes that I read on another blog tonight. Heather is a child of God who has been through so much heartache in her lifetime. Right now she is in the process of fighting cancer. Every time I go to her website I walk away amazed. Amazed at the awesome power of God and amazed at how Heather has clung to the Lord through it all. She is wonderful testimony and I come away refreshed every time. I do not know her personally, and what I am experiencing is so much less...so much less that I cannot even compare it...actually I don't want to belittle the work of God in my life...I am not going to make excuses for it anymore...it is what it is...this is a trial for our family...I think I need to stop feeling bad calling it that...it is the refining work of God in our lives. Anyway, I want to share something Heather quoted that really touched me.

"God is neither whimsical nor random in His involvement in the lives of His people. He provides, at just the right time, the right circumstances and people to make certain His plans are accomplished."

Wow! That was so what I needed to read right now. I think key word for me, "His plan". His plan will be accomplished....it will be perfect.

She also went on to quote,

"But we are not powerless. From the beginning of the world, God designated naming rights to human beings. You too have naming power: the ability to speak into a situation to call forth life from that place. You have the power to refuse to be an Eeyore, who famously said “Tut tut, it looks like rain.” You have the power to refuse any doomsday-prophet syndromes. You can refuse the darkness and look for the pinprick of light, look for the good in a bad situation, choose to see God’s hand in rock hard times instead of turning your back on Him."

I have been praying that God would help me to be positive...to be a good testimony...I needed to read this. I have the choice to dwell on the truth. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength...the strength to be positive only comes from relaying on Him. When I saturate my life in the Word and surrender to the truths contained inside, I will not dwell on the negative. I want to always walk in Truth. I want my cup to be full of Him and running over unto everything in my life

Oh God You are so faithful! Thank you for giving me what I needed at the moment I needed it. I do not doubt Your love. I pray that my faith would grow stronger. Thank You for opening my eyes to see just how much I need You. I need thee every hour, my precious Savior. My soul clings to You. You are my Rock and my Sustainer. I pray that I would be content in You only. Oh Lord, I also pray that You would help me not to be so focused on myself and my circumstances, that I would miss out on opportunities to show Your love to others. I pray that my eyes would be fixed on you...surrendered to Your will...so that I can be used for Your glory.

Higher

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

I have known since I was young that God's ways are so different then my own...

When I was ten years old, the Lord decided to take my Best friend's dad home to be with Him. I loved her dad. He was such a sweet and funny man. Every time I would go over to her house her dad always had something to say that made you smile. He loved the Lord and loved his family very much. He was a friend to many. Everyone in our church loved him. Our parents were good friends and had several Bible studies together. We were close with their family.

I don't remember all the details because I was a child..and I'm sure I don't know all of them anyway. They found out too late that he had Hodgkin's disease. He was misdiagnosed with something else. By the time they realized what he had, it was too late. In our minds this should never have happened. It seemed so unfair.

Throughout the whole process, he clung to the Lord. I never heard from anyone of his complaining. He fought his illness until he took his last breath...he fought for his family...but he seemed surrendered to the Lord's plan.

He was not my father, and I can't imaging the grief his family went through, but I had my own grief. I had been so convinced in my young mind that God would reach down and heal him. It just seemed inconceivable that he would die. Yes, he did receive his healing, but not in the way I had been hoping and praying for.

That is just one of many life experiences that God has used in my life to show me that His ways are higher then mine. It was so painful to go through, and at such a young age. But, God has been so faithful to teach me, using every painful experience for His glory...

Yesterday, we got the news...Bill did not get the job we had been praying for. I am sad like I said I would be...but I do not feel hopeless. It is very painful for me to see Bill come so close, so close I could almost taste it, and then get turned down. Bill had moved on before the letter had even arrived. He knew in his gut that it was not to be.

I could sit here and say, "God this is so not fair. It seems like it was dangled in front of our faces only to be pulled away." Maybe it feels that way...but that is not the truth. I am choosing to dwell on the truth. "Just as you'll never understand the mystery of life forming in a pregnant woman, So you'll never understand the mystery at work in all that God does." (Ecc 11:5 from The Message) I cannot possibly understand God's mind...it is beyond me. I trust in Him though....He knows what He is doing.

It would be a very scary feeling to not be in control, especially when it comes to money, if we did not have faith that the Lord is in control and has a plan. Ecc 7:13 says, "Consider the work of God, For who is able to straighten what He has bent?" It seems like an impossible circumstance. Bill has gotten turned down over and over. It doesn't make sense. God, and only God is able to "fix" this situation. And, I know that "fix" will probably not be what I think. "Man's steps are ordained by the LORD, How then can man understand his way?" (Prov. 20:24) I don't understand, but I trust my savior.

I have this song on my mp3 player right now. I love the words.

Praise you in this storm (Casting Crowns)
I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

I feel kind of guilty calling what we are going though right now a "storm". Maybe it doesn't sound "storm" worthy. It seems so small compared to other things. I have friends that have seen more struggle, or more hardship than I have in my lifetime. But, this is what we are going though...it is painful for us. We are very thankful for everything God has blessed us with. Please do not misunderstand and think I am complaining.

This is my hearts cry...to praise Him no matter what, because God is good! I want to be content no matter what, because God is good. To wait upon the Lord for His plan, Because God is good. I give Him all my praise because He is worthy!

Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD. Psalm 27:14

I am waiting, and finding hope and courage in the process...God is good!

In the darkness

Today it's cloudy. The lights flickered a little. Fear threatened to set in. It's still raining. I still see dark clouds overhead...can't quite make out the light....I know it's still there...

I was driving home the other day, going over everything in my mind again. Thinking and wondering if we made the right decision for Bill to go back to school. Wondering if we made the right decision in turning down the job in TN. God seemed to be so silent...we weren't seeing any fruit or any good come out of Bill's years of schooling. Did we do something wrong? Maybe we should have tried harder and pursued missions more? The questions and self doubt kept coming.

"God all we have asked for is for You to use us. We want what You want for us. We just aren't sure what that is right now." I sat there and poured out my heart to the Lord...all my fears, concerns, and doubts.

Quietly, I heard the answer to my hearts cry,

"Never doubt in the dark what I have shown you in the Light." My mind stopped. "what?"
"Never doubt in the dark what I have shown you in the light." Came the soft reproach again.


Wow! This tunnel has seemed so long and so dark. It's so easy to have doubts when it doesn't feel like anything is happening. When I start questioning the decisions that have taken place, is that really saying that I don't trust God?. Am I doubting Him? I hadn't thought about it that way. So, I gave it all back to Him. Gave up all my hopes and dreams...."whatever it is You want from us God I want to accept. Help me to be content with whatever You decide. Our lives belong to You to use as you please. Who am I to question any of it? Thank you God for Your grace. Thank you that you love us even more than I can imagine. I know You want is best and what will bring You the most glory."

This whole job thing has been such a roller coaster lately. Bill found out on Friday that he has one week left at his current job. We knew that would be coming soon...but it was still like, "oh wow." We are supposed to find out either today of tomorrow about the job Bill interviewed for here in Port Washington. Every time the phone rang today my heart jumped..they never called though. That doesn't bother me...there is always tomorrow. But, Bill has decided that they gave the job to "Goliath"...decided not out of defeat, but in his mind resolution. He feels strongly that he did not get the job. I think he needs to move on...to do the "next" thing (whatever that is). He has asked me to, "let go". So out of respect and love to him...I have let go. I will be sad if this job does not work out but, I will not loose hope.

Throughout all this. The Lord has reminded me of a verse in Proverbs."Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." (13:12) In other words, I need to be careful where I place my hope. If I place all my hopes on a mere job, chances are my heart is going to be hurt...crushed even. If my hope is in the Lord there will be peace. I was reading in Philippians...a familiar passage to many I'm sure, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I looked down in the study notes (MacArthur). "Inner calm and tranquility is promised to the believer who has a thankful attitude based on unwavering confidence that God is able and willing to do what is best for his children." Also MacArthur goes on to say, "[the word] 'guard' is a military term meaning, 'to keep watch over'. God's peace guards believers from fear, anxiety, doubt, fear and distress." His peace guards my heart against doubt?!...

"The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, Because he trusts in You." Isa 26:3

I NEED to be dwelling in his Word. I find true peace there. His Word is a light in my darkened room. "For You light my lamp; The LORD my God illumines my darkness." Psalm 18:28 I need to be constantly in His word...so when I feel the clouds begin to form overhead...I have something to sustain me when the darkness sets in. I am to dwell on the things that are true (Phil. 4:8)

I know that in every situation God delights in getting all the glory. He alone deserves it. I think He likes to step in a the last minute and save the day. He wants to be the Hero...just as He is our Lamb, our savior, redeemer from sin, I think He delights in "saving" us from our circumstances. I am not sure of how that will play itself out...but I am confident that the Lord will provide. He always has, always will. He has been so faithful to our family. God's plans, God's ways are so much high than my own. In my mind I have made a plan. I see what I think would be best for us (the job in Port). It could be that that is what the Lord has planed for us....but it very well could not be. The only thing I know is of His faithfulness...I want our family to be a testimony of that. I want to bring glory to my King.


Today it was cloudy. The lights flickered a little. Fear threatened to set in. It's still raining. I still see dark clouds overhead...A crack...Light is beginning to break through into the dawn...

Tomorrow is a new day!

Independence Day

Happy 4th of July!

Hope you all had a great day! Ryan and our friend Ella at the Parade today

Our Trip and job updates

Now for the details...

It was a long trip which started out at 3 a.m. Saturday morning! Bill and I got to bed late because we were trying to get stuff done around the house before we left. So we were both going on about 3 hours sleep...definitely not enough! :)

At about 2 hours into the trip we had a small argument. I was like, "great, maybe this was a bad idea for me to come. I was looking forward to time alone and all we are doing is fighting and stressing." But, the disagreement was quickly ended and all was good. We enjoyed the rest of our drive together.

It took about 10 1/2 hours to get to Memphis. We checked into the hotel, slept for and hour, and then Bill got ready for his interview. Bil left the hotel and I sat down to blog, pray and read my Bible. He was gone for 3 hours!! The interview went really well. The guy showed him around the office and told him more about the company and what Bill's job would be, if they gave it to him. They told him that they were going to give him an offer letter on Monday. Bill came away from the meeting encouraged, and had a good feeling about it.

Bill and I had a gift certificate that some friends had given us like 2 years ago. It just so happened that that restaurant was 2 miles from our hotel, so we went out for dinner Sat. night. We enjoyed a nice meal together. We ate way to much and could barely walk when we left...just thinking about it now makes me hungry! :)
Bill and I only got out to eat maybe once or twice a year...so this was a special treat...a blessing from God.

Of course the hotel had cable, so Bill was excited to get to watch "Myth Busters".

I had the best night sleep ever. THAT was a blessing. No kids to wake me up at 3 am...nothing. Just a comfy king size, pillow top bed...it was like Heaven on earth! I could have slept all day, and honestly I think we would have if we hadn't had to get up and go back home Sunday morning.

All in all it was a great trip. Bill and I got to spend much needed quality couple time. And if nothing else, that is what this trip was for. I really felt refreshed coming home (sounds funny to say after spending 10 hours in a car...but it's true.)

Ok, so Monday morning Bill got the offer letter from the Job there. We were both disappointed at the salary. We had discussed how much we thought we would need to "make it"...and the amount they offered was under that. We aren't looking for wealth we just want to be able to live. So, Bill wrote back and asked if there was room for negotiation. They wrote back and asked what he had in mind. Bill wrote back again and told them. The guy responded that the amount he was asking for was too high...so...as of this point we aren't sure what to do. Do we risk it? Uproot our family for job with crappy benefits and low pay? I don't know. We are praying for Wisdom. They need to know in a few days what our decision is.(Edited to add: Bill just came in and told me that he wrote the guy again and turned it down...so I guess TN is off the table.)

On another note...Bill had his 2nd interview this morning with Franklin Energies in Port. He felt like the interview went well. I thought he looked awfully handsome going there! :) He definitely impressed me!! He told me some of the answers he gave to their questions about himself and why he thought he would be good for their company. I thought his answers were good, but I am biased and my opinion won't get him the job. They told him they will let him know next week. So, back to waiting.

Thank you friends for all your prayers. They had been needed and definitely felt. God has given me so much peace to wait on Him. God is in control and we give praise that He is.

I will let you all know once we know any more!

To Tennessee and Back

The Happy kid-free Couple!Crossing the Mississippi river Into TN

Stayed at the Holiday Inn.
Best night sleep ever on a king size, pillow top bed! :)

Spent about 1/3 of our drive in IL.

Seemed like we would never leave that State. :) What our view was for most of the drive.

Details coming soon...