Where panic lives

Did you know that panic lives at Wal-Mart? I found it there tonight...

Once or twice a week in the evening I end up running errands. The kids take turns coming with me. I thought this would be a fun way to spend a little one on one time with each of them. Tonight it was Ryan's turn and he was so excited to go. I needed to pick up a few things for school. I have been working all afternoon on lesson plans and organizing everything so we are ready for our first day on September 2nd.

I looked down at him as we walked through the Wal-Mart doors and thought about what a sweet boy he is and how big he is getting, and I can't believe I am here buying school supplies for his first year of home school. We spent a good half hour going through all the school aisles looking for everything on my list. Every once in awhile Ryan would pull out something that had Spider Man or some other character on it and ask if we could buy it. I explained that we were just getting the things on my list and to please put that back. He obediently placed the items back on the shelves.

We were almost done with our shopping trip when Ryan announced, "Look Mom I found these Star Wars stickers. Aren't they cool?"

"Yes Ryan they are, but could you please put those back where you got them." I replied. He then quickly ran over to where he had found them. I turned back to what I was looking at. A few seconds later I realized that Ryan had not returned. I looked around the corner to see if he was still standing by the stickers. He wasn't there. I walked down to the next aisle, he wasn't there either. That's when I found it...the place where panic lives. My heart dropped and my stomach turned, as I began to call out for him. In that moment my mind began to race and filled with all kinds of horrible things, as I yelled for my son getting no response.

I decided to walk over to the toys thinking that Ryan might have wondered there. As I rounded the corner I nearly collied with an older man. I looked down to see him hand in hand with MY little boy. I audibly gasped, partially out of relief and partially from the sight of my son holding hands with a stranger. Upon seeing me Ryan said, "Mom why did you loose me?" Oh the pain of hearing those words! The man explained that he saw Ryan wondering and told him he would help him find his mommy. Ryan, like a lost sheep had followed. I thanked the man and then took Ryan in my arms. I was afraid I was going to fall apart right there. It's not like I have never lost my kids in a store before. I have had a few seconds in the past where I couldn't see my kiddos and started to get that scary feeling. For some reason this evening was so different. I know that not much time passed in those moments, but I still cannot get over how quickly I lost him. I know it probably sounds like I am making a bigger deal out of this, but I cannot explain the amount of fear and panic I felt. It hit me hard.

Of course all the guilt and the what ifs filled my mind. How could I be so irresponsible? What if that man really wasn't trying to help? What if he was trying to take Ryan out of the store with him. I should have walked over to the stickers with Ryan. I should have NEVER taken my eyes off of him.

We have talked to our kids about strangers many times before, but tonight was a good opportunity to talk about it again. And talk about staying with mom at all times (although it really was my fault because I told him to put the stickers back. I explained that next time I would go with him).

Panic is not a nice place to visit...neither is fear for that matter. All I can say is I am so SO thankful God protected my sweet boy and I found him quickly.

I am still reeling from the experience. Every time I think about it I get this sick feeling of how I could have lost my boy. I am hoping to be able to sleep tonight without being haunted by all the what ifs.

Thank you God for Your grace and protection. Help me to rest in that tonight, and not in what could have been.

A picture just because I needed to post one of his sweetness.