Hello Goodbye

 

It's been coming for awhile. This space, well...it's just not me anymore. I'm in need of a change. I have changed, and my life is currently in a constant state of change (or so it feels).

I have been here for a long time...long for me that is. I never used to be good at keeping journals.  I would always start one with good intentions but then it would peter out.  Writing is something I love and I often need it to process life, so I think that's why I have kept up with this blog over the last 5 years.

I have loved this space. It was what I needed at the time. It documented an era in my life, one that I am still in but slowly phasing out. God is pulling my heart in a different direction although it is still similar (if that even makes sense), so I felt like it would be fitting to create a new blog.

I thought about writing a long goodbye post and then just didn't see the sense in it.  I'm not really leaving, I just decided to move over here.  If you want to follow along I would love to have you (it's still a little bit of a work in progress.  I am hoping to post there soon as to why I chose the name I did) I have been writing there for a little bit now, I just hadn't decided to fully make the move until now.

Sooo, you will no longer find me here. From now on I will be writing over at, "I Come Quietly"

 

We're back

We got back home a week and a half ago and I am struggling to adjust. I want so much to share about the amazing journey that God took us on in S. Asia but words just aren't coming yet. There is a lot being pondered in my heart that is going to take some time to process.  I am still trying to get back into a routine. Homeschooling has been tough the last week.  It was harder then I thought to get back and just jump right into the busy life of being a mom. I have been tired and out of sorts since our return, but I know that it is just a matter of time before things settle. I am just praying that I would extend more grace to those around me during this process.

We returned and autumn was in full swing. I can't believe that the trees are almost bare as of today. I am so glad we didn't miss their beauty. I love the crisp air and the smell that the changing season brings. I took the kiddos on a nature walk and we crunched crunched through the leaves...oh bliss! I just love that sound.

I have been having some sweet fellowship with the Lord lately. His Word  feels so rich and I see my need to just fill up on it...not to cram my head full of knowledge but simply to sit at His feet and marvel at His goodness. This afternoon Bill held down the fort so I could lock myself in our room and just spend time with the Lord.  It was glorious! A full hour to read and pray and drink hot Chai.  I am working my way through the book of Genesis.  I don't know how many times I have read this book but I seem to learn something new every. single. time.

The youngest girls have been very clingy since our return so I am spending lots of time holding little ones.  It makes it a little hard to get things done around the house, but I don't mind so much.  I missed them more then I could imagine and I am just happy that we are all together once again...even if we are all a little crusty.

Life is good.  I just need some time to sort it all out.

Be back soon!

Socks and life

The new school year brought with it some cooler weather. I figured it was time that I get out all our socks. I have to say one thing I love about summertime is NO socks! I absolutely hate folding socks, thus the reason I had a whole basket to fold. When the temps got warm enough I pushed the basket of unfolded socks into the spare bedroom closet. Out of sight out of mind. Am I the only one who hates this chore so much? It just seems so tedious, and we are always missing socks. I can never do a load of laundry without  somehow loosing some.  I think I could fill a whole other basket with all matchless socks we have floating around the house.

Socks weren't really my reason for writing. Although it does make a good analogy.  It  sums up life and how it has felt the last few weeks, a pile of crazy, and a little disorganized. I have a thousand thoughts swirling around right now and just no time to write them.  The answer we were waiting for so long finally came and with it brought a crazy amount of busy.

We are leaving in a few days for an amazing adventure. We have been preparing for this trip for the last few months.  I can't believe it is finally here! Through all my doubts and fears we have seen God's hand at work which is so amazing...He is amazing! I am excited and scared, anxious and at times at peace.  So many emotions happening at once within me.  I am praying, always praying.  I want to learn what God wants me to.  I want to be obedient. I want my eyes to be open to see and my heart to be soft.

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are doing what He wants us to right now.  We got some news today that had we had before we would not have gone on this trip.  I do believe that God doesn't tell us everything right away because often we would run away afraid (or at least I would) and not lean on Him. I would rob myself of His joy. I am so thankful that He loves me so much to tell me what I need to know when I need to know it.

I don't anticipate life slowing down when we return, but I am hoping that I can make time to share.   There are always lessons to learn in what God asks us to do and I don't want to forget any of this crazy ride He has us on.

Until then... 

What we decided on

As of today everything for this school year has been ordered and is on it's way here.  Because it took us so long to make a decision about what were were going to do, we won't be starting school on Monday. I would rather start at the beginning of the week instead of the middle, but I am learning to be flexible. :)

Here is what we have decided on for curriculum.

Anna- 5th grade

     Switched on Schoolhouse

     ~"Switched-On Schoolhouse is a comprehensive, Christian homeschool curriculum that offers computer-based learning for grades 3-12. With animation, video clips, and other fascinating multimedia, Switched-On Schoolhouse is the perfect Christian homeschool curriculum for today's generation...Unlike traditional textbook curriculums with dry, one-dimensional lessons, Switched-On Schoolhouse (SOS) has a diverse, vibrant mix of entertaining lessons, assignments quizzes, and more! Fun-filled lessons are created to captivate students' attention and engage them in learning."

We ordered the subjects separately instead of getting the core package.  We decided to drop Bible (which is included in their core 5).  We are doing our own thing for Bible with the kids, so didn't feel it was necessary to spend an extra $89 for that program.

For Bible we are using Building on Firm foundations. Bill is using this with All the kids.  I am also looking into doing the Bright Lights curriculum with Anna.  It is a Bible study for mother's and daughters. 

Ryan- 2nd grade
     Usually I would do the same curriculum with both of the older kids but since the Switched on Schoolhouse doesn't start until 3rd grade that wasn't an option. We decided to go the route of an online academy. We enrolled him in the A Beka Academy.

"A Beka Academy is an accredited, comprehensive distance-learning program for Kindergarten through grade 12. This academically-challenging, college prepatory education features high quality video instruction and uses Christian character building textbooks from A Beka"

We chose the  streaming video option.

James- Kindergarten
Claire- preschool
     I have to say I am probably most excited about doing Kindergarten this year. We ordered My Father's World.  This is a description from their website of What My Father's World is all about,

• Recognizes the Bible, God's truth, to be the foundation of wisdom and education.
• Utilizes hands-on, unit studies with daily lesson plans that are easy-to-teach.
• Enables families and multi-age groups to learn together. Many of our programs may be taught to a range of ages simultaneously.
• Combines the best of Charlotte Mason's ideas and classical education with a Biblical worldview, an international focus, and our own observations of how children learn.
• Uses a comprehensive, sequenced learning program beginning with preschool learning toys to develop readiness skills. Our complete unit-based curriculum includes a phonics-based learning-to-read program and focuses on God's amazing creation (kindergarten), the world of the Bible (first grade), and U.S. history (second or third grade). Then a year of geography sets the foundation for four years of chronological world and U.S. history (through eighth grade). Our high school curriculum provides a Biblical framework for English, history, and other subjects.
• Provides easy-to-teach, integrated curriculum that is enjoyable, academically strong, and focused on character development.
• Is committed to the Lord of All, who tenderly searches for people from every tribe and language. A portion of our profits helps support missions work overseas, especially Bible translation projects. Our heart's desire is that someday soon all people would be able to read of God's love in their own language.

After talking to several friends who have used this and looking through the materials, I feel really confident that this will be really good for James and Claire.  I decided to teach James and Claire together this year. While Claire is a little young to be doing Kindergarten I think she will do really well in keeping up with James.  She is really motivated to learn and I actually think she could learn to read this year alongside James. I am not going to push it, just encourage her where she wants to learn and grow.  The same goes with James.  If I see that he is really not doing well this year, I am not going to push it.  I am a mom who believes it is okay to start your children later with school.  We did that with Ryan.  I started Kindergarten with him at age 5 and he just wasn't ready.  By the next year (when we repeated kindergarten) He did so well.

I did not order the complete Kindergarten package but instead  ordered the basic. Then I chose what extra things I wanted to go with it.  Here is a list of the extra things I ended up deciding on,
~Cuisenaire Rods
~ Cuisenaire Rods Alphabet Book (Ordered through My Father's World)
~a-z lowercase puzzle
~Number puzzle boards and Pegs
~Kid's puzzle (Ordered through MFW)

So there you have it. Our curriculum choices for the 2011-2012 school year.  Now that I finally have the burden of that decision off my shoulders I am looking forward to starting.  So much prayer has gone into all of this.  I know it is going to look a little different then what I am used to, but I have confidence that God will give us the grace we need.

So stay tuned to find out how it all goes and what we decide we like/dislike about what we are using.

Turning a corner

During my run this morning I felt something change in my body.  I'm sure it wasn't an instantaneous change, it's been changing over time but this morning was when I sensed it.  I have totally turned a corner with running.  My endurance is so much more, my breathing is controlled, I don't feel out of breath and I'm not as tired afterwards.  I can tell my muscles are getting used to to running because I can stretch them further, they are not as tight as they once were. I feel excited about this like, "Whoa, I can actually do this running thing!"  I have not lost a single pound yet in the last 3 weeks but I am sticking with it despite the fact.  My body seems slow to make changes so I'm thinking over time I will eventually loose the rest of the baby weight. It just might take longer then I wanted.

Bill has started running again too.  I am really excited for him.  He used to be a runner and has always enjoyed it but he hasn't done it in years. Don't tell him this, but I think I was influential in him starting back at running. :) I think he saw how much I was enjoying it and it made him remember that it was something he once loved. 

I took Ryan with me this morning on my run.  He got all dressed in his shorts and running shoes and declared that he was going to run with me.  I thought about turning him down because I really enjoy running alone.  I don't like to talk while running. I love listening to music or to the sound of my feet hitting the pavement.  I decided though to give it a try, I told him he could join me. He turned out to be a really good companion. He isn't much of a talker, so that wasn't an issue for us. He did really well too, I was surprised actually.  He stayed with until about 16 minutes into it. We were close enough to the house at that point that he just ran home.

I think this is so good for our family. I think it is building healthy habits and hopefully being a good example to our kids about taking care of our bodies. It's fun that Ryan sees both of us exercising and wants to do the same now. It serves as a good reminder to me that our kids are always watching so we must be wise in what we are living out before them.

Decisions on homeschooling

I've been struggling with guilt lately.  We have a lot of big decisions to make, many of which revolve around our kids. One of the biggest decisions is regarding homeschooling curriculum. When we pulled the kids out of public school this past December I just did a mix of curriculum with Anna and Ryan. It wasn't  the most organized system but it got us through the rest of the year.  I knew at the beginning of summer that I was going to want something more organized. We began praying months ago for wisdom in this area. But, here we are just 2 and a half weeks before school starts and we still have not ordered anything.  Every time I have sat down to research or pray about it I just feel this huge weight and then I feel paralyzed in making any kind of decision.

I think the problem is, I have this ideal of homeschooling.  I have thoughts about how I think it should go and what I want it to look like. I love the whole Charlotte Mason approach to homeschooling. I want to be more hands on. I want to understand my kids better and teach in way that is effective for each of their learning styles. I want to be involved. However, because of us moving overseas (hopefully in the next year) we need to find something that doesn't require so much planning and teaching on my part. Bill feels strongly about getting the kids in an online charter school, at least for the next few years. We want to try it out this year and see how it goes before we got overseas.  The reason for doing this is because the first few years in another country are going to be very busy and stressful for us as we learn the language and culture. We still feel strongly about homeschooling, so it looks like for now this is our best option.

This decision has lead to even more guilt on my part. I couldn't put my finger on why I was feeling so much guilt until the other night when I was talking it out with Bill. I realized that it's because of the ideas I hold of homeschooling.  A few months ago I went to a homeschooling seminar. It was while Bill and I were in training and it was geared towards people like ourselves who are going to be homeschooling overseas. One of the biggest things that struck me about that seminar was when one of the speakers said, "homeschooling will look different overseas then it does in the states." It sounds like a duh statement but I had never really thought about it. Oh course it is going to be different.  I keep thinking about that and realize that I need to come to grips with it.  I have to get rid of some of my ideals and learn to be flexable.  At least for a time.  For my sanity and stress level, we are going to have to do things differently over there.

I was talking to a new friend of mine recently and telling her my concerns with the curriculum that we are deciding on. She looked at me and said, "You know, you can make anything work. It's all in your attitude and how you approach it."  I really appreciated her saying that to me.  Yes we may find that we don't care for what we have chosen to use this year, but we will work with it and learn from it and adjust things as need be. And who knows we could find that we absolutely love it, this new way of schooling and it could radically change my my ideas about homeschooling. I don't want it to sound like I  expect our experience this year to be all negative. I just know it's going to be different. It always takes me awhile to adjust to change.

I have also come to realize over the last few days that I don't need to feel guilt.  Guilt does not come from the Lord so it is not something that I need to succumb to. I am still my children's teacher (no matter if they are using an online teacher to teach their subjects to them). I will still be proactive in teaching my children character traits and what God's Word has to say. Those are the lessons in life that are the most important.

We are going to be making our final decisions about curriculum this weekend, and ordering all of our materials. I will come back once we do and write about what we end up with.  Looks like it's going to be and interesting adventure this year. :)

Waiting

We have been waiting for a long time. (or so it feels) In fact, waiting has been something that Bill and I are getting really good at. I would venture to say we are even becoming pros. :)

Hurry up and wait. It's the name of the game.

We wait on the Lord to reveal His will.

This is a big week for us. Tomorrow is the 16th. A final decision is going to be made about our future. There are days when it has felt like it ALL hangs in the balance, but we know this isn't true. He has a plan, no matter what the decision is.

It's like opening a package on Christmas morning. I know that whatever is in that box is going to be good...because it was given to us by the Giver who gives good gifts.

So we wait with anticipation and hope...no matter what this weeks answer will bring.


Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary. Is 40:31

We are family

It would be easier to send them out to play 

instead of playing with them

It would be easier to turn on the TV

instead of turning it off

It would be easier to not get involved

instead of getting involved

It would be easier to ignore

instead of paying attention

It would be easier to do what I want

instead of what they need

It would be easier to send them to school

instead of keeping them home

It would be easier to deal with outward appearances

instead of the heart

It would be easier to love what is lovely

instead of what isn't

It would be easier to respond harshly

instead of kindly

It would be easier to only share part of the truth

instead of the whole

We had a rough day yesterday.  The kids just couldn't seem to get along.  I felt like, instead of being Mom I was Referee. It was hot out but not as hot as it has been. I told the kids they needed to go out to play. From the moment I uttered the words there was nothing but complaining. They fought over everything while they were outside. I had a lot of issues I had to deal with with them. It was very draining.

I'm not sure what the change was but I happened to look over at the kids as they all huddled around Katie (who was sitting in a make shift pool, aka a rubber maid container), I see  them pile their hands on top of each other.  They did it several times. I leaned in closer to hear what they were saying.  I was surprised at what they were doing. "On the count of three. 1. 2.3...FAMILY!" They shouted.

For a brief time I got a glimpse of something good...the value of hard work.  The value of putting in the time.  The choices we make to do the right thing with our kids, often times the hard thing. It is no easy task being a parent.  There are days when I wonder if any of the work I put in will amount to anything.

God is good to give small reminders.

Keep going.

Keep pressing on.

There ARE good things happening here...even when it doesn't feel like it.

To see fruits of our labor is such a reward.

This verse has become something that I pray over my children. It is my desire that they would live it.
"Do everything without complaining and arguing,  so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life.." Phil 2:14-16

In order for them to live it, I have to model it and so that means making those hard choices.  That means being diligent and consistent. That means letting Christ love them through me so that they can see Him.

And so I press on. :)

Reaching an end of an era

(Picture taken back in February)

Tonight we reached another milestone. Katie went to bed without me nursing her. I knew it was coming because she has been loosing interest. The last week or so she hasn't wanted to nurse at night. AND, she has been biting me... alot! So, tonight she went to bed happily without me. Not sure how that can be possible, but it's true. My baby is changing every day. Wanting to become more like the big kids.

We are not officially done nursing, we still have our mornings together which she enjoys as do I, but I have the feeling it isn't going to last much longer.

I think God is being really gracious to me in the way that this is happening. I was feeling so sad that I was going to have to wean her anyway. Bill and I are planning to go out of the country on a vision trip in September and we won't be able to take the littles with us (that is a whole other post in and of itself). I knew I needed to start the process of weaning her but had really been dragging my feet about it. I feel better about the fact that she is naturally weaning herself. Then I won't feel so guilty, although I will still be a little sad about it.

I know there are many out there who will not understand my heart in wanting to nurse her for a long time. I just think that breastfeeding is such a beautiful thing and such a sweet time with my baby. I really am going to miss it.


But instead of dwelling on the sad side of this I will look for the positives and look to the days ahead with joy. We are moving ahead with life as we should. :) Getting out of this baby phase will be so strange as I have either been pregnant or nursing a baby for the last 10 years.  That's a LONG time! It has been good.

So I wonder what the days to come will be like? I wonder what freedom there will be in not having a baby nurse?  

I guess I'm about to find out...

A new playlist

I recently started doing the Couch to 5k. A friend of mine had told me about this several months ago, but I put off starting it, partly because of the heat and partly because I wasn't sure I could do it.  Finally after feeling antsy (running seems to help when I am feeling this way) I determined that I would give it a go.  The first time I went out, I knew it was very doable for me.  I loved the training plan. I love how it gradually builds.  I have tried running in the past and have never stuck with it.  Having a plan makes it so much easier to stick with it. I feel like I am accomplishing something.

Okay, so to the point of why I am writing this...

When I run I like to take my MP3 player with me.  It helps to pass the time to have something to listen to.  The problem is right now I feel like I keep listening to the same songs over and over.  So I want to put a question out there to all you who exercise...what is on your playlist?  I am looking for some more upbeat running type music.  I listen mostly Christian music, so if you know of any upbeat Christian music that would be great...but I am open to all types of suggestions.

A story to tell

 

I haven't been writing. Well, I guess that's not totally true. I have written a few things but just not for anyone's eyes but my own. Sharing a piece of my heart makes me feel so vulnerable. For whatever reason the things on my heart have felt too personal to share, so I haven't. I haven't been willing to go there and open myself up and let others see the good things...or the hard things.

Recently though, I was convicted about the reason why I haven't wanted to share. Truth be told, I worry too much about what others think of me. fear of displeasing others...it's an old friend I thought I had kicked to the curb. I guess not entirely. I know I need to be considerate in what I write and not be offensive, but I am not referring to offending others. I am talking about the fear of being judged. Why am I so concerned about this? The Lord opened my eyes and showed me that He can be glorified through my sharing our story with others. And so, I have begun to write again with renewed passion. Fear be gone!

Through my life joys and sorrows, I have a story to tell.

And it's coming soon. :)

One year ago

Kaitlyn Joy became a part of our family. It was an amazing day. You can read her birth story here. You can also read about what the kids thought when they first met Kaitlyn here.

I put together a little video of her of the day she joined our family. It was such a special day for all of us filled with so much joy. One that we will never forget.

On the eve of childhood

My eyes are heavy from a long full day. I should be crawling into bed right now because morning will come early. I just can't seem to force myself to go though...not quite yet anyway. I am not ready to wake tomorrow.

My baby is going to be one!

 

I am trying to articulate all the emotions swirling around my mind. This day has crept up on me. It has been a day mixed with tears, both sadness and joy.  I wanted that time would slow down just a little this year. I wanted to enjoy each day, and honestly I  have. I have enjoyed getting to know her and watch as her little personality emerges. She fits her name well...pure joy. It's what she is.

I wanted to hold her a little closer and nurse just a little bit longer.  I have and I will.

But the days are fleeting.

I am excited to see who she will become and what God has planned for her. But I am not ready for her to stop being a baby just yet. She is my last and it is so bittersweet.  Some days more bitter then sweet, but I taste the good in what is to come.

Oh sweet one, I will close my eyes tonight and continue to thank God that He blessed us with you (our surprise gift). You were a good thing from above.

Tomorrow when we wake we will celebrate you and the life He has given. I will soak up every last moment until the day is gone. And when the next day comes we will hold on and look forward to what your childhood will bring.

But just so you know, my heart won't let go...you'll always be my baby!

When words are few

"When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.”

~Ansel Adems

I have always been a writer.  As a little girl I spent  hours thinking and dreaming.  I wrote many stories, some real some not. It was just how I created. My mom encouraged me to follow that strong desire.  She even allowed me to keep a pen and paper next to my bed because I would often awake in the middle of the night with thoughts and ideas that I just had to record because I might forget them.  I have always been better at expressing myself through written word. I can't always articulate when I talk but if you give me some time to think I can usually come up with something with pen and paper (or laptop). I process life through writing.

 

Sometimes I find myself at a loss for words. I'm not sure what it is. I guess it goes in cycles. Sometimes I have a lot to say and sometimes I don't. Sometimes there is so much going on in my mind that I can't seem to untangle it all and get it out. There are almost always thoughts but sometimes they just get stuck...or I just don't have the time or desire to record them.

Over the last 3 years taking pictures has become another form of writing for me. When I don't have the ability to express words I use my camera to do it for me. Sometimes a photograph says it better then I ever could. Instead of a pen in my hand, my camera writes our story down. Capturing spontaneous  emotion and life just as it is happening has become a part of how I process. I wouldn't say that photography has replaced writing, hopefully it has just become a tool to enhance it.

 

But sometimes still communication fails me and recording life falls by the wayside. I find myself content with life and just living it. No need to process. Pens and cameras and laptops aside. Just living in the moment and finding my way in the quietness of life.

 

Friends forever

This morning as I was nursing Katie, Claire came over to be near us. At the sound of Claire's voice Katie stopped eating and looked over at her. They both smiled at each other.

"Katie, you are so fluffy." Claire exclaimed laughing. Katie responded by laughing. "Why is Katie fluffy?" I inquired. "Because she has so much hair." was Claire's response.

Already I can see a friendship blooming between these two. Right now they adore one another. I just pray that through the ebb and flow of their relationship over the years that they will remain close.

Friends forever.

Loosing it

My body has seen better days.

After having 5 babies things just aren't the way they used to be. I'm not sure what it is but after having each of my girls I have had a hard time loosing weight. With my boys I lost all my baby weight (and then some) right away. Right now, after having Katie I am the heaviest I have been (non pregnant). I still have about 15-20 pounds to loose. I have wanted desperately to get into a good exercise routine but have struggled to find the time (and energy) to fit it in. I know it sounds like excuses, and maybe it partly is but it is what it is. Exercise has been anything but consistent in my life the past 10 months. I feel bad about it yet I continue to not do much about it.

Until recently.

I decided that I just needed to take one day at a time. There are a few baby steps that I have taken over the last two weeks.  Nothing earth shattering or new just small things to get myself going.

~I sat down and made a daily schedule. This was very helpful to see how I should order my day and best be able to fit in the things that need to be there.

~I made time in my day for the most important thing...quiet time with the Lord.

~I am getting up earlier. I am not much of a morning person but this seems to be helping me get off to a good start.

~I eat a healthy breakfast like oatmeal when I feed the kids. Often I used to skip breakfast and just drink tea, but then I end up snacking on unhealthy foods all morning.  Eating a filling healthy breakfast has helped me to feel energized so I don't have the urge to sack.

~I drink LOTS of water. This is something that I have always done but I consider this to be so important.

~I have come up with more creative ways to get some exercise in.  This sounds really lame compared to some of my friends who go to the gym several times a week or spend hours a day working out, but in this stage of my life this is what works for me.  I have been doing things like playing baseball with my kids. Instead of having the kids be the ones to fetch the stray balls I am continually running after the balls.  This gets my heart going. We also play basketball or kick a soccer ball around.  Sometimes I walk laps around the church we live next to while the kids play in the yard. I also try and go for walks by myself, but this still doesn't happen nearly as often as I would like.

~I have cut out snacking in the evening.  I think this is possibly the biggest thing for me. Bill and I will often sit and watch a favorite show in the evening (after the kids are sleeping) and eat a bowl of popcorn. Now if I feel hungry at night I drink a glass of water and the desire to eat goes away.

~I have decided that I can do this!  I just realized that I have it in me (with Christ's help) to do this.  It is such a wonderful feeling. I decided that I need to be more positive (not just about weight loss) and choose to have joy in everything. This is something that the Lord has been working on me for years. It is so freeing to choose to have a positive outlook on life. Honestly, I believe that having joy  is one of the biggest steps you can take to becoming a healthy person. Scripture even says so, "a joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones." Provers 17:22

And guess what? This week I lost 3 pounds!! This is HUGE for me.  My scale has not budged in months.  I am so excited. I really do feel like a new person and it's not just about the weight loss.  I believe all these changes will add up to a healthier, happier me. :)

Chubby

Found this picture in my archives. Taken back in February. I just love my chubby baby. Some day I am going to miss those sweet cheeks.

10 months

What a beautiful sunny day we had today. I had to take to opportunity to get some outside pictures (since we were already outside playing). Kaitlyn was 10 months on the 16th so these are a little late. I doubt she changed too much in those couple of days. :) Hard to believe that in just 2 months my baby girl is going to be a year. Oy! Not sure if I can handle my last baby growing up.

I just love her hair! And those cheeks!

Silly girl! She loves to smile and make funny faces at us.

I just can't resist those beautiful eyes!

So thankful she is mine.

Resting in Him

Sometimes you hear a song and it touches the very core of your heart. I came across this song for the first time the other day and it reached down deap into what I feel.


Restless
You dwell in the songs that we are singing
Rising to the Heavens, rising to Your heart, Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between and frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You

Oh, speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me, whisper in the dark
'Cause I know You're more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless, tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I wanna rest in You

Still my heart hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry

Still my heart hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, let me rest in You
I'm restless, so restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I will rest in You

Conversations with Claire

A conversation with Claire today,

Claire (looking at me) "Ewww, I don't like that shirt." referring to what I am wearing.

Me  "That's okay you don't have to like it. What's wrong with it?"

Claire "I have no idea I just don't like it.  Change it."


Hahahaha.  That's our little fashionista who attempts to change her clothes multiple times a day (although we have put a stop to that). She definitely already has her own sense of style. It makes me wonder what she will be like when she is older. :)

(I think I should make this a regular section in my blog. Claire says the funniest things.  I need to write them down so I don't forget.)

Oh boy

Being a mom to little boys makes life so interesting.  The things they say and do melt me, make me laugh and sometimes make me cringe (in an, i don't understand why he did that because I'm not a boy, way).

This afternoon  I was reading a Star Wars book to James. I found it really dull but he thought it was very interesting. :) Anyway, all of the sudden I got a whiff of something quite stinky. It wasn't a toot kind of stinky, it was something different, I remarked, "Eww, what is that smell?"  James looked at me for a second and and then replied, "My bottom was itchy, I had to scratch it." Obviously he smelled it too because he knew what I was referring to. So gross!

I quickly told him to wash his hands.

We had a little chat about wiping better after we go potty (and not scratching with our bare hands afterwords).

hahahaha


Boys!

Self Portrait

Experimenting with my tripod and camera remote. :)

Go deeper

I have loved to read ever since I was young.  I almost always had a stack of  fiction books with me where ever I went (This must be why Anna comes by her love of reading so naturally). I remember my mom, who was an avid reader herself, always reading some sort of non fiction.  At the time I didn't really enjoy too many non fiction books (unless they were told like a fiction story...if that makes sense). I loved action and drama and mystery.  I loved being able to escape into a story and imagine myself as a part of what I was reading.  One day I asked my mom why she never read fiction.  She told me that she used to read a lot of fiction books, but later in life they didn't seem to hold her interest.  I couldn't imagine it.

What's funny is years later after this conversation with my mother, I find myself in the same situation.  I have tried many times to pick up a fiction book, even one of my favorites, and I just cant seem to get into it. I doubt this will last forever (at least I don't think it will), I think it is just where I am at lately.  I hunger for something more. And while there is nothing wrong with reading fiction I find myself wanting to read things of substance. I want to fill my heart and mind with good things, with His word and words that He inspired other believers to write.

For my birthday Bill got me a book by Amy Carmichael (I come quietly to meet you). Actually it's a devotional  consisting of some of her writings compiled. At the end of each devotional there is a prayer (written by the person who compiled her writings). Anyway, I recently started reading the book and I have to say there is not a chapter that I have not loved so far. It is speaking volumes to my soul. So much of her writing is right where my heart is at.  There have been some days where I am just speechless as to how perfect the devotional was for that day. I love how God uses His body to encourage and grow me.

This was one of the chapters that really touched me the other day.

Silent Song
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?...Deep calls to deep...By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me- a prayer to the God of my life. Psalm 42:5, 7-8

The son greatly wished to make a "Song of Lovely Things" to sing to his Beloved- but he could not find singing -words

He heard the voice of his Beloved saying, "You are walking on the road where all who love

But the son became full of grief, because there came a day when he could find no words to sing- neither his own, nor those of others. And yet he wanted with all his heart and soul and mind to ascend to higher places, to stand in the presence of His Beloved.
And He who is love eternal whispered, "then I, too, will approach you, silent in my love."

And the son entered into this silence, to meet the eternal Beloved there...

After a while there was a sound in the gentle stillness, a voice that whispered, "Even your silence is, to Me a song of lovely things..." (His Thoughts said...His Father Said p.30)

My Father, There are reasons why I could feel downcast. When I think about some parts of my life, it's hard to pray- even harder to worship in freedom...relationships that are difficult...dreams and goals that are crumbling...old hurts that wound me over and over...Some parts of me feel cold and wordless. Is the problem that I've buried some things deep inside? Are you patiently calling- through days and months- for me to open up to you at some deeper level? Today, Father, I trust you to go deeper.
      ~Chapter 6 from "I Come Quietly to Meet you"

Oh yes Lord! That is the prayer of my heart. Open those closed up places, the dark and empty and that need filled by you. Help me Lord to surrender to you. Thank you for meeting me where I am...even in the silence. 


I want to go deeper with you!

Spring

This picture just makes me think of spring. I love the color yellow, it makes me feel happy! It symbolizes freshness and clean starts.

I smell change in the air, and I have a feeling it isn't just seasonal. The air of life is about bloom into new things. Things may seem so uncertain right now, but I know that God is in control so I am excited to see what He has in store. I am watching and waiting to see what He grows in this season of life.

Spring is just around the corner. :)

Where I am

This space here has been pretty quiet. Busy life has taken over recently. It became a whirlwind when things opened up for us to move back to WI a month ago. We packed up our place in a week and left MO. Needless to say there has been no shortage of things to do. Just within the last week life is finally starting to settle down (with the exception of some yucky stomach bugs we have had) and we are adjusting to yet a new normal. Homeschooling is going okay, although I am still trying to find my way and find things that work for us. 

We moved back here just in time for some fun winter weather...so much snow everywhere! We have spent most of our days at home.  I have been enjoying some quiet afternoon activities when the littles sleep. The other day I made a patchwork strap for my camera.  I am loving how it turned out.  I also made a diaper bag with a bunch of baby things to go inside it for Claire's baby doll...her birthday is tomorrow, she turns 3.

That's about it for now.  I have lots of thoughts floating around my mind but haven't really been up to writing them down. Maybe sometime soon.

Until then...

7 months

7 months old on the 16th.

~She has 2 little teeth.

~is now rolling all over the place to get what she wants.

~still does not sit up unassisted yet, but we are getting there.

~loves to chew on everything.

~loves her little blankie. She grabs it every time I put her in bed and snuggles it close.

~Very curious about everything.

~I have to nurse her in the other room away from people because she won't eat otherwise. She has to know what is happening around her.

~Thinks playing with her feet is fun.

~Draws a lot of attention whenever we go out.

~Is still smiling all the time.

I need to redo these pictures when she doesn't have chapped cheeks, but I still thought they were too cute not to share. :)

Grow old with you

The frustration and emotion had been building in my heart. I felt ready to explode. This happens when things are about to change for me...life changing things. I am getting used to the idea of life constantly changing and the never ending goodbyes that come with it. That being said it just doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

It's funny because when we first moved out here to MO I didn't want to be here.  I wasn't ready to give up everything and leave it all behind. It was a process to accept that which God is calling us and surrender to Him,  and even find joy in the midst.  So, as graduation was approaching and the realization that life as we have known it the last year and a half was coming to the end, I cracked. School was about to end for Bill and I.  I was preparing to starting homeschooling again. We are entering into a new phase of what we need to do that is out of my comfort zone.  All these realizations came crashing down on me.  I felt totally overwhelmed.  I started to doubt my abilities to teach the children and to care for my home.

This was the frame of mind I was in one evening a few weeks ago. I am not really sure what started it but I blew up at Bill.  I am sure it was over something silly.  I was upset with him and said something to the effect that "I do everything around here with no help" (so NOT true).  He took it all in stride.  He did not yell back at me (like he could have) because that's the kind of man he is.

He went out to run errands that evening and was gone for quite awhile.  It was getting late so I put the kids to bed.   After tucking them in I came down to see that Bill had just gotten home.  I walked around the corner and gasped. There on my kitchen table was a very sweet bouquet of flowers. He smiled at me, "I thought you could use some encouragement." Next to the flowers was a card.  It was full of beautiful encouraging words.

I was humbled.

What an amazing man to tell me that I am beautiful and a good mom and to encourage that I can do this...even when I had been so mean and ugly to him. He could see past my ugly layers. Past the fear to the places that he knows. He gets me.

My heart melted and I fell in love even more.

I kissed him and told him how sorry I was for how I had behaved.  He understood and acted as if there was nothing to forgive.

Sigh! I am blessed.

Looking forward to the days ahead and growing old with you by my side.

I love you Bill!

Crafting

For whatever reason I was feeling really ambitious this Christmas. I decided to hand make all the gifts for my kids teachers. I decided this about a week before they needed to be done. :) I had about 8 gifts to make.  I had a few ideas floating around my head by finally settled on Cozies for coffee cups.  (if you are interested here is the online tutorial that I used.)  I ran into a few snags (like my sewing machine quitting on me and me having to borrow a neighbor's machine to finish) but I was really excited about how they turned out.  I cut out like 10 extra of these because they were so fun to make (I still need to finish making them).

I bought them each a travel mug from Wal-mart and placed the cozy on top. Hopefully their teachers liked them.

I also made rice heating pads for Anna and Ryan's teachers but I didn't take pictures of them.  I didn't have a pattern for those so I just made one up.

Since I was able to pull all that off and I enjoyed it so much it really put me in a crafting mood.  I have been wanting to make some cute stuffed toys for Kaitlyn. Last night I sat down at the sewing machine and made this sweet little stuffed bunny. This picture is of the back. I still need to attach it's tail.

This is the front. It is super soft.  I used printed flannel on the back and double sided fleece on the front.  This bunny is missing a face.  I might just add that tonight. :)  If you are interested in making one of these I found a free pattern here.

Next up on my list is a camera strap cover. Can't wait to get started on that!

This moment

You and I
we fit just right

Snuggled close

please don't grow so fast

I drink it in

Savor each moment

I'll keep you nearby

As long as it lasts

I never imagined
but
God knew
He gave us you

our sweet surprise