A story to tell

 

I haven't been writing. Well, I guess that's not totally true. I have written a few things but just not for anyone's eyes but my own. Sharing a piece of my heart makes me feel so vulnerable. For whatever reason the things on my heart have felt too personal to share, so I haven't. I haven't been willing to go there and open myself up and let others see the good things...or the hard things.

Recently though, I was convicted about the reason why I haven't wanted to share. Truth be told, I worry too much about what others think of me. fear of displeasing others...it's an old friend I thought I had kicked to the curb. I guess not entirely. I know I need to be considerate in what I write and not be offensive, but I am not referring to offending others. I am talking about the fear of being judged. Why am I so concerned about this? The Lord opened my eyes and showed me that He can be glorified through my sharing our story with others. And so, I have begun to write again with renewed passion. Fear be gone!

Through my life joys and sorrows, I have a story to tell.

And it's coming soon. :)

One year ago

Kaitlyn Joy became a part of our family. It was an amazing day. You can read her birth story here. You can also read about what the kids thought when they first met Kaitlyn here.

I put together a little video of her of the day she joined our family. It was such a special day for all of us filled with so much joy. One that we will never forget.

On the eve of childhood

My eyes are heavy from a long full day. I should be crawling into bed right now because morning will come early. I just can't seem to force myself to go though...not quite yet anyway. I am not ready to wake tomorrow.

My baby is going to be one!

 

I am trying to articulate all the emotions swirling around my mind. This day has crept up on me. It has been a day mixed with tears, both sadness and joy.  I wanted that time would slow down just a little this year. I wanted to enjoy each day, and honestly I  have. I have enjoyed getting to know her and watch as her little personality emerges. She fits her name well...pure joy. It's what she is.

I wanted to hold her a little closer and nurse just a little bit longer.  I have and I will.

But the days are fleeting.

I am excited to see who she will become and what God has planned for her. But I am not ready for her to stop being a baby just yet. She is my last and it is so bittersweet.  Some days more bitter then sweet, but I taste the good in what is to come.

Oh sweet one, I will close my eyes tonight and continue to thank God that He blessed us with you (our surprise gift). You were a good thing from above.

Tomorrow when we wake we will celebrate you and the life He has given. I will soak up every last moment until the day is gone. And when the next day comes we will hold on and look forward to what your childhood will bring.

But just so you know, my heart won't let go...you'll always be my baby!

When words are few

"When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.”

~Ansel Adems

I have always been a writer.  As a little girl I spent  hours thinking and dreaming.  I wrote many stories, some real some not. It was just how I created. My mom encouraged me to follow that strong desire.  She even allowed me to keep a pen and paper next to my bed because I would often awake in the middle of the night with thoughts and ideas that I just had to record because I might forget them.  I have always been better at expressing myself through written word. I can't always articulate when I talk but if you give me some time to think I can usually come up with something with pen and paper (or laptop). I process life through writing.

 

Sometimes I find myself at a loss for words. I'm not sure what it is. I guess it goes in cycles. Sometimes I have a lot to say and sometimes I don't. Sometimes there is so much going on in my mind that I can't seem to untangle it all and get it out. There are almost always thoughts but sometimes they just get stuck...or I just don't have the time or desire to record them.

Over the last 3 years taking pictures has become another form of writing for me. When I don't have the ability to express words I use my camera to do it for me. Sometimes a photograph says it better then I ever could. Instead of a pen in my hand, my camera writes our story down. Capturing spontaneous  emotion and life just as it is happening has become a part of how I process. I wouldn't say that photography has replaced writing, hopefully it has just become a tool to enhance it.

 

But sometimes still communication fails me and recording life falls by the wayside. I find myself content with life and just living it. No need to process. Pens and cameras and laptops aside. Just living in the moment and finding my way in the quietness of life.

 

Friends forever

This morning as I was nursing Katie, Claire came over to be near us. At the sound of Claire's voice Katie stopped eating and looked over at her. They both smiled at each other.

"Katie, you are so fluffy." Claire exclaimed laughing. Katie responded by laughing. "Why is Katie fluffy?" I inquired. "Because she has so much hair." was Claire's response.

Already I can see a friendship blooming between these two. Right now they adore one another. I just pray that through the ebb and flow of their relationship over the years that they will remain close.

Friends forever.

Loosing it

My body has seen better days.

After having 5 babies things just aren't the way they used to be. I'm not sure what it is but after having each of my girls I have had a hard time loosing weight. With my boys I lost all my baby weight (and then some) right away. Right now, after having Katie I am the heaviest I have been (non pregnant). I still have about 15-20 pounds to loose. I have wanted desperately to get into a good exercise routine but have struggled to find the time (and energy) to fit it in. I know it sounds like excuses, and maybe it partly is but it is what it is. Exercise has been anything but consistent in my life the past 10 months. I feel bad about it yet I continue to not do much about it.

Until recently.

I decided that I just needed to take one day at a time. There are a few baby steps that I have taken over the last two weeks.  Nothing earth shattering or new just small things to get myself going.

~I sat down and made a daily schedule. This was very helpful to see how I should order my day and best be able to fit in the things that need to be there.

~I made time in my day for the most important thing...quiet time with the Lord.

~I am getting up earlier. I am not much of a morning person but this seems to be helping me get off to a good start.

~I eat a healthy breakfast like oatmeal when I feed the kids. Often I used to skip breakfast and just drink tea, but then I end up snacking on unhealthy foods all morning.  Eating a filling healthy breakfast has helped me to feel energized so I don't have the urge to sack.

~I drink LOTS of water. This is something that I have always done but I consider this to be so important.

~I have come up with more creative ways to get some exercise in.  This sounds really lame compared to some of my friends who go to the gym several times a week or spend hours a day working out, but in this stage of my life this is what works for me.  I have been doing things like playing baseball with my kids. Instead of having the kids be the ones to fetch the stray balls I am continually running after the balls.  This gets my heart going. We also play basketball or kick a soccer ball around.  Sometimes I walk laps around the church we live next to while the kids play in the yard. I also try and go for walks by myself, but this still doesn't happen nearly as often as I would like.

~I have cut out snacking in the evening.  I think this is possibly the biggest thing for me. Bill and I will often sit and watch a favorite show in the evening (after the kids are sleeping) and eat a bowl of popcorn. Now if I feel hungry at night I drink a glass of water and the desire to eat goes away.

~I have decided that I can do this!  I just realized that I have it in me (with Christ's help) to do this.  It is such a wonderful feeling. I decided that I need to be more positive (not just about weight loss) and choose to have joy in everything. This is something that the Lord has been working on me for years. It is so freeing to choose to have a positive outlook on life. Honestly, I believe that having joy  is one of the biggest steps you can take to becoming a healthy person. Scripture even says so, "a joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones." Provers 17:22

And guess what? This week I lost 3 pounds!! This is HUGE for me.  My scale has not budged in months.  I am so excited. I really do feel like a new person and it's not just about the weight loss.  I believe all these changes will add up to a healthier, happier me. :)

Chubby

Found this picture in my archives. Taken back in February. I just love my chubby baby. Some day I am going to miss those sweet cheeks.

10 months

What a beautiful sunny day we had today. I had to take to opportunity to get some outside pictures (since we were already outside playing). Kaitlyn was 10 months on the 16th so these are a little late. I doubt she changed too much in those couple of days. :) Hard to believe that in just 2 months my baby girl is going to be a year. Oy! Not sure if I can handle my last baby growing up.

I just love her hair! And those cheeks!

Silly girl! She loves to smile and make funny faces at us.

I just can't resist those beautiful eyes!

So thankful she is mine.

Resting in Him

Sometimes you hear a song and it touches the very core of your heart. I came across this song for the first time the other day and it reached down deap into what I feel.


Restless
You dwell in the songs that we are singing
Rising to the Heavens, rising to Your heart, Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between and frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You

Oh, speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me, whisper in the dark
'Cause I know You're more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless, tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I wanna rest in You

Still my heart hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry

Still my heart hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, let me rest in You
I'm restless, so restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I will rest in You

Conversations with Claire

A conversation with Claire today,

Claire (looking at me) "Ewww, I don't like that shirt." referring to what I am wearing.

Me  "That's okay you don't have to like it. What's wrong with it?"

Claire "I have no idea I just don't like it.  Change it."


Hahahaha.  That's our little fashionista who attempts to change her clothes multiple times a day (although we have put a stop to that). She definitely already has her own sense of style. It makes me wonder what she will be like when she is older. :)

(I think I should make this a regular section in my blog. Claire says the funniest things.  I need to write them down so I don't forget.)

Oh boy

Being a mom to little boys makes life so interesting.  The things they say and do melt me, make me laugh and sometimes make me cringe (in an, i don't understand why he did that because I'm not a boy, way).

This afternoon  I was reading a Star Wars book to James. I found it really dull but he thought it was very interesting. :) Anyway, all of the sudden I got a whiff of something quite stinky. It wasn't a toot kind of stinky, it was something different, I remarked, "Eww, what is that smell?"  James looked at me for a second and and then replied, "My bottom was itchy, I had to scratch it." Obviously he smelled it too because he knew what I was referring to. So gross!

I quickly told him to wash his hands.

We had a little chat about wiping better after we go potty (and not scratching with our bare hands afterwords).

hahahaha


Boys!

Self Portrait

Experimenting with my tripod and camera remote. :)