A boy's dream

Before we moved out here we had 10 days of being "homeless". We had to be out of our house by the end of July, but we were weren't scheduled to move to Missouri until August 10th. The parent's of some friends of ours opened their home to us. They live out in the country on a farm. They have an apartment above their house that they let missionaries stay in. What a blessing for our family.

In the moments that were weren't busy getting ready to go we enjoyed the scenery at their place. The boys especially had fun watching the tractors working in the field. They also enjoyed the freedom they had to run wild for a change. :)

Time for a change

Before our big move here, two of my friends treated me to a hair salon so I could get a little bit of a new look. What a great gift! I had been wanting to get my hair cut for awhile but never got around to making myself an apt.

Here is the before shot.

In the process of getting the cut.

The end result.

It took me a few minutes to get used to my new look...but I absolutely LOVE it! It is so light and so freeing. I almost felt like a different person.

Thank you Janel and Pam for treating me and making me feel special!!

A night to remember

*Written about my last girls night out on August 5th. I am starting to realize that I may not get caught up on my blog as it is taking me too long. I may just have to skip to the present pretty soon here. : )

My friends arranged to have a fun girls night right before we were to move away. It was decided that we would go to the cheesecake factory (which is located at a mall) and then do a little shopping.

These are the beautiful woman who were able to come that night. There were 12 of us.

I was craving a salad....and salad I did get. This picture doesn't do it justice, Oh my word, it was the biggest salad I have ever seen. :)

After we finished eating it was pretty late and there was only about 10 minutes left to shop. So we had a mad dash out the door. Everyone scattered in smaller groups and went to their favorite places. Somehow we all managed to find one another again in the middle of this outdoor mall. The stores had closed but no one felt like ending the night just yet. Janel announced that we needed to make this a memorable night. She suggested that we go run through the water fountains. We all walked over there admiring the view at night. It really is a lovely place to go at night with the streets being all lit up and soft dancing music being played for the enjoyment of all

I didn't really think that anyone would ACTUALLY do it. But three of my friends (Janel, Jenny and Nicole) decided it really would be fun to run through the water.

Standing there watching them (and laughing) I thought, "I really wish I had enough guts to be that fun." Oh be careful what you wish...

I laughed so hard watching them that I nearly wet my pants! :) I asked them to get together so that I could take their picture. They had asked if I would like to join in the fun but I had declined using the excuse that I needed to take pictures.

Next Pam (my friend who takes amazing pictures) offered to take a picture of all 4 of us. She made me hand off my camera. They decided it would be nice to hug me, getting me all wet in the process.

I should have known it was coming, but the next thing I knew after a wet embrace was that I was being dragged into the fountain. :)

And before I know it I was running through too. Forgetting my age, forgetting that this was my last night out, just being caught up in the joy of being together and having fun like I was a child again.

I have not laughed so hard in so long. This picture truly captures the essence of the evening for me. It was definitely the BEST girls night we have had in a long time.

Thank you sweet friends for giving me the greatest gifts. The gift of laughter and the gift of your friendship. I treasure each and every one of you. Thank you for giving me a beautiful night that I will always remember!

Smile

*written about my last girls night out on August 5th 2009

late at night
all is quiet
we lay in bed
he leans over and whispers
"you looked beautiful tonight."
really?
"was it my outfit?"
"no"
"was it that I put on make up?"
"no...
it was your smile.
You looked happy tonight."
too many moments of late had been full of sadness
visions of what lay ahead
not many smiles to be found
but on this night
a night out
full of fun
full of life long memories
and lasting friendships
never to be forgotten

as we lay there in the dark
my smile widened
my heart brimmed
i saw it too
the beauty to be had
in a smile

Reflections from my mirror

*I am back tracking here. I wrote this about 6 weeks ago...before we moved to Mo. I need to remember all that God has/is teaching my heart. It is nothing profound or well written, just parts of my heart. :)

I picked up my Bible and devotional book, it was exactly what I needed to read that morning...

I want you to experience the riches of your salvation: the joy of being loved constantly and perfectly. You make a practice of judging yourself, based on how you look or behave or feel. If you like what you see in the mirror, you feel a bit more worthy of My Love. When things are going smoothly and your performance seems adequate, you will find it easier to believe you are my beloved child. When you feel discouraged, you tend to look inward so you can correct whatever is wrong.

Instead of trying to 'fix' yourself, fix your gaze on Me, the Lover of your soul. Rather then using your energy to judge yourself, redirect it to praising Me. Remember that I see you clothed in righteousness, radiant in My perfect Love.~ Jesus Calling

I have been discouraged for feeling discouraged. I have had a hard time dealing with the fact that things are changing, we are moving. I fall apart easily, I cry way too much. I judge myself based on my ability to deal with stress. I judge myself on what I think I look like on the inside. (and outside for that matter these days, haven't been able to shed those last 15 pounds that I need too...) I DO feel so unworthy of God's love. Sometimes I just wonder at how He could possibly love me? I have looked inward and tried to fix what I think is wrong with me, but nothing changes. I continue to feel bad from the inside out, and God continues to feel so far away.

This internal struggle has been going on for months. I do battle in my mind every day.

Here's the problem I realized while having my quiet time. I have moved my focus off of my Savior when I have these thoughts. I once read, "to be disappointed with yourself is to have believed in yourself...to be discouraged is unbelief-as to God's purpose and plan of blessing for you." I am seeing just how true that is. I have shifted my gaze to inward rather then upward. He is the only one who can fix what needs to be. And sometimes what needs to be fixed isn't what I think it is. The thoughts I have about myself affect so many other areas in my life. I had no idea until recently that it was what was affecting my relationship with Him. He has seemed so far away. I wondered where He went. I KNOW that He does not leave, but I really don't feel His presence. I sat with His Word in my lap and told Him I didn't even know where to start. I read a little from His Word...that didn't really do anything to change how I "felt". I closed my Bible and just prayed. I told Him how I was feeling. I knew He could handle it. As I poured my heart to Him the dam broke and I began to sob. Then that's when I opened up to my devotional book and knew that He was using those words to speak to me. It was a gentle rebuke. And although it didn't change how I "felt" it did open my eyes to see where my gaze needed to be.

More of Him...less of me...and it's a start to where I need to be.

Thank you God for your mercy, help me to dwell in Your truth and keep my eyes on You.

slowly

Just checking in to let you all know I am alive and well. I can't believe it has been 3 weeks since the big move...and 3 weeks since I posted anything. :) I am slowly working on catching up on my blog. I am working on several posts to get me to the present. Not sure if anyone still checks this little blog of mine. Life has been so unbelievably busy since moving. In the meantime if you want to know what is going on in our present you can check out our ministry blog. We have a few updates there.

Thanks for understanding friends. Hope to be back soon. :)

We are here!

We finally made it here to the New Tribes Missionary Training Center, this past Monday. After a 12 1/2 hour drive (with no air conditioning) in the heat, we made it here safely! :) I only had one melt down, I can't take this any more, yell at Bill moment...yeah not my best! Moving is stressful! I'm so thankful for a forgiving husband and a loving God. :)

Life has been absolutely crazy for us the past month. Our last weeks in WI were just crammed packed with moving, cleaning, Dr. appointments, doing two photo shoots (SOOO fun for me!!) and spending time with family and friends. Obviously not much time for being on here. :) I am totally exhausted these days. I think it's going to take me awhile to recover from all the craziness and change.

It is beautiful here but oh so HOT! Not quite like good old WI. :) I miss what used to be home daily...but not because of the weather.

I have so much I want to write about...so many thoughts...I don't want to forget. I am going to have to rewind and start back a few weeks to try and catch up.

Well, I am off to bed now because I think I am falling asleep just typing this. I will be back soon.

Oh, I almost forgot...if you want a look into our new place you can visit our ministry blog here.

Our Bethlehem

Before you walk into your home with your new baby, stop and mentally photograph this house so that you can keep it in your heart forever. In this mobile society of ours, there's a good chance that your child will not live in this place till she goes to college. You may move two or three more times during her childhood, especially if you find you like this mothering business and have more kids. But this will always be Bethlehem to you, the place where your family was born. You may not know it yet, but your most precious memories are about to be created here, and in years to come you will have forgotten if it had bad plumbing or funny shag carpeting. It's where you brought your first child. Welcome home!

-From "Girlfriends' Guide to the First Year of Motherhood" by Vicki Iovine

While it was not the house we brought our first baby home to, or even our second baby....this house was our Bethlehem. I remember the day we moved in. Our friends rejoiced with us. It was the first real house we had lived in. No more apartments with bad neighbors for us! We did not own this house, but that didn't matter at the time. We had finally found a place that would feel more like home then any other place we had lived. It was small....cozy if you will...but I loved it! Over time it felt like it was ours. We painted and decorated and put ourselves into it. My kitchen was a happy yellow, and living room a comforting brown. Many adventures were had while living in 117, the little brown house next to the coffee shop. We welcomed our last 2 babies home while living there. It's where we lived when we decided to start homeschooling. We had lots of birthday parties, girls nights, friends and family...all who lovingly tred our worn out carpeted floors. We packed that house to the max. So many wonderful memories were made inside those walls.

It is where we lived when God told us to pick up our family and venture into the unknown. Over the last few months we have slowly given away most of our belongings in preparation for our new future. Some of the things we gave away were hard to part with, but most were not. The one thing I was a little surprised to feel sad about was leaving behind the place we called "home" for the last 4 and a half years. We packed up and moved out everything we have left last Friday. It was a bittersweet day. I was not prepared for the emotions I would have. As I walked through the empty house one last time I was flooded with thoughts and voices from the past. It was a good home for us. We were very blessed. I shed a few tears in closing the door behind us.

Goodbye little brown house. You will be missed. You will not be forgotten. You will always be Bethlehem to us.

Prayer needed

*UPDATE: I ended up having to reschedule my appointment. We just had too much going on. We weren't moved out of the house when we thought we would be. So I rescheduled for Thursday August 6th. I would appreciate your prayers for that day! :)

I don't have time to really be on here, we are in the midst of moving our stuff out of our house tonight. We have to be out by the 31st, so we are crazy busy. I just have a quick prayer request. The other day while flossing, I broke part of my tooth. The tooth has given me problems for years. Anyway, after going to the dentist I found out that the tooth is pretty bad. It was filling that came out. There is quite a bit of decay on that tooth and a cavity on the one beside it. I am going in tomorrow to have it filled and have a crown put on. He also said that there is a chance that if they hit nerve that they will have to do an emergency root canal.

Honestly I don't have time to write about all my feelings about everything that has happened (gone wrong) in the past 2 weeks. I am feeling a bit discouraged. It's just bad timing. In the midst of packing, moving, cleaning I have this. God is stretching me. dental work is very expensive, I don't really care for going to the dentist (actually freak out a little at the thought) as it is. I am trying to just rely on Him though. I know He will provide, I know He will take care of me. This incident (and all the other things that have happened) did not take God by surprise...and that thought is comforting.

Please be in prayer for me tomorrow. I go in at 9 am. I am a little anxious about the whole thing. Please pray for peace of mind and also for wisdom for the Dr. And also please just pray that we can get everything packed and cleaned out of the house by Friday.

Thanks so much!

A time to laugh

We have been so blessed with a wonderful group of friends from our church. Saturday evening we got together with a few of those friends for a little fun. It was just what I needed for a little de-stressing. After non stop packing and feelings of being overwhelmed, it was so great to step back and take a break from it all for just a little bit. I haven't laughed so hard in awhile. :)

Me bowling...my highest score of the night was an 87 I think. Nicole and Jenny can correct me if I'm wrong. :)

Bill, because I think he's cute in bowling shoes (shhh, don't tell him I said that. :) )

Jenny showing us great form. LOL

Bill and Reed

After I think the 2nd game of not doing so hot, the girls and I decided to do different things for fun. One frame was for speed, one was for perfect form, one was for a certain number of pins, etc. It made the game fun and certainly gave us more to laugh about. This is Nicole bowling for form.

John

Bowling shoes are so fun and retro...and uncomfortable...and maybe even a little gross. :)

The girls. Me, Nicole, and Jenny. We may have lost to the guys but we definitely had great spirit.

What a great night! I am so thankful for laughter and for friends, and for a breath of fresh air!

An update on Anna

An update on Anna's ears here.