MOTHERING AND MINISTRY: my divided heart
There has been a battle going on inside my heart all summer. Aside from what our circumstances were and the uncertainty of everything, there was a war going on inside my mind. I made a huge decision at the beginning of the summer. Something I knew the Lord was asking me to do. I referenced to this process as "Labor Pains" in June, but did not explain entirely what I was talking about. I knew that obedience was required of me, but I didn't know how hard it was going to be to let go and follow God's leading.
For the past three years I have been involved in a ministry to moms at our church; Time Out For Moms (TOFM) The first year I helped lead the small group of moms with another lady from our church. When she moved away to Chicago at the end of the year, God laid it on my heart to take over. My friend Janel decided to co. lead it with me. We had so much fun leading it together. We picked and planned what we were going to study, and also planned activities for us to do as a group. While I am not a born leader, I enjoyed studying for and teaching each lesson. There have definitely been trials, and struggles along the way. And Janel and I at times felt the attacks of the enemy. But neither one of us would trade any of it.
This summer as Janel and I began to prepare a study for this fall, things took an unexpected turn. God began to quietly speak to my heart concerning my family. I can't really explain it, but God made it clear to me that he was calling me to do something.
I want to share a quote from an article by Greg Harris that really spoke to me. He said concerning his kids,
C.S. LEWIS ONCE OBSERVED that God is not so much offended that we want too much as by the fact that we are satisfied with so little. Though He offers us the highest of adventures in our Christian life, we settle for the stale mediocrity of our lukewarm religious routines. The parental counterpart to this idea is that most mothers and fathers actually want too little for their children - they settle for success in this world's terms. But God would have us aim higher, not like an ambitious stage mother pushing her mildly talented children into the spotlight, but like a fine jeweler making the best possible use of each bit of gold, silver, and precious stone he has. My children are priceless treasures, and I want God's highest and best for them.
Putting things into that perspective really made me think. What is my desire for my children's lives? I certainly don't want to settle for anything less than what God desires for them.
This summer the Lord asked me to lay aside my ministry to the moms group. This was not a decision that came easily. I spent so much time praying about it and just trying to saturate my life with God's Word. It broke my heart to have to leave this ministry. At first when I came to the realization that God was asking me to quit, I really wondered, "God you can't be asking this of me? This is where my heart is. I love all of these women. My heart is to see them grow in the Lord." I was and still am sad at leaving because I see our young moms at a crucial point right now…ready for so much growth. It is right at the point where my heart has been longing for it to be, and now the Lord is asking me to step aside. While it has been a privilege to serve the Lord this way, He has made it clear that my time in this role is done; and that my main ministry and focus needs to be to my family. Bill and I have felt led to home school right now (we don't know for how long, just taking one year at a time). I cannot do that as effectively when my attention is divided.
When I informed Bill of the decision I had made and how God was leading me, his response confirmed what I already knew. He said that He had been praying for me for awhile that the Lord would lead me in the right direction. He really felt that my time as a leader had come to an end but didn't want to tell me that and influence my decision. Also, shortly after Bill and I talked, Janel called to say that she was feeling like God was calling her to leave TOFM. We both came to the same conclusion without ever having talked about it together.
I know that there may be those that won't understand my reasons. I prayed that there would be no hurt feelings. (I am pretty sure there weren't any...the Lord provided someone to take our place in this ministry.) But I am convinced that I am doing what God wants me to do…and I know that there is peace and reward in obedience. In my quiet time I had been reading the book of Isaiah. I came across a verse I had never though much about. Isaiah 2:22 "Stop regarding man, whose breath of life is in his nostrils; For why should he be esteemed?" It just struck me that I can not worry about man's opinion of me…and not to sound harsh, but I have to be more concerned about God's opinion of me and be obedient to that.
Leading TOFM has been one of the hardest but yet one of the most wonderful experiences. I learned so much during my time as a leader. I am very thankful for even the trials and the refining that took place in my life because of it. I am so thankful for all the moms and the wonderful friendships that I have seen blossom. I am thankful just for the opportunity to be able to teach what the Lord has laid on my heart; which at times was humbling.
I never knew what a struggle it was going to be to surrender to the path God has asked me to walk right now. I have peace about it, but yet full of sadness at having to leave something my heart was so tied to. (I will expound more on that later). This school year is going much better however with me being able to focus entirely on that. Oh, and I had no idea when God asked me to step out of TOFM (not step out entirely, I am still going to go, just not lead it.) that He was going to be giving us a baby in Feb. So...I know for sure that I am doing what He wants... and there is joy in that!
Thank you Lord for guiding me. Thank you for the opportunities you have given me in ministry. I pray that I would be a diligent worker in the task you have set before me...the ministry of motherhood. Thank you for filling my heart with peace and that the "labor pains" have subsided.
This summer as Janel and I began to prepare a study for this fall, things took an unexpected turn. God began to quietly speak to my heart concerning my family. I can't really explain it, but God made it clear to me that he was calling me to do something.
I want to share a quote from an article by Greg Harris that really spoke to me. He said concerning his kids,
C.S. LEWIS ONCE OBSERVED that God is not so much offended that we want too much as by the fact that we are satisfied with so little. Though He offers us the highest of adventures in our Christian life, we settle for the stale mediocrity of our lukewarm religious routines. The parental counterpart to this idea is that most mothers and fathers actually want too little for their children - they settle for success in this world's terms. But God would have us aim higher, not like an ambitious stage mother pushing her mildly talented children into the spotlight, but like a fine jeweler making the best possible use of each bit of gold, silver, and precious stone he has. My children are priceless treasures, and I want God's highest and best for them.
Putting things into that perspective really made me think. What is my desire for my children's lives? I certainly don't want to settle for anything less than what God desires for them.
This summer the Lord asked me to lay aside my ministry to the moms group. This was not a decision that came easily. I spent so much time praying about it and just trying to saturate my life with God's Word. It broke my heart to have to leave this ministry. At first when I came to the realization that God was asking me to quit, I really wondered, "God you can't be asking this of me? This is where my heart is. I love all of these women. My heart is to see them grow in the Lord." I was and still am sad at leaving because I see our young moms at a crucial point right now…ready for so much growth. It is right at the point where my heart has been longing for it to be, and now the Lord is asking me to step aside. While it has been a privilege to serve the Lord this way, He has made it clear that my time in this role is done; and that my main ministry and focus needs to be to my family. Bill and I have felt led to home school right now (we don't know for how long, just taking one year at a time). I cannot do that as effectively when my attention is divided.
When I informed Bill of the decision I had made and how God was leading me, his response confirmed what I already knew. He said that He had been praying for me for awhile that the Lord would lead me in the right direction. He really felt that my time as a leader had come to an end but didn't want to tell me that and influence my decision. Also, shortly after Bill and I talked, Janel called to say that she was feeling like God was calling her to leave TOFM. We both came to the same conclusion without ever having talked about it together.
I know that there may be those that won't understand my reasons. I prayed that there would be no hurt feelings. (I am pretty sure there weren't any...the Lord provided someone to take our place in this ministry.) But I am convinced that I am doing what God wants me to do…and I know that there is peace and reward in obedience. In my quiet time I had been reading the book of Isaiah. I came across a verse I had never though much about. Isaiah 2:22 "Stop regarding man, whose breath of life is in his nostrils; For why should he be esteemed?" It just struck me that I can not worry about man's opinion of me…and not to sound harsh, but I have to be more concerned about God's opinion of me and be obedient to that.
Leading TOFM has been one of the hardest but yet one of the most wonderful experiences. I learned so much during my time as a leader. I am very thankful for even the trials and the refining that took place in my life because of it. I am so thankful for all the moms and the wonderful friendships that I have seen blossom. I am thankful just for the opportunity to be able to teach what the Lord has laid on my heart; which at times was humbling.
I never knew what a struggle it was going to be to surrender to the path God has asked me to walk right now. I have peace about it, but yet full of sadness at having to leave something my heart was so tied to. (I will expound more on that later). This school year is going much better however with me being able to focus entirely on that. Oh, and I had no idea when God asked me to step out of TOFM (not step out entirely, I am still going to go, just not lead it.) that He was going to be giving us a baby in Feb. So...I know for sure that I am doing what He wants... and there is joy in that!
Thank you Lord for guiding me. Thank you for the opportunities you have given me in ministry. I pray that I would be a diligent worker in the task you have set before me...the ministry of motherhood. Thank you for filling my heart with peace and that the "labor pains" have subsided.
4 comments:
The Lord always knows where to lead us and when to pull us back a little. We loved you as a leader, you and Janel did such a Great job leading our Mom's group, but your family is definitely your most important ministry right now...I'm so glad you've found peace with your decision. I'm also glad school is going well this year, your family is so blessed to have such a Wonderful Mom, Wife, Teacher and Friend :)
I know decisions like this can be difficult, and I applaud you for taking God's lead instead of man's. One thing that always comforts me in times like this is the fact that God is opening that door for someone else, giving someone else an opportunity to serve faithfully, to be blessed, and to be a blessing.
The rewards of your "labor pains" are just around the corner!
Hey Liz!
Thanks for popping by the other day...I agree, it has been so neat to connect to you in this weird world of bloggyville! :) We couldn't do it any other way I guess! I am just cheering you on girl in your decision...I admire you for stepping out of the "comfortable" and following your heart into what God is calling you to. Something I learned from our time on the missionfield...there is NO GREATER CALLING than that of fulfilling your blessed role as a Wife and Mother. If you save the whole world yet lose the opportunity of impacting, guiding, leading, loving your kids...what have you gained?? Nothing. And what do you think God will think of that? Not much. He is the One who gives us our ministry...I know it's hard to let go and move on...hard to say "no" when you think no one will understand. That's ok! Walk on, sister!!! I am rooting for ya!! Have a great day! Love in Christ...
Wow! I love stories like this because its clear that not only did you hear His voice, but you obeyed too. I can't wait to see how God honors your obedience. Good for you!
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