Getting Dirty

This past weekend Anna went over to Bill's parents house for the afternoon. Ryan was a little sad at first at having to stay home. But, I made it worth his while to be home! We watched a movie, had a snack, and made brownies together.

I realized something as Ryan and I were having fun in the kitchen, I don't like my kids getting dirty. It really sounds silly writing it out on here. Usually I have them help me as carefully and mess free as possible. But it struck me that maybe I need to relax a little. I let Ryan have fun...and fun he did have! He was one happy little boy...and I was one happy mama! It gave me such joy to allow him to be a boy and make a mess. Good thing it was bath night though, he got stuff everywhere, under his neck and in his hair. :)

Lord, please help me to relax and allow my kids to be kids; to make a mess when it is appropriate. Help me to take joy in being the mommy. Thank you for the time alone with Ryan the other day and for opening my eyes to an area that I need to grow in. Thank you for blessing me with each one of my children, they are true gifts from you.

My messy kitchen

During or after every meal this is what happens. I have to clean up the huge mess James makes. Problem is it's not just normal mess that kids make...if I turn my back for a second the whole plate is on the floor. Is it just my baby or do other moms have this problem? It is very frustrating, and a habit I want broken soon!! This is something we are working on! :)

4:45 a.m. wake up call

WHAT I HEARD:
"Bill what was that?" I gasped out, in a half awake voice.

Bill jumped up. "I don't know." He ran over to our bedroom window to investigate.

it was a startling noise that woke us both up this morning. It sounded like some big animal was either in our room, or right above us.

Next thing I hear is Bill yelling out the window, "Hey, what are you doing?" And then I hear him blowing. After that, Bill crawls back into bed....

WHAT BILL HEARD AND SAW: (in his words)
I woke up to a scratching sound in the wall and Liz gasping.

I knew it was a large creature and thought raccoon or possum.

it sounded close....like right outside our window.

we have our window open at night and so I go to the open window. I could see fur on the side right next to the window. Whatever it was was trying to climb the house via the wood siding.

So I say "hey, what are you doing?" a raccoon face pokes around to the window. I blow in its face like 3 times, then he dropped to the ground (big thud)....

CONCLUSION:
We both went right back to sleep after that. We were too tired to think about it. But now, I can't can't stop laughing. What a weird wake up call!!

Heart Lessons Part 2

Part 1 is here.

MOTHERING AND MINISTRY: my divided heart

There has been a battle going on inside my heart all summer. Aside from what our circumstances were and the uncertainty of everything, there was a war going on inside my mind. I made a huge decision at the beginning of the summer. Something I knew the Lord was asking me to do. I referenced to this process as "Labor Pains" in June, but did not explain entirely what I was talking about. I knew that obedience was required of me, but I didn't know how hard it was going to be to let go and follow God's leading.

For the past three years I have been involved in a ministry to moms at our church; Time Out For Moms (TOFM) The first year I helped lead the small group of moms with another lady from our church. When she moved away to Chicago at the end of the year, God laid it on my heart to take over. My friend Janel decided to co. lead it with me. We had so much fun leading it together. We picked and planned what we were going to study, and also planned activities for us to do as a group. While I am not a born leader, I enjoyed studying for and teaching each lesson. There have definitely been trials, and struggles along the way. And Janel and I at times felt the attacks of the enemy. But neither one of us would trade any of it.

This summer as Janel and I began to prepare a study for this fall, things took an unexpected turn. God began to quietly speak to my heart concerning my family. I can't really explain it, but God made it clear to me that he was calling me to do something.

I want to share a quote from an article by Greg Harris that really spoke to me. He said concerning his kids,

C.S. LEWIS ONCE OBSERVED that God is not so much offended that we want too much as by the fact that we are satisfied with so little. Though He offers us the highest of adventures in our Christian life, we settle for the stale mediocrity of our lukewarm religious routines. The parental counterpart to this idea is that most mothers and fathers actually want too little for their children - they settle for success in this world's terms. But God would have us aim higher, not like an ambitious stage mother pushing her mildly talented children into the spotlight, but like a fine jeweler making the best possible use of each bit of gold, silver, and precious stone he has. My children are priceless treasures, and I want God's highest and best for them.

Putting things into that perspective really made me think. What is my desire for my children's lives? I certainly don't want to settle for anything less than what God desires for them.

This summer the Lord asked me to lay aside my ministry to the moms group. This was not a decision that came easily. I spent so much time praying about it and just trying to saturate my life with God's Word. It broke my heart to have to leave this ministry. At first when I came to the realization that God was asking me to quit, I really wondered, "God you can't be asking this of me? This is where my heart is. I love all of these women. My heart is to see them grow in the Lord." I was and still am sad at leaving because I see our young moms at a crucial point right now…ready for so much growth. It is right at the point where my heart has been longing for it to be, and now the Lord is asking me to step aside. While it has been a privilege to serve the Lord this way, He has made it clear that my time in this role is done; and that my main ministry and focus needs to be to my family. Bill and I have felt led to home school right now (we don't know for how long, just taking one year at a time). I cannot do that as effectively when my attention is divided.

When I informed Bill of the decision I had made and how God was leading me, his response confirmed what I already knew. He said that He had been praying for me for awhile that the Lord would lead me in the right direction. He really felt that my time as a leader had come to an end but didn't want to tell me that and influence my decision. Also, shortly after Bill and I talked, Janel called to say that she was feeling like God was calling her to leave TOFM. We both came to the same conclusion without ever having talked about it together.

I know that there may be those that won't understand my reasons. I prayed that there would be no hurt feelings. (I am pretty sure there weren't any...the Lord provided someone to take our place in this ministry.) But I am convinced that I am doing what God wants me to do…and I know that there is peace and reward in obedience. In my quiet time I had been reading the book of Isaiah. I came across a verse I had never though much about. Isaiah 2:22 "Stop regarding man, whose breath of life is in his nostrils; For why should he be esteemed?" It just struck me that I can not worry about man's opinion of me…and not to sound harsh, but I have to be more concerned about God's opinion of me and be obedient to that.

Leading TOFM has been one of the hardest but yet one of the most wonderful experiences. I learned so much during my time as a leader. I am very thankful for even the trials and the refining that took place in my life because of it. I am so thankful for all the moms and the wonderful friendships that I have seen blossom. I am thankful just for the opportunity to be able to teach what the Lord has laid on my heart; which at times was humbling.

I never knew what a struggle it was going to be to surrender to the path God has asked me to walk right now. I have peace about it, but yet full of sadness at having to leave something my heart was so tied to. (I will expound more on that later). This school year is going much better however with me being able to focus entirely on that. Oh, and I had no idea when God asked me to step out of TOFM (not step out entirely, I am still going to go, just not lead it.) that He was going to be giving us a baby in Feb. So...I know for sure that I am doing what He wants... and there is joy in that!

Thank you Lord for guiding me. Thank you for the opportunities you have given me in ministry. I pray that I would be a diligent worker in the task you have set before me...the ministry of motherhood. Thank you for filling my heart with peace and that the "labor pains" have subsided.

Looking like a big boy

My friend Lucy came over this morning to visit. It was a much needed visit on my part. We have both been so busy this summer and haven't had much time to get together and pray like we normally do. I felt so refreshed and encouraged when she left. I am so thankful for her friendship. She blesses me more then she will ever know. Thank you God for blessing me with Lucy's friendship, she is a rare and beautiful treasure!

While she was here she helped me give James his first haircut. Actually, she cut and I held and tried to comfort a screaming James. I can't believe I made the decision to do it but...we cut all the curls off. Oh my word! He looks so big now. I don't know if my heart can take it! :) He looks cute, but I was very tempted to cry...I restrained myself. His hair is still wavy so I am hoping that maybe the curls will come back again. I am so glad that Lucy helped me. I could have never done it by myself.

I had to take tons of pictures of his new look!

Ice cream will do

I am eating a bowl of ice cream that Bill ran out at 9:30 last night to get for me. It was a must need...and not must need because I am pregnant...it was a must need because it was a horrible day.

I debated on whether or not to write this. I don't like to be negative. But, let's face it, it's real life. Yesterday I had one of the worst days I have had in a long time. EVERYTHING went wrong. We started school 1 1/2 hours later then we normally do because one of my children's behavior could not be ignored and had to be dealt with. I don't know what is going on but Ryan had decided that he wasn't going to listen to anything I said. While I was dealing with him, James got into one thing after another. It's almost comical. I set my coffee down to deal with Ryan, James grabbed it and spilled it everywhere...all over one of our new text books (call me a freak, but I love new books. I hate to see them ruined.) I set the coffee up high and grabbed the hairdryer to dry the pages before they stuck to each other. While I was doing that, James climbed up to the top (in the middle) of the table and grabbed my coffee. I ran out to clean up that mess, forgetting to close the bathroom door behind me. Before I could catch him, James was playing in the toilet bowl...GROSS!!!

Oh, and then at lunch I opened the silverware drawer only to discover that a mouse had decided to chew up one of my wooden spoons. I hate mice. I had to take everything out of the drawer to be washed. (thankfully we caught the mouse last night.)

My day went like that pretty much all day. The kids had one fight after another. I seriously thought, I can't do this anymore. Late in the afternoon I had had enough, I screamed at the kids and sent them to their rooms. It hurts my pride and my heart to admit all this, But I lost control and just screamed. After I screamed at the kids, I just sat there by myself sobbing and praying. I want so much to do the right thing, but the fact is I blew it.

After I calmed down I went upstairs to talk to the kids and ask for forgiveness for how I had acted. It makes me cry just thinking about it. They were so loving and accepting and forgiving. Anna and Ryan both gave me a great big hug. We moved on and put it all behind us.

However because of the stress of the day I was feeling like I really needed some ice cream. So, my sweet husband offered to go and get it. It didn't make me feel better, but it did taste good.

So, tonight I am enjoying another bowl. :) Today was much better. We still had a few moments, but it was nothing like yesterday.

Tomorrow my good friend and mentor Lucy is coming over. I so need to see her. I just need to be in the presence of an older wiser woman who has walked a similar path before.

A lot is going on in my heart right now that I want to share, but I have not had the time or energy to share. Hopefully soon...

Magnify the Lord!

I read this during my quiet time this morning. I love this verse, especially after our science lesson talking about magnifying the Lord....very timely. I love it when He does that!

Let all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You;
Let those who love Your salvation say continually,
"The LORD be magnified!" Psalm 40:16

Exploring God's Creation

Anna examining, "magnifying" the flowers, as part of science today.

I love homeschooling today! Today made it feel so worth the hard work to me. We had somewhat of a difficult day...actually, some behaviors were very difficult. I pretty much battled with one of my children's attitude all day. But, for a few sweet hours everything was beautiful.

I took the kids down to the lake after we had finished our school work. We had a picnic and fed the ducks. Then we sat under the shade and read our Science. We are using Exploring Creation with Botany by Jeannie Fulbright. So far I am loving the book. I have to put a quote on here that I thought was so good.

The plants of the world truly magnify the Lord. Are you wondering what it means to 'magnify' the Lord? Well, have you ever looked through a magnifying glass? a magnifying glass makes things look bigger so we can see them better. That's what God's beautiful world does. It is like a magnifying glass that magnifies God so we can see Him better. When we study the flowers--their beauty and how perfectly they were created--we know that God is beautiful, perfect and creative. God is very creative. He must have an incredible imagination. Do you have an imagination? Of course you do, because you were made in the image of God! You have also been given many of the other wonderful traits that He has. Since your creativity shows us that you were made in the image of God, it magnifies God when you do creative things.

I had to read that last sentence twice to Anna. She is so creative and loves anything artistic. God is magnified through our creativity....what a beautiful reality.

Even though I had some tough things to deal with today...it was a beautiful day. God really blessed us in being able to enjoy His creation. The kids and I had a blast. We went home hot and tired, but full of wonder at the awesome God we serve.

Can't resist a cute face!

He can get into lots of trouble, but who can resist that sweet face?!

(Picture taken right after he dumped milk all over himself).

First day of school

1st day of school pose.

Today was our first official day of school for the year. We are doing 1st grade with Anna and preschool with Ryan. Today was a bit of a challenge trying to get our school done while keeping busy James out of trouble. I had to pull him off of the top of the kitchen table maybe 6 times...just stuff like that. :) I think the more time that goes by the easier it will get. I also need to work on getting Ryan to stay interested. He did pretty good but got bored after a little bit. So, lots of stuff for me to think about! :)

On Thursday we are taking a "field trip" to the Dr.'s office. I have my 16 week cheek up. I am going to talk to the Dr. and see if he can can get me in for an ultrasound that day. That would be so much fun. We have been talking about the baby with the kids. Anna can't wait to see the ultrasound. If we can't have the ultrasound done on Thursday then we will have it done next month.

I don't think I ever shared how the kiddos responded when we told them we were going to have another baby. We told them a few weeks ago at bedtime. Anna was very excited, of course. She said she couldn't believe it because she had been praying for another baby (a sister in particular). Ryan wasn't so excited at first. He kept saying that he didn't want a little baby. So Bill and I started mentioning babies that the kids know and asking them if they wanted a baby like that. We mentioned Hadley, and Lily, and James (we had to throw a boy in there). Ryan kept shaking his head no. Anyway, it was time to pray and Anna prayed, "Thank you God for providing us a little baby in Mommy's tummy." When it was Ryan's turn we weren't sure what he would say. He prayed, "Thank you God for the little baby and I wanted that it could be like Lily." (Ryan Loves baby Lily).

Now they are all excited and can't wait to go on the "field trip"

By the way, click here to see pictures from our first day of school last year. What a difference a year makes.